


It's going to be a really gay read.

by spicyramen69



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gay, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-07-18 08:09:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 47,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7306888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spicyramen69/pseuds/spicyramen69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Dave works in the film industry. John's a stand up comedian. This is no beginners gay. This is adventures in gay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. getting a cute boys number is easy as 1 2 gay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my asshole](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=my+asshole).



> This is just me, squeezing my ass cheeks to produce the splendors that are my creative juices for fun. Hoping to have fun writing this nothing else. 
> 
> I also don't double check for grammatically or spelling errors because who has time for that shit. Edit: Yes I do.

     By the time I fill in the descriptions of Dave and John, our main protagonists in this shindig, Obama would have granddaughters whom would have had granddaughters whom would have had more granddaughters. We know Dave and John. Rephrasing it would be a bigger waste of time than trying to guess the next meme of the month. So I'll just fill in the most basic exposition in one sentence to save us all the extra five minutes we could of used to give our asses a better wiping and hopefully it builds a better visual in your mind. John's a stand up comedian, usually traveling just to perform in small gigs, but due to finding a huge gig that takes him in with open arms, he decides to snuggle his ass right into this new place and make a living off it while also being a bus boy at restaurant Dave so happens to brainstorm in for his story ideas as he's a part time free lance writer for film and animation studios, just throwing his golden ideas left and right. There that's it. I'm aware of the drawn-out excessiveness that was the exposition sentence, but this is no time to diddle dally on trivial bullshit. The most amazing story you'll ever read is about to start.

      Dave notices John at the restaurant. Much like any person would. Once you see someone for a few times you tend to memorize their face and become familiar with them even if you don't even know their name. Dave memorizes all of John's little movements and habits like everyone else in the restaurant. You see, John was quick at his job. He'd grab all the dishes from a recently evacuated table like a vacuum sold by Anthony Sullivan. No one moved as quickly and gently with the plates, but he was also just as vulnerable to breaking more plates than Giacomo Casanova broke hearts.

    That's when, John Egbert, clumsiest bus boy of the century, drops a plate from the table next to Dave's table, pieces of it spreading under Dave's table. John quickly gets on his knees, blushing madly from breaking another plate. At this point it would surprise anyone that this kid wasn't yet fired or better yet put as a cashier or someshit, anything to keep him from carrying some- (god forbid) _plates._

     Dave ignores him, staring at his yellow lined note pad. John rushes to clean it up, taking a while and suddenly he yelps, "OW FU-." And his head slams against the table which makes Dave along with his food and drink jump up suddenly. "Dude, if you're going to give me a sucking you're doing it all wrong." Dave jokes, though his face lined with the most serious of soap operas face on this end of the galaxy. "What the fuck?" John moves out of the table, shards of glass in his hands. "Is this 24th plate?" Dave asks, still staring at his notepad. "N-no." John mumbles, adjusting his glasses before standing up. "Sounds like a pretty weak no. It wouldn't even win a wrestling match with my pinky." John places the shards into his black apron pocket and stares Dave down, "You wanna fight my pinky cool guy?" Dave smirks, speaking like some kid in a 90s movie, "Oh boy,  _Would I_ _?"_   That right there ladies and gentlemen, is how you invite someone to fight with only a pinky and insinuated a friendship that should last at least longer than Kevin McCallister's career.

     John sits across from Dave and they place their elbows on the table in unison and cross their pinky's together. "One, two three!" They say at the same time, racing against time, their arms no use when their very existences depended on the raw power of their pinkies. It was a close match, but it was obvious that Dave was the winner when a waitress passed by and John hid under the table faster than he collects dishes. "I won," Dave states, returning to writing notes. John doesn't speak until the waitress is out of sight. "Rematch." He pokes out and grabs Dave's note pad and pen.  "Dude, no way. I won fair and square." John writes down his number and name regardless and quickly leaves with the dishes. Dave only stares at the number. He'd gotten a cute boy's number that day. Where was his fucking xbox achievement?  


	2. its gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We'll see how I feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Chapter's will begin short, but hopefully lengthen with time. Let's pray. Also if this shit of a laptop didn't have a virus maybe I'd be able to post a lot fucking more without it convulsing on me with pop up ads and having to rewrite the whole chapter again. Edit: my cool ass fixed it so i can post as much as i want

        John's doesn't receive a text from Dave any time soon, but his little incident with Dave makes for great stand up material. Dave for one, doesn't return to his usual restaurant where John works at. He isn't ready. No matter how many times he's looked himself in the mirror and acknowledged his "suave" looks, he wonders how a buck toothed angel would feel pinky wrestling with him.

  
        We've all had crushes that come and go, well okay minus aros and such, but a good chunk of the human population has wanted to fuck or cuddle or kiss someone. And less keep with the same crush and even less have them pop in their heads when they're in the shower, pulling and washing the clarinet. Once you baste the turkey, you understand that this was more than a crush. This was a mission.  
        By the time Dave returned to the little restaurant, John had been promoted to waiter. He looks far more handsome in the waiter uniform anyhow, according to Dave. Especially when John is his waiter for the day. "It's you." Dave spontaneously word vomits. "It's me." John nods, tapping his foot on the ground. "I meant to call." Dave begins. "Buuuut you were too scared to face me huh?" John smiles his little front buck teeth smile. "Scared?" Dave scrunches his brows.

           "You know I can beat you in pinky wrestling." John crosses his arms, that breath taking smile still illuminating brighter than tumblr enthusiast's futures. Dave's face relaxes, "I can beat you in my sleep. There's no use pretending you stopped because a waitress passed by." Dave yawns, opening the menu.  
        "Rematch." "No, you suck dude." "You scared?" "It's stupid, why do I have to prove myself to some waiter?" "Remaaatch." "Why does it have to be pinky wrestling? That has got to be the lamest way to prove yourself." "Good point. Any ideas then...er,.." He stares at Dave. "Dave Strider," Dave extends a slightly sweaty hand to him. "John Egbert." Dave snorts and brings down his hand, "Egbert??" His smirk widens. "Strider??" John teases in return. "What about my last name? It's slicker than Malfoy's hair" Dave stares into John's blue eyes. "It's like you're _trying_ too hard to be cool," John giggles, "Give me a call when you figure out the rematch." 

* * *

             And like that, Dave and john's first date was made. Or first hang out. Whatever your shipping mind desires. I'm down with it. 

             John receives the call he'd been waiting for. Dave sets up a pizza eating contest while watching terrible movies without cringing contest. Food and movies, how could John in the right mind say no to that? If someone offers you free food you fucking take it. 

             The very weekend on which their night came was at last at the top of their nipples. On one corner, weighing 153.8 lbs from Washington, Joooooohn Egbeeeert. He makes his way to the front of the door of Dave's apartment and presses on the call in button for Dave, who buzzes him in and he proceeds his glorious way upstairs into the last floor. By the time his white ass takes him to the top, he felt like passing out. It was a trap. Dave had made him climb all these steps to get to his door. For that Dave had to pay for making a fool out of him again. So he slumps over against the door, knocking lazily, but ready to dish out some ass kicking.

           On the other side, opening the door, weighing 180 lbs from Texas, Daaaave Strideeeer. Dave opens and John who still leans on the door, falls into his arms and Dave is at the ready, catching him like an pro wrestler should. "If you wanted to roleplay Disney princesses that bad you should've told me. I've got a collection of dresses in the hallway closet." John remains dismayed and furrows his eyebrows like he was trying too hard to do so, like two trembling caterpillars. He manages to speak, finally, "Twenty flights of stairs." Sabotage. It was sabotage on Dave's part, tire out the man who owns the heavy weight championship before the match even begins. Dave takes him inside his apartment onto a couch, listening. 

          "I walked up,  _twenty_ flights of stairs." His breathing returns to normal. "We have an elevator dude. " "Wait, you do?" "Why the fuck would I make you climb twenty flights of stairs? "Sabotage." "I wouldn't stoop so low."

            Dave makes his way to the kitchen. Ladies and gentlemen, this is outstanding news that has been poured down our ears right here. Dave, in fact, meant no harm. Well if that didn't dumbfound John right then and there. Dave comes back with a glass of cold water and John thanks him, "I guess I'm an idiot huh?" Dave glances at him, "You can sit on the couch you know. It doesn't bite. This ain't Monsters House." What a glorious movie that was too. "Wait, Dave, you didn't answer me. Am I an idiot?" John insists as he sits on the couch and Dave turns on the flatscreen tv before returning to the kitchen without a word. "So you  _do_ think I'm an idiot!" John accuses. Woah, hey now. Looks like he's jumping to conclusions there. Blond dude over there obviously has things on his mind like, how do I get laid with this dude? What sound does a dog make? "Aoba." 

                Dave comes back with pizza, "You're not an idiot dude. I'm just fucking around with you." He sits next to John, placing the pizza on the coffee table. "A lot of people have done that before," Dave insists. "Yeah?" John lightens up. "Yeah my grandmother with alzheimer," Dave smirks. Another bomb has been dropped. John is taking a second to take that bomb in, inhaling the fumes, pulling himself together to respond with the simple words of, "Oh my god, you make your grandma walk twenty flights of stairs every time she visits??" Dave's face contorts into indescribable confusion, "What?"

        John enthusiastically waves his arms at him, "Your grandma with alzheimers." Dave cracks a soft grin, "That was a joke."

               "Oh God," John covers his face. "I keep making myself look like an idiot. I swear I'm not an idiot." "I know you're not, don't worry." John puts his hands down and Dave accidentally places his hand down on John's, however John does not pull away. This was it. In one second they'll probably pull off all their clothes and grab nipples, pull penises and grind asses. It was only a matter of seconds. 

               "So," John leans in and grabs a pizza slice. "Is the contest still on? Or will you cancel like always." Dave tries not too sigh, accidentally pulling away to habitually massage the back of his neck. "Sure." "Oh." "I mean we don't have to." "Right." "Only if you want to." "Okay." "I had a tough day at work." "Are you trying to tell me you want to cancel our contest?"

               Dave takes a slice of pizza, "Just postponing." John sighs in relief, "I actually didn't want to do it either. N-not that I didn't want to see you!" Dave smirks, watching him, "I wanted to see you too." John turns to the tv, "That was a little gay." "I don't mind gay," Dave shrugs casually, eating his pizza. "Are you gay?" John asks. Dave chokes on his pizza, "A-a little." He reaches over for John's water, casually choking to death. "Woah are you okay?" John pats his back softly, while Dave chugs down all of John's water. Dave nods, swallowing, "Yeah." "I'm guessing that wouldn't be the first time you've choked on something that big," John giggles. 

                "Maybe." Dave plays an action movie on Netflix for them to watch.  John examines the living room, "It's pretty clean in here." "If you think my place is clean, you must live in a landfill. There's no way my cock spilled taco bell wrappers and empty protein shake bottles that litter every corner of this floor and year old Doritos bags with trashed notes shoved inside it is in any way, clean. My very ass is cleaner than than the entity that is my apartment." "Nah, my place is worse and it's not this big." John finishes a pizza slice and reaches for another.

               "I found a rat in my shower once," Dave looks at him. "I fell through the floorboards once because I'd spilled too many drinks in the same place," John smugly says. "What the fuck did you do to keep spilling in the same place? Play with the flute until it released into the carpet in the same spot?" "Did you just say what I think you said?" John replies. "Do you play with your flute John Egbert?" 

             "Y-yes. No. N-no, yes. Uh, wait. I do play with my flute, but not on that area of the carpet. It's not like that!" John admits. "Well, now that I admit that," John looks at him, "You have to admit it too." "Course I do, those who say they don't are liars, but for me, I don't play the flute, I play with my **clarinet.** " John's face travels the line between shocked and a little grossed out (rightfully playful), "Daaaaaaave." He shoves him away gently. Dave laughs, John's push barely moving him, like a cat trying to push an elephant. "I've had a long day, I don't need any pervyness," He sighs and rests his head on Dave's shoulder, "Oh, is this okay?"

            Dave wraps an arm around him, "As long as this is okay. I had a long fucking day too."

            "Tell me." "I will."

 

 


	3. extra gay shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally getting a feel for the plot here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried my best to get this in by today, I really felt like writing.

             John and Dave's friendship stems from here. It grows like a cock the older it gets, thicker and longer. The type of tomfoolery they grow to do together was the type of shit that allowed them to be open goofballs with each other. Dave always invited John to movie premiers on movies he worked on, mostly small parts like production assistant or second director. And John invited him to his stand up. John had a copy of Dave's key and would go in when he felt like it or when he didn't pay his netflix. Just lay around in his house and eat his food. Like a real friend. 

             After half a year, insinuations of living together began. After a late night opening of a small scale movie production, Dave and John decided it was best to sleep over at John's apartment because it was closer to the theater the movie played at.

             They sleepily make their way into the apartment. John takes off his suit jacket the minute they're inside. He takes off his pants and throws them aside as well. Dave is already taking off his soaked pants from an earlier spill where some asshat could not hold a soda in their hand to save their life and poured all over Dave's rented suit. His boxers too, of course, were soaked. "John, " Dave mumbles, making his way to John and pulling on his dress shirt, "Boxers that you promised." John sleepily slams into his bedroom door and Dave laughs his ass off, falling on his ass then slowly onto his back before suddenly falling asleep. John rolls his eyes and bends down poking him until Dave woke up. John helps Dave up and with arms over each others shoulders they make way into the bedroom.

              John picks out some boxers and passes them to Dave who changes into the new ones. John unbuttons his shirt and crawls into bed. Dave makes his way out the bedroom and John calls him in a low voice, "Dave. Come back." Dave returns, taking off his blazer, "What?" "You're not sleeping on the couch get over here." Dave doesn't object and crawls into bed. John opens an eye, "You're still wearing your tie." "Mhm," Dave tiredly responds. John sighs and unties it, throwing it aside and unbuttoning some of his shirt, "There, now you can sleep without suffocation." There was no response, Dave was already asleep. And within a few seconds, so was John. 

              It was around noon on Sunday and Dave's facing away from John in a cooked shrimp position. John's sprawled all over the sheets like a goofball, but neither had woken up yet. Suddenly, the door bell rings and loud knocking wakes them up. Dave's the one to erect upwards from his position and slide off the bed, patting john on the head saying, "I'll go." John being the sleepy fuck he is, returns to his slumber.

               Dave strolls to the door and opens it, yawning as he does so. What he sees when he opens the door has to be the ugliest motherfucker he's ever laid his eyes on. He'd never seen such a monstrosity to this level. The amount of copious grotesque that was the giant in front of him was tainting his eyes as a  visual arsenic. The person's face contorts into a furious snarl, their brows furrowed so deeply they were in danger of becoming one with the eyes and the only way to describe the (most likely a man) person's height and thick body build was to compare it to Dave's godzilla cock. When he spoke his voice was an unnaturally nasally and high pitched. This man took some serious steroids. At least that was what Dave thought. But it wasn't the man's body proportion versus his voice that made him unbelievably ugly in any way. Rather, the putrid aura that came from within his ass cheeks. The downpour of spittle that flew at Dave as he raged on about who knows what because Dave was far too mesmerized by the man's disgusting actions to pay attention. The man raises an arm, ready to punch Dave because clearly, Dave had sold all his fucks to the blackmarket and had none to give towards the man's scolding, Dave closes the door on him and strolls back to bed.

               John, now slightly awake, asks who it was and Dave shrugs, "Someone who needed a stick pulled out of their ass." "My landlord I bet," John sleepily murmurs. Dave lays back down, "How can you even afford this place? And for the pile of shit that it is." and John rolls over to him, "I can't. That's why I take out loans." Dave rubs his eyes before he adjusts his shades, "That's easily the most moronic way to pay for an apartment when you can just as easily move in with me." "Maybe so." "Dude, you won't have to deal with that pussyfart that you call your landlord and you get a cleaner place for a cheaper price. The best part is, you'l be living with the coolest dude you've ever met." John grins, "You had me at landlord, but you lost me at "coolest dude"." "I won't be offering you this amazing opportunity again Egderp." "I'll be fine....Stridork." "That was... _horrible_." Dave smiles at how fucking dumb that sounded. "No, It was good!" John insists. Obviously Dave had never heard such a fine and unimpaired pun be made. "My "sunny side Egbert" joke was bad, but this reaches a whole another galaxy. It's so bad the cows will never come home. If I shoved my fist into my ass while I took a shit, the smell as I pull my fist out would not be as wretched and rank as the kelvin measurement for how banal "Stridork" is." John scrunches up his face in confusion then realization, "You're offended." "What? No dude. I'm saying Stridork sounds ridiculous." Dave explains. "Hmm, I don't know Dave, sounds pretty defensive. Specially for something that lengthy," John replies thoughtfully. It sounds as though John was getting somewhere, possibly getting ready for some roasting. Firing up that oven to throw in all of Dave's comebacks. 

               "Yeah, sure. Of course, why didn't I catch that sooner?" Dave closes his eyes, resting. John frowns and scoots closer, "I'm not sleepy anymore." "Go play outside." "I'm not five." Dave opens his eyes, "What do you want to do? I'm down for anything." John looks up at the ceiling, "Something fun." Dave smirks and shakes his head, "That definitely narrows it down." John giggles, "Shut up." Dave chuckles with him. The laughter dies down and they awkwardly shift. 

               "I still think you should move in with me. Your ass is hanging on straws right now." Dave looks at John who returns the look, "I can afford the next rent. I'm okay you worry wort." Dave raises a brow, "Well I took a look at your mail and found four late fees on your rent so I'm calling bullshit." "Dave!" John playfully punches him, "You looked through my mail!?" "And I also found a dildo in your room, I'm just looking out for you. Someone's gotta dig around here." "Wait, what was that first part?" "Just move in." "You're so needy." "I crave friendship." **Anal sex. That was what Dave meant. "I'll think about it," John looks away from Dave finally. Dave stares at John, after a while pulling him close against his chest, "You get unlimited cuddles if you move in." John's cheeks flush from Dave's sudden sensual act, but remains static. It wasn't all that bad. John rather enjoyed the weird hug, but he still needed to think about it. After all, the stand up theater was only a block away and moving with Dave made it a few miles away. John didn't know if he was up for those extra miles. Although with capital one those extra miles could give him the benefits he needed.

            "Will you drive me to my stand up?" John looks up, resting a hand cautiously on Dave's side. "This is New York. The only ride I'll be giving out is the one on my dick," Dave answers. John scrunches up his face, "It was an innocent question!" "You're an innocent question," Dave retorts. John laughs, "Dork." "Dweeb." "Nerd." "Four eyes." "U-uh," John stammers. Dave slightly grins, "John it's cool, if I wanted my comeback I would of wiped it from your hot mom's mouth." John groans, "Why are you like this?" "You adore me." John groans some more, "I knooow." 

                


	4. hes a freelancer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short, I didn't know if you guys liked long ones less often or short ones more often.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason DaveJohn were wearing suits were because the movie theyd watched was a premiere on a movie Dave worked on, dunno if that was mentioned.  
> I also went to a con thats why lack of update went up your ass.

                   John had still not moved out of his place, whether it was because of the hot chick who lived next door or because he felt to lazy to actually do it. Both were pretty reasonable regardless while Dave's daydreams would turn into "if john moved in..." montages. 

                For many weeks and even months, Dave would disappear into his work in film and every time he came back (with prooduction ending and all), John and Dave would celebrate his return..at first. Eventually they decided that was too much and became a tradition of John treating Dave to some expensive pizza. After that Dave would be out of work for a few weeks and be free just for John. The breaks helped with giving each other space, but it was a tad too much because they'd miss each other more than Pooh misses the honey he lost in that episode with the flooding and such. The moment after the premier was one of the first times Dave and John had gotten together in a while, they couldn't leave their hands off each other.

          An unnecessary hand touch here, unnecessary grabbing of shoulder there and unnecessary of using a small blanket as an excuse to get so close they were in danger of becoming one. They just refused to part as they watched shows and movies for the rest of Sunday, leaning against each to other, pretending not to notice the extra touchy and needyness. If one needed to get up to grab something, the other made an excuse and followed. If one nodded off, the other wouldn't move or leave. 

           "Have you noticed how touchy feely we are today?" Dave finally points out. John, whose head is leaned against Dave's shoulder, looks up, "Actually yeah." Dave continues. "I don't know what it is, but I can't help it," he shrugs. John nods, "Yeah I don't want to part." Though in all honesty Dave was internally asking himself why he hadn't banged John yet. This is completely irrelevant, but the fact that the amount times he thinks about this is more than America has shootings is completely relevant. John cuddles closer to Dave, closing his eyes. Dave softly grins at him and wraps an arm around him. 

            On Monday morning, John is back to work at the restaurant. Dave visits him daily with snacks and treats during John's breaks, chilling and talking with him. Trying to swoon his way into John's heart with sick raps that John thought were completely absurd, but just a small giggle from John would make Dave feel like it was a win. 

            "When are you leaving again?" John asks suddenly when he serves Dave a drink. Dave raises a brow.

            "It's a freelance job I wouldn't know." Dave takes his cup of apple juice. 

             "Really? Aren't you already famous though? You're always getting work and people even notice you on the street!" 

             "I'm cool, people are bound to be attracted to my amazing aura, but that doesn't make my job any less freelance," Dave sips his juice. John subconsciously sits across from Dave, "Hmm, So you can choose when to work? Sounds pretty cool to me. I wish I could choose, I hate being a waiter four days a week." Dave smirks, "I like it though. You look cute in your uniform." John's eyes widen, "Dave!" He quickly stands and leaves, blushing furiously. Dave watches him go, shaking his head as his smirk widens. 


	5. Into The Blue

                After Dave's huge breakfast turns into a masterpiece that deserves to go up in the Louvre, John comes back with a hand on his hip and his brows knit together in confusion, "Why do you even come here if you're not going to eat?" "Who says I come here for the food," Dave continues to piece together some fries with toothpicks. John lets out a sigh, "It's on the house, so take it home." Dave looks up suddenly, "No, fuck no." He shakes his head at John calmly, "It's on the house every time i come here and you can't even pay your rent." John frowns, "So?" Dave turns the plate so it faces John, it looks like Dave's apartment, "I can pay my own meals. I don't come here for free food." "But you always visit me! Why should I let you spend money to see me?" John argues. Good point. "Well if I don't then you're spending money to see me right? Same shit." And with a quick retort, John is metaphorically kicked dropped to the ground. John still frowns, unsure of what to say. That was a good comeback. 

              "Tell you what, I'll dial it down and only order aj and something like toast. Keep it simple. Keep it low. Like your rent will be if you move in with me." Dave explains. 

              "Fine," John slightly unhappily, accepts. 

              "Fine you'll move in with me?" Dave's voice rises. 

              "No! Fine I won't pay for your meals anymore. I-Is what I meant," John huffs, pinks slightly cheek. "Well I have clients to attend so.." He does a weird bow, salute, almost handshake thing before blasting off like zayn when he left 1d. Dave grins softly, watching John leave before paying and leaving.

               Within a week of his last production, Dave gets a lucky call from an editor he'd worked with while being a second assistant director on a small feature film which was rare considering only the director usually met with the editor, but from the few minutes Dave had talked to him for, the editor felt a movie boner in his cinematic pants and asked him if he wanted to try being an assistant editor for a commercial since he heard Dave jumps around on types of jobs and never settles for one. Kinda like when you buy your first dildo and you're like oh la la la. But you dive deeper into the dildo community and try different ones with various settings and sizes, but you become bored with one too quick and buy another one maybe its in the shape of a fist. Who knows? At the end of the day you're still shoving mrgoodfeels up your ass like Dave's trying on jobs like it's a fitting room.

              John calls Dave on the phone the next day, which is unusual, he usually texts, but he's excited to hang out with him after being let out early because it was a dead day at the restaurant. Also the manager was sure that John needed a break to get that blond boy's dick up his ass after seeing John become sluggish after Dave left. John continued to try to reach Dave to no avail. A common human would of given up after ten calls and twenty texts. But John was not the common man, no. He had once shoved a double dildo up his ass with limited lube and if that wasn't enough to prove to you how much of a persistent bastard he was then let me tell you about the time he tried to open a treasure chest with only a bar of soap and a usb cord and it fucking worked, John Egbert was not the type to give up. No, he's going to camp out at Dave's apartment. After all, he has Dave's key and plans on building up a headquarters there to-Wait was that the doorbell? 

              John peeks out of the peep hole on the door and sees a simple blonde being standing behind the door with a cap. Without thinking, John opens the door with a bright expression, "Da--!" He's taken aback by the stranger with a pizza hut box in his hands, "Dave Strider?" The pizza dude asks. John blinks and shakes his head, "He's not here right now, b-but... " John looks back at his wallet on the coffee table, "Stay right there." John fetches his wallet and pays the guy before taking the pizza inside. "Fuck, how could he leave when he knows a pizza is coming?" He mumbles and eats his feelings as he watches Netflix, soon forgetting why he was so distraught.

             John falls asleep and the clock strikes the third hour to which Dave's been toodle a doin somewhere else pulling who knows whose dick. Dave sees the light spilling from under the door, shrugging, maybe he left the lights on? Dave strides in and leaves his keys on the hook on the wall before quickly finding John fast asleep with a pizza slipping from his hand on the couch. Dave grins slightly and takes the pizza away, finishing it himself. He puts the leftovers away and carries John to his bed, laying him down. As he pulls away from John, he feels a tug on the back of his shirt, "Don't go." A soft whisper emits from John's sleepy mouth. Dave's eyes widen for a second and he waits for the grip to loosen until he tries to pull away again, but John's hands grip harder. "Dave." John whispers louder and needier. A subtle groan escapes John's mouth as he tries to pull Dave closer. Dave blinks a few times to pull himself together to stop imagining the sounds as moans. Dave tries once more to suddenly pull away, however John seems to contain the power of grey skull in his possession as he pulls back harder than Dave enough to pull him into bed so Dave lay on top of John. Dave swore he could feel a boner against his crotch, but there was no time to think about any boners, he had to find a way to show John the carfax. 

               Dave rolls off to John's side and after various wrestling strategies fail, he gives in and holds a greedy John in his arms. It was worth it after hearing John mumble Dave's name a few times in his sleep during the night. 

             The following morning, Dave awakes to a Moby Dick in his pants. A moby so dick it had to be pulled out of the ocean by god himself. So hard, a nokia phone would tremble under it's shadow. With the power of She-ra, Dave releases himself from the chains that were John's arms and nope just fucking kidding because John is overpowered with his superior homo powers. The homo was just stronger in this one. Dave can't pull himself away. Why the fuck was John so tough? The only way to pull away was going to hurt John. Dave had to do, what most people with penises fail to do, which was to beat the wand in front of their sleeping future boyfriends.

        Dave checks on John, making sure he was still in deep sleep every time he made a move. Unzips pants. Fuck better check on John. Pulls cock out. Fuck better look at John. Tugs on the wand. Fuck better look at the ethereal existence that was John. Tugs harder on the wand. Look at those lips. Rubs the tip. Look at those dark eyelashes. Caresses the balls. Damn, were John's cheeks a cute rosy pink over smooth milk coffee skin. Tugs faster. His face. Harder. His face. Faster. Face. Harder. Lips. Harder. His voice. Harder. His soft groans. Faster. "Don't go." Fuck. "Dave." F-fuck.... 

           Dave's accidentally spills his grandeur all over John's legs. In fear that John would wake, he puts his cock back in his pants, pulls off John's now dirty pants with struggle and by some miracle John lets go of Dave and rolls away, still asleep. Dave makes a desperate run for it, dunking the pants into the dirty basket and taking a breather to commemorate his skills on beating it in front of John. 

             As Dave is taking his clothes off for a shower, there's a knock on the open bathroom door. "Dave?" John enters and suddenly he's meeting Dave's eyes only after making eye contact with the masterpiece that was Dave's finer existence in the land down under. "Woah it's big." John blurts. Dave looks away to avoid showing his sudden loss of composure on his face. John realizes his words, "I-I don't mean it's big like  _big big_. It's more like a thick big than a long big!" "Damn how long of a look did you get?" John blushes darkly, "I mean I don't care!! I'm just-I saw it and..-" Dave feels his own cheeks heat up as he turns on the shower. "Well I didn't need a report on how it's big," Dave shrugs casually and gets in the shower and pulls off his shades, laying them on the tub edge, behind the curtain. 

                "Can we forget this ever happened?" John pleads.

                "Nope."

                "Why not?" 

               "If you stay here any longer I'll ask you to join me in here."

             John pouts and rushes out the bathroom to the bedroom to hide under the covers for what he hoped was eternity.


	6. Let's eat our feelings.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yeah i got caught up in shit but im back

              After Dave finishes his shower and puts on his shades, he enters the room where John had hid under the covers. John looks up and quickly looks away, "You're going to change here?" "You saw me once already, who cares if you see it any more times. Besides, you seem to really like it," Dave wiggles his brows at John and receives a pillow to the face. "I do not!" John hides under the blanket and Dave chuckles sexily. "Don't you work today?" Dave asks as he dresses. John sits up suddenly, "SHIT. SHIT." He checks the time on his phone and jumps out of bed, "Dave! Where the fuck are my pants?" Dave blushes, "Just borrow mine." John didn't have time to think about why Dave wouldn't tell him where his pants were, instead searched through Dave's pants looking for the smallest one and struggling to pull it up and button up his shirt at the same time.   
           Dave shakes his head, walks over to him and buttons his shirt. John blushes, their cocks were so damn fucking close to each other, that was all he could think about when zipping up his pants. After that, Dave calls a cab and lets John know. 

           "What?? Isn't it more pricey or something to ask for them to risk their lives and job to get me to work?" John's hopping as he puts on his shoes, grabbing his stuff. "He's my friend, it's fine." Dave waves him off and opens the door for him, "Don't worry I'll have a stew and chicken pot pie waiting for you when you get back home. I'll make sure the kids get to school on time and remember to eat the lunch I prepared for you, honey." John cracks a smile, "Okay. Thanks." He waves as he leaves and Dave is left to cringe over himself and how dumb he acted around John, christ. 

                 Dave had few free days left before he had to work on that commercial as an assistant editor and he planned to spend all those motherfucking days with John, well that's what texted his sister anyway. Rose was a fuuuuuucking psychic or a witch or something, because she'd ask Dave all these weird questions, "Have you met anyone of your interest yet?" "I bet New York is filled to brim with gay blue eyed twinks made just for you." What kind of sister texts her brother that weird shit. And you bet Dave was deleting all those messages just in case John ever went through his phone.  
               When John came back from work, he went straight to Dave's place and Dave took him in like the love crushing little fucker he was. They lay around on couch, switching positions subconsciously until they both found a comfortable arrangement. John laying against Dave, with his back against his chest. Dave was going through John's tinder, trolling matches with guy fieri porn and ill beats about the person. John was dozing off, Dave's phone slipping from his hand. Dave let him rest, but in a hour, John woke up feeling like mario with a star level up, pulling on Dave's shirt. "Let's go have fun! We're still young!" Dave has no idea what had gotten into John, "Uh, yeah sure." "Where are we going?" John gets off of Dave and walks around the place like he had let loose snakes inside his pants. Dave raises a brow, "What do you mean? I thought you had some sort of idea." He hands John his phone and takes his own back. "Yeah! Idea to have fun," His eyes were bright and if he had a tail it would be a bushy and up like a bunny. 

                  "Coney Island?" "Been there, done that." "Statue of liberty." "That's so boooring." "Empire state--" "Are you just reading out of a tourism guide or something?" "What, no dude." Dave exits out the tourism guide he had on his phone. "We should go to Disney!" John plops back onto the couch, giggling like a dork. "In fucking Florida?" "It'll be worth it. Let's go." "Right now?" "If not now then when?" "We should plan ahead, do something else for now--" John takes Dave by the cheeks, pressing their foreheads together, "I really want this Dave. I have time off work, I lost a few days. I'm sure you have time now right?" Man, John was giving Dave a hard time in saying no. Who could say no to those puppy eyes? Dave stares at John's intensely blue eyes stare back at him. "Okay, but I only have three days." John breaks into a huge toothy grin that makes Dave's heart combust into pieces.

                   John makes his way to the door, "I'll pack my stuff! See you in a bit!" "Wait, who the fuck's paying for this trip?!" Dave calls after him, standing abruptly. "You, Duh," John says as he leaves. 

               Dave's eyes widened. What had he gotten his faggoty ass into?

* * *

                     John has packed way too much. Dave found scuba diving equipment on his carry on, after that, Dave decided to pull out everything that wasn't clothes or related to hygiene with John clinging to Dave that "No I need it Dave!" "You don't need /Groucho Marx glasses/." "I might." "And why the fuck are you bringing food erasers and dragon figurines?" "You never know Dave." By the time Dave pulls out all the bullshit, only one small luggage was left along with the carry on backpack John was carrying. 

                   "What are you bringing?" John looks around, there didn't seem to be any luggage around. "This." Dave picks up a backpack from the sofa and opens it, his clothes were in tight air ziplock bags and filled half the bag. The pockets were filled with little important bullshit. "And this messenger bag with my important tech, money and shit." John laughs at it, "Very hipster." "It's cool." Dave shrugs, "You ready? We'll have an hour extra of waiting by the way." "I just want to be there already," John whines. "Me too dude. Me too.

                   After what seemed years to them, two really gay shits playing lame games like I spy and a punch for every time we see someone playing fucking pokemon go fuck yourself. During long stretches of time like car rides and plane rides, John resting his head on Dave's shoulder to rest, because he "needed his energy" "this was not a gay thing" "Just storing up for Disney". When John had regained some energy with a nap as they got close to their hotel, he sat up normally, but Dave pulled him back down. "You got me used to that position. You can't move anymore." "Fine," John would act whiney, but in reality he liked it. 

                 The hotel was great. The room service was great. The thought of John gripping the sheets in bed were great. Even the little soap bars in the hotel were great. Or how Dave caught a glimpse of John's ass that one time. Seriously was John's ass great. Like fucking Fantastic Mr.Fox great. So great that--oh fuck, shit shit, dammit Dave, he just jizzed himself in the shower thinking about "dat ass" didn't he? I mean that was fine really, wouldn't be the first time someone came in there thinking of a certain stridork. 

                  "Can we go to the park now? I'm ready!" John knocks on the bathroom door. Dave turns the shower off, climbs out and dresses. He comes out as he's towel drying his hair, "Got your water? Money? Condoms in case you meet the right one?" "No condoms, but all the raging fire and mystery of the dark side of the moon," John replies smugly. "Lame," Dave playfully smacks John's stomach and puts the towel away. "Um, Dave, Have you ever gotten laid?" He asks randomly. "Have I what the fuck?" Dave grabs his money and room key. 

                   "Well, you act like the guy who gets all the girls and guys, too." "Cause I totally do." "So you're not a virgin?" "What do you think egbert?"

John sighs.

"What?"

"I am."

"That's fine dude."

"No, you don't get it. It's kinda lame."

"I don't care." Dave shrugs, leading them out of the hotel. "What if I never get laid?" John groans. "You'll get laid." Dave insists. "How do you know?" John tests. "Cause you're hot," He puts it simply. "Aw, thanks dude," John smiles that cute smile of his. 

Of course, John didn't know he would be losing his virginity very soon and by someone close to him.

 


	7. We're Brainless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING i know as much about disney in florida as a hetero knows whats its like to be gay

                         John was excited to get Dave wet at Splash Mountain and not just to see his wet shirt stick to his torso, no, that was gay. While he's there for a  **gay** time at Disneyland, he's not there for a _gay_ time at Disneyland. "We're brainless," Dave points out as they climb out of the ride. "Brainless?" John questions as he almost trips and smashes his head against the ground. "You made my point right there," Dave strolls out with John. "I almost trip and I'm brainless?" "You almost used your head on that one and not in the way anyone would want to." 

                   John almost stops walking, he glances at Dave then at the booths where you could play to win a stuffed toy of a sort. "Are you calling me stupid?" Dave almost internally freaks out,"I said _we're brainless_. Not just you. And it's more than that." John scrunches up his nose and furrows his brows, glancing at something invisible, his signature confused look, "This is Disney, not..uh, a poetry slam and I don't get your irony so let's go play over there." He points at the booths. "Brainless right there," He shrugs with slight smugness, "You chose the booth without thinking." Dave follows regardless. John groans, "If you win you can talk about your brainless irony." "Deal." Being brainless, talking about being brainless, was no big deal to Dave. Being brainless, talking about being brainless, made no sense to John. 

                   "I want that bunny plush over there-no, I'm winning that bunny." John smiles, real smug and all. "Unless I win it first," Dave replies, more smug than the other. Two other strangers join in on the race, taking a seat and paying their 5 bucks then gripping the water shooter. The buzz goes off and water smacks right into the bullseye. Dave keeps his eyes on his target, but John greedily needs to look at Dave for a second, he has to see how Dave's doing. Fucking has to. His eyes dart away from the target to Dave, his grip on the shooter loosens and realizes he accidentally pulled away from the bullseye for a second. The winning buzzer rang and Dave leans back, smirking, "Eye on the prize Egbert." The employee running the booth hands Dave a bunny, the one John wanted. "And I don't mean me." John bites his bottom lip. If only he hadn't pulled away to look at Dave. Now Dave was flaunting the bunny to tease John. A butt shake here. A twerk there. A bunny flip as if the bunny meant nothing to Dave. 

                     John looks away, "I don't even care about the bunny that much." He's pouting and Dave can see it. "Let's go on a ride next," John takes a step forward, but Dave's arm pulls him back. Dave places the bunny against John's chest. "Like hell I'd let my best bro not keep the bunny." John's cheeks flush, "Really? I can keep Casey?" "Who?" "The bunny." "You named the bunny already?" John nods and holds the bunny close, "Yeah and she's my daughter now." Dave casually strolls backwards in front of John, "You're the dad?" "I'm the dad," He nods. "Can I also be the dad?" "That would make us a couple." "It would." "Is that why you're trolling my tinder? So any possibilities would cease to exist?" John teases. 'Shit,' Dave turns back around and walks normally, "I won that bunny so I wanna be the Dad, too. It's only fair." "Hmm, Okay. Sounds cool," John shrugs and suddenly hooks his arm with Dave's, "Mr.Casey's Dad." 

                     From the booths, they walk to the Buzz Lightyear ride and wait in line instead of using one of the fastpasses they had. "You owe me a brainless talk." Dave points out. John sighs and hugs Casey. "Without much thought you decided to go to Disney." "I thought about it a little bit." "You choose everything without much thought." "You make it sound like I don't have a brain. I do think. I think a lot. About a lot of things." "And who's paying for this trip?" "..." "How did you decide that?" "..." "Did you think about it?" "Okay, so some times I don't think, but that's cause you don't need it." "What about moving in with me?" 

                   John's stiffens and his eyes widen when he realizes where Dave was trying to go with this brainless conversation this whole time. "You sure like to think about that way more than anything else you do," Dave nudges John playfully, "What's up with that?" John looks down at Casey, "Well, that's because..." He looks away. The area in line was dark, reflecting dark purple and neon lights. Those lights reflected off Dave's shades, making it harder to see his eyes. "Does it have to do with me? Too many dorito bags laying around? Too many wires?" John isn't answering. "Did you find my porn mag stash? Did it make you uncomfortable?" John stifles a laugh and Dave's awkward grin softens into a real grin. "C'mon John, don't get all serious on me." Dave leans in, their noses only centimeters apart, "You've never given me a proper reason." "There is a reason," John glances away. 

                Dave stares at him, waiting for an answer, but John's quiet for too long. "You can't keep up with your rent. Your place is ridiculously miniscule. I could fit it in my pocket. Your landowner sucks ass. You'd get to see me and my place is closer to your favorite pizza place. Not to mention-." John presses his bunny against Dave's mouth to shut him up. "Why do you want me to live with you so bad?" He doesn't sound annoyed, more discouraged and down than anything, "I'm messy. I don't pay rent on time. I do "brainless" stuff like push us to go to Disney-" That's when Dave stops John with a kiss, "I like it when you're brainless. I don't think I would of ever gone to Disney without you acting brainless, but right now you're being not brainless." John found it hard to take in Dave's words after Dave had just pressed his mouth against his lips. "Live with me John." "Live with you..."

              They moved closer to the front of the line, almost next. John nods, his blush unseen under the unnatural light. "I'll live with you." Dave smiled like a goof, raising his arm to cover it, trying to recover back into cool guy mode. "Nice." He mumbles. 

                                                  

                   


	8. Speak of the devil

                  After Disney, the move started while Dave was away on a new film project. Dave let John be in charge of how their stuff, like utensils, furniture, crap like that, would fit together in the apartment. Lowkey, John wished he didn't have his own room. He'd rather share one with Dave. The two nights they had in that Disney hotel made John want things of Dave he didn't think he'd wanted before. He stares at Dave's bed too often. He does see Dave. He came last night, but fuck was that bastard tired. Too tired to even tease John or playfully flirt. John never thought he'd miss Dave's teasing, but here he was, craving interaction with Dave. He often wondered. If Dave wasn't so out of reach, would John still feel the same way? Or was this...

                 Idiot thoughts. John sits up from his bed. He picks up his note pad for the millionth time. There was barely any writing on it. He sighs, "Fuck, I have't written any new material in weeks." He puts it back down, trying to think with his hands gripping his head, "Think. Think. What's funny?" His mind wanders to a memory of Dave and John throwing ice cream cones at each other at Disney arguing over who made a random family's baby cry, which coincidentally caused the baby to laugh at the two moronic best friends. Soon, John was giggling, "Oh Dave, I miss you." He catches himself say so and flushes, "No, definitely not like  _that_." He shakes his head, "Stand up comedy. Focus. Focus."   
  
                 After a month, John's spending more time in different stand up comedy theaters. Not only that, but that night he was invited to do his material at the New York Comedy Festival. He was there. Far too early. Trembling, reading over his note pad like a someone who'd forgotten to take his ocd pills. His eyes scanning over every detail of what he'd say and how and his body movements, doing weird rituals and countless other things others would think were insane. He'd done hundreds of shows, but his heart still beat faster than someone beating their ham. Back up key words were written on the palm his hand, but were all smudged out by his sweat. His turn was up in what felt like 5 minutes, but was really just an hour. He peaks out the curtain and his eyes go directly to a guy who looks exactly like Dave. Though taller, calmer and wearing some unnecessarily classy clothes. But who else wore shades indoors? Well, actually, he'd seen his handful of indoor shade wearing New Yorkers. 

                 The thought of Dave being amongst the crowd, even just pretending, calmed him. So up he went, with his first line already gaining a handful of laughs. Soon, he'd forgotten his nerves. After his performance, one of the producers of the Festival had to stop him with a "There's someone who wants to meet you." They moved out of the way to reveal a blonde carrying a bouquet of roses, "You know, even after all this time, I can't believe this is my first time seeing a proper performance done by my best friend." That smirk. Those shades. "Stridork," John smiles brightly, his front teeth as cute as ever according to Dave. John leans in. They were outside. It was dark and the moonlight was making Dave glow. John's body moves on its own and kisses Dave. Dave drops the bouquet, but as if John had sensed it, catches it. Dave welcomes John's lips. After ten years of tongue, they pull away, blushing. John was shuffling his feet awkwardly while Dave seemed far more calm. "I missed your stupid face," John mumbles, trying to laugh the awkward away. "I missed your stupid face," Dave nudges him, "But c'mon. Don't make this a cliche, miscommunication romcom moment. I like you. You like me. Am I right?" John nods. "And you totally want to be my boyfriend," Dave adds. "Well I wouldn't take it that far," John jokes. "You were funnier on stage," Dave takes his hand. "Meanie," John holds it. "I'll give you a ride home." "You don't drive." "I'm paying the taxi driver, same thing." 

                 Just like at Disney, Dave and John slept together. Nothing like that you pervs. Just sleeping. John curled up in Dave's arms. Alright, a little bit of dirty talk sometimes, but nothing more. This time it was different. There were no feelings to hide. Kisses that were begging to happen, happened. Dave's out of work. This was common and alright. John loves it. He spends more time with him. 

                 "Daaaaaaaaaave," John calls from the kitchen one cold Friday morning. There was no way Dave was getting up from the warm, soft comfort of his bed. Not for anyone. "Daaaaave. We're out of instant ramen!" "Go buy some!" Dave shouts from the bedroom. "But I don't want to!" "Then why are you complaining?!" "Cause I wanna!" Dave rolls his eyes and tries to go back to sleep. After a few minutes, Dave feels John crawling back into bed and lets him cuddle into his arms. "You're warm," He hugs Dave tighter,"I like it." "I like you." "I like you, too."  Dave's hands wander off to John's buns, but John is too used to this to even flinch. Dave looks down at John and with his hand, tilts John's chin to look up at him. "What?" John's bright blue eyes stare into his boyfriend's red ones. Dave kisses him and soon they're unstoppable gaylords, ruling the bed with their gay makeouts. "How do you feel about a quickie?" Dave whispers. John shrugs, "I want to be able to walk today." "If you get used to it, you'll be able to walk after a rough fuck..." He smirks. 

                 John faces the ceiling, "I'm seeing a friend today. I need to walk." "A friend?" Dave stares at the same ceiling, calmly, hardly a change in expression. John nods, "Mhm, he's an old friend of mine. I want you to meet him actually." "Then we should get up and get ready right," He says half assed, not at all making a move to get up. "Yeah...but," John looks at Dave, pleading with his eyes. Dave pulls John into his chest, "You wanna cuddle." John nods into Dave's chest, "But force me out of bed around noon." "That gives us about....5 minutes." "Wait really?"

                Instead of answering, Dave thinks it's better to spoil his dork with kisses so sweet, anime bubbles and roses filtered the room. Noises so cute emitting from John that they were gold to any hentai voice acting director. The amount of moe flooding the room in that instant was too much.

                 "D-Dave, c'mon, w-we, h-haaa...have to get up," John tries to pull away, but part of him wants to stay and be spoiled. Dave nods and lets him go, but doesn't get up himself. He snuggles back into bed as if he had nowhere to be. John takes off his shirt, rolls it up and smacks Dave's bare back. Dave doesn't even react. "Dave! We have to get ready. I don't want to irritate my friend with being late...well he's always angry regardless, but that's not the point." John nervously played with his shirt. "I can feel you freaking out," Dave lazily sits up. A sloth couldn't beat him in plodding. Dave takes the shirt away from John and takes his hands into his own. John's legs stop their nervous habitual shaking. "Chill it, we'll get there on time. Has Dave Strider ever failed you?" "You're right," John pecks Dave's lips, calmer and gets out of bed. 

                "Wait John, you haven't told me the name of your friend." 

                "Oh right!" John exclaims as he walks out of the room, "His name is Karkat. Karkat Vantas."


	9. Thirdwheel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its angry smol

             "Oh that's him!" John points at the short guy standing by the sidewalk, a few blocks away in front of the hotel. His hair sticks out in all sorts of places in a brown curly mess hidden by a hoodie. The bags under his eyes were darker than those of an scene's kids heart and his olive skin looks soft, like a baby's freckled butt without the crack in it. Dave raises a suspicious brow at the contender for friendship . 

             "Karkat!" John jogs towards Karkat. Karkat has luggage at his feet. He almost trips on them when he looks up from his phone and takes a step forward. "Fucking, god damn pieces of leather scraps," He kicks one of his luggage bags with all the furiosity of a kitten. Dave slowly follows behind, joining them just as Karkat mutters obscenities under his breath while picking up his bags. "Who's that creep trailing your tail?" Karkat asks, raising his chin at Dave. "My boyfriend," John grins softly, blushing a bit as he looks back at Dave. Karkat almost chokes on his own dick right then and there. "Boyfriend? You have a boyfriend?" He sounds more surprised than anything, "And it's  _this_ loser?" "Don't you feel the love in the air?" Dave interrupts, spreading his arms dramatically. Karkat crosses his arms, "John, you're honestly not that ugly so I was expecting you'd rope in someone who didn't look like an anal cavity with eyes and an ingress." "John, my love," Dave looks to John, "You're really fucking hot and have a lovely personality so I was hoping the friends you roped in didn't have the personality of the last shit I took." 

             Dave swears that Karkat had just growled at him. John nudges Dave while giggling, "That one was pretty good." Karkat turns around, picks up his shit and walks into the hotel without them. "Oh man, Karkat!" John follows after, "He's not serious." "Yeah I am," Dave trails behind. Karkat looks back at John, "I don't care what mrcollegedropout has to say about me. It doesn't hurt. I just don't want to waste my time listening to words I'd rather wipe my ass with." He grumbles, brows furrowing so closely they were in danger of becoming one. "Wait, mr who?" John questions. 

             "So you _do_ remember me." Dave catches up with both of them. John looks at Karkat, puzzled, then at his boyfriend, eyebrows raising higher than me on 4/20, "You two...know each other?" Karkat scowls, " **Unfortunately** , I had the luck to have him as my dorm mate for almost two shitty years and listen to the stain shitting music he made over and over until my eardrums detonated into more splinters inside a cooch with a broken broom stick shoved up inside, specifically the one his moronic ass used to beat the headmaster piñata on the night of the bonfire and the only fucking reason I know this titty licking incident happened is because the crown's  _head_ shattered through my oriel like cumshot!!! Your fucking "boyfriend" wasn't even sorry that he almost  _killed_ me with his insufferable dull-witted antics which are not even the end his recurrent dick whipping inclinations to annoy me with his puerile bullcrap!!"

               John had blanked out at "until my eardrums" and was staring to space as Karkat had stopped to go on and on about who knows what, because even Dave was somewhere, admiring the hotel's pinterest worthy "aesthetics." Karkat notices none of them are paying attention and yells, "No wonder you're both together, you're both fucking idiots. Fine, see if I care! I have other friends in this city." He angrily marches off to get his hotel key card. John finally snaps out of it, following Karkat, "Huh? I'm sorry Karkat, what were you saying?" Karkat ignores him and checks in and takes his card. Dave returns from taking ironic photos that he was not totally gonna upload to pinterest ironically. John continues to plead forgiveness as he follows the almost stomping short fuck in front of him. 

              "Karkat _pleeeeeaaase._ I'm sorry. I got distracted. I'll listen!" "Dude, what did you do to him?" Dave asks as they all get into the elevator. Karkat pretends they aren't there, going to his floor, then to his door, but stopping before opening the door. John takes Karkat's hand. "I missed you. I wanna hang out! Don't ignore me," he begs as he stares at Karkat with puppy dog eyes. "You've lost there little dude. Once he uses the puppy dog face you've lost. Any hope to escape to a refuge of a non-puppy dog face area are gone." Dave shrugs, shaking his head. Karkat blushes and looks away, pulling his hand away, "Alright! Alright! Just let me put my shit away. I'm tired..." He uses his card to get in and drops his luggage, slumbering to bed and passing out. 

            "Sweeeeeet," Dave looks around the gorgeous hotel room. "This is lavish as fuck. It's even got a gaming console." He inspects the collection of ps4 games next to the console on a fancy rack. "Oh cool!" John checks them out along with Dave, "Let's play them!" Dave shows him Halo 2, "How bout this? They have other Halo games too, but every Halo game is the same thing anyway." John dramatically gasps, "Rude. Every Halo game is uniquely different with small distinctions-" "I'll kiss you if you don't shut up about it." John smirks and keeps talking,"-that should be honored and rewarded. I'm sure the game-" Dave kisses him without a moments hesitation. John, just as unhesitant, pulls Dave's shirt to pull him in closer. Dave's hands gently move down John's back, up his shirt, sending chills up his spine. John squeals at the first touch and giggles, "That tickles." He mumbles into the kisses. "How about some fun you promised me earlier?" Dave makes a grab at John's round buns and John blushes, "But Karkat is here." "It's alright, All we gotta do is.." Dave parts to close the bedroom door that separated them from the fancy living room and kitchen combo. "It'll be a quickie. He's asleep anyway." John is still blushing. They had only ever had sex once. It still made John nervous specially since Dave was his first. 

            "But what if he wakes up? I'm a really loud moaner." His eyes widen and he blushes furiously, "T-that's not what I.." He covers his face. Dave chuckles, "But it's hot right? The thought of almost getting caught." He presses his body against John once more, arms wrapping around John's waist and pulling him onto his lap as he sits on the couch. "Any second, he might open the door to see us fucking. Doesn't it excited you?" He was totally try harding, trying to convince John that it was okay and also he was very horny and he wanted that dorky d. John shakes his head, "That makes me more nervous." "Then uh.." Dave aborts the previous plan and kisses him again.

             John hadn't gotten off his lap. There was still a chance. John is kissing back, allowing Dave to touch him in all his dirty and sensitive places with his hands and lips. John's holding in his moans, or at least trying. It sounded like small whimpers and exhales as he tries not to moan loudly. Dave is quick to pull off John's bottoms. He whispers in John's ear, "To be completely honest, I've been horny since I woke up." "I could tell," John grins widely, it was beautiful. Dave's heart skips a beat, 'I love him.' "Uh Dave," He unzips Dave's pants, "Is it alright if I go ahead and...well, your cock looks really restrained." Dave snorts. "W-what?" John asks, embarrassed. Dave shakes his head, laughing softly, "I'm just imagining a rooster being pulled back by the wings as his friends keep him back, restrained." John laughs and punches his chest, "Dork." At that moment, Karkat had been up for a while and eventually forced his way out of bed. He's peeking through the door, double checking to see if what he was witnessing was actually happening. His eyes were wider than John's ass would be in a couple of moments and his mouth was gaping. Suddenly, his gape turned into a frown and his eyes were shut, biting his lips. He closes the door and crawls back into his bed. "I will not cry." He grumbles, shutting his eyes even tighter.

              John unzips and takes off Dave's pants with nervous and clumsy fingers. Dave stares lovingly at John for eternity until John asks Dave to stop staring because it "made him nervous". DaveJohn grind on each other while Dave leaves harsh love bites on John's neck that form a shitty looking, but still recognizable star. John strokes both of their cocks together. "Hnnng...D-Dave, w-what are you doing?" "Drawing a star." "Why?" "Because you're the star of my life." John explodes internally, blushing darkly, but recollects himself with a laugh, "You suck." "Your dick," Dave retorts. "Daaaave, stooop," He pouts. Dave's heart pounds, 'Too cute. I love him,' he thinks, but externally says, "I'll stop when you ride me." John explodes internally once more, "Ride you?" He repeats, shyly. He was not at all the shy type, but riding someone had to be the most vulnerable position in existence. "You're already on my lap," He returns to kissing John's neck. "Y-yeah, I am," He lifts himself, about to sit on Dave's cock. "Wait dude, what are you doing? You're going in dry?" Dave looks at him confused. "W-wait what?" John sits on Dave's lap once more, "I don't know! I don't anything!" He rests his forehead against Dave's shoulder, "I'm no pro like you are." 'Too cute for this world,' Dave grins softly.

             "We'll do this the old fashion way then." Dave flips them so John lays down on the couch looking up at his boyfriend, or rather looking down at Dave spreading John's legs. "Then good, I'm..getting pretty horny here so can you not eat my ass out this time? Not that I don't appreciate a nice ass eat out, I just want to get to you...doing the do," John explains, "B-but I do need a-" "The talking ends now John. We've been beating around the bush for too long," He pulls out his wallet and the travel sized lube inside it. John makes a surprised noise in his throat and he points at it, "Can we at least talk about why you carry lube around?" Dave opens the little packet and pours some onto his fingers, gently prodding at John's entrance which shut his boyfriend right up. "To add as a seasoning for my dinner, what do you think John?" Dave thrusts a single finger that causes John to curl his toes involuntarily, "Mmm-" He purses his lips. Dave pulls off John's shirt. Seeing John naked was far better than any view he'd seen in his life. "Oooh, fuck yes," He mumbles under his breath and leans in, taking John's nicely sized cock (It was pretty long, longer than Dave's...it surprised him actually. He'd never seen a dick that long.) into his mouth and deep throating him, remembering that Karkat could wake at any moment. So he slightly rushed it, from preparing John's tight ass to shoving his cock into John (and John moaning "Finally."), remembering that John was lowkey a dirty bottom so-oh my god he did not think this through. Dave's ramming into John, completely overtaken in this magical world of John's loud, needy moans, before realizing how noisy they were being. It had to end now, because he knew John did not know how to control his moans yet. 

       "D-Dave, w-what are you-AAAHHHH," John moans, trembling with his shaky legs wrapped tightly around Dave's waist. "Y-you're going f-fast-" He couldn't finish one sentence before a sequence of moans emitted from his watery mouth. "f-faster than usual-FUCK, DAVE AHHH FUCK NNNNG, FUCK ME HARDER DAMN IT." Dave had no idea what had suddenly come over John, but he wasn't complaining. "FASTER.HARDER. AHH.MAKE ME CUM. AAHHH." John grips Dave's shoulders like a hardcore masseuse, tightening his grip as he got closer with every thrust. "PLEASE. AHHH~" "Sure, If you call me daddy." 'Oh man, he's definitely going to be turned off by that, oh my god why did I ask that.' "DADDY! AHH FUCK ME DADDY. FUUUCK ME."

             Dave is pleasantly surprised. "J-just a b-bit more," John warns. Dave nods, grunting and panting as he'd reached his speed limit, "Sorry dude, I-I c-can't-" Dave comes  _hard_ into his ass. Right after, John pulls Dave closer as he comes all over them, it was (p.s) a fuck ton. The vigorous panting that came afterwards was insane to say the least. It was a full minute of heavy panting before any of them could even move. "D-Dave. This was...awesome, but we...should of..done..it...back...home," He pants between words. "No use crying over spilled aj," Dave smirks, greatly satisfied. He pulls out, completely forgetting that they were on a couch in a fancy hotel which was now currently being soiled by his cum that dripped out of John's ass, but he doesn't care. He places a pillow over the spot and gets off the couch, he opens his arms for John to lean on. John shakes his head, "I can do it. I think my butt is getting used to it." He says then stands and almost eats shit before Dave catches John's lanky, naked body. John giggles, "Guess not." 

         Dave smiles. John stares at him, "D-Dave." "What?" Dave's smile disappears. "Aw, I guess I shouldn't have said anything." John shakes his head, "C'mon. We gotta hurry and clean up." And they did. And Karkat pulled off his headphones, checking once again to see if the moans had stopped. 

         

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i never meant to make the fucking so serious, but here it is and im not changing it


	10. His crush's boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is dave filled w stupid jokes in this chapter??? probably

                 "Maybe you were a little right. If I compared Halo 2 to Halo 5 the difference is wider than your spread legs when I-" "Bro, please. Karkat's here." John nudges Dave. His head rests on Dave's head, both sitting on the couch playing Halo 2. Karkat tosses them glares as he eats the cheesecake he ordered from room service. "Nah, he ain't even gonna notice. Yo Karkles, you don't care if I dirty talk John right?" "I'm not going to be your fucking third wheel. John promised to hang out with me and I'm not letting your liver squatting ass pulp some weak dirty talk during our hang out, so if you could sew your mouth closed with some lemon squeezed thread that would make my day." John aw's and wraps an arm around Karkat, "I'll give you all my attention." Karkat looks less grumpy, "I expect no less." 

                 "Hah, you lost," Dave stares at the scoreboard, as if he hadn't heard what Karkat had just said, "Not even close to beating my sweet sweet ass." John frowns, "It's just hard to play games when your ass is sore." Karkat chokes on his cheesecake. Dave's lips break into a tight smirk and John pats Karkat's back as he struggles to swallow and pounds his chest. "Dave! Get him some water!" "Righty o'...where's the water?" Karkat continues is wheezing, pointing at the water bottle on the counter. Dave grabs it and hands it to Karkat who snatches it away and chugs it.

               When he's finally able to breath normally, he shouts at Dave, "You're a fucking imbecile. You didn't know where the water was even though it was right in front of your crummy eyes!!-and you did it so unceremoniously like you were going to take a fucking piss! Except I was your fucking toilet bowl-" "Dude, you're into some weird kinky shit. I don't really wanna hear about it." "I don't think that's what he meant," John cut in. "Fuck you! It's not my kink! You're a stupid kink!" "What." "Nothing! Shut up!" Dave smirks wider. "Stop looking at me with your ghastly crooked trout lips-" "Oh Karkat~! You're sweeping me off the feet with your words!" Dave placed a gentle hand over his forehead, "John, I might leave you for Karkat, I mean, he's so...he's so... _dreamy._ " He falls back onto the couch arm. "I think you should stop teasing," John pokes him. Karkat grits his teeth and leans in, past John to reach Dave, "Do you want me to punch you in your repugnant snout you scut sneering biped fa-" John holds the struggling Karkat back. "Dave, apologize. Seriously. This isn't funny anymore," John wasn't taking Dave's shit. "It's hot when you're stern with me. If only you could do it in bed," He flirts. Karkat swings at Dave, but John pulls him back, "Dave! Fucking-just-"

             Dave reaches a hand out to Karkat, "Sorry, friends?" Karkat slaps his hand away and takes John's hand, "Let's go hang out. Fuck your boyfriend." "Actually I'm usually the one-" John pinches Dave's side to shut him up. "Of course Karkat," John stands and follows Karkat out the hotel while still holding his hand. Dave shrugs and follows behind, muttering to himself, "I guess I'll stop pulling on his dick." 

             The day is fun for them. They chase ducks in the park, Karkat almost falls face first into the pond, Dave saves his dumb ass. They eat hot dogs like proper new yorkers on a bench and lip sync people on the street. 

             "Oh sorry there sir, I just had to stop to tell you your dick was out." ( J )  
             "That's no problem, actually your pussy is out too." ( K )

             "Yes, I'm taking it out to the dry cleaners to wash up." ( D )

             "Mind if I tickle it with my banana here?" ( J )

             "Fuck no, I only let baguettes into my clit. Rude shit." ( D )  
             "I'm honestly surprised I was right when I guessed your vagina was out, there was so much hair I though it was snuffleupagus." ( K )

             Dave looks at Karkat and raises his hand, "Dude, that was fucking sick." Karkat high fives him, "I know. I'm amazing." He smiles all contently and shit. John smiles at them. Dave and Karkat awe at the smile. 

             They walk around window shopping, sometimes going in and buying goods. Dave bought John and himself matching sweaters. "My faggot." With arrows pointing at each other. It was dumb, Karkat kept telling them. A stupid buy. Matching couple clothes were stupid, he insisted, but DaveJohn proudly wore them, both for the irony and for the real meaning behind them. They played punch hipster, which was who could find a hipster amongst the crowd would punch the other two contenders. The game had to stop when Dave was practically leaving Karkat and John with more than just temporary injuries, specially Karkat who didn't work out for the life of him. John massaged Karkat's arms as an apology and Karkat just accepted the massaging, blushing the whole time. Dave noticed. 

            After a day full of miscellaneous activities and bullshit, John forced Dave to buy them dinner as an apology for Karkat for earlier. (He just wants free food though). "Fuck no, I don't want your chump change buying us food," Karkat complains. "I don't _have_ to spend my money on your crabby titty licking asshole," Dave shrugs, without an extra fuck to hand to Karkat. John's internal panic shows on his face, "C'mon guys. Let's just eat out." He tugs on Dave's sweater sleeve, "Please." Karkat blinks, taking in John's cute puppy dog look. "Okay, let's go eat," Dave and Karkat say at the same time.             

            John is happily taken to a buffet to fill his wildest dreams. Dave's paying. Karkat's taking advantage of the free food situation. Dave and John play footsie under the table. Karkat notices.


	11. dick dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> head shoulders knees and dick, knees and dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter was short because there was so much i wanted to say, but couldnt put it into words

                    "Haaa...D-Dave...Dave," John grips Dave's shoulders. Dave's smirk grows wider. John's back arches up suddenly, "O-okay, n-no more, I'm serious." "You're totally enjoying this."

                     John blushes, giggling, "Seriously." "Seriously what?" Dave tilts his head as if he doesn't understand. "S-stop tickling me," John pushes Dave off him once and for all. "No more tickles!" He announces. 

                This was a daydream Dave was having about a cuddling session that happened a few weeks ago. He's at home while John and Karkat hang out for day 2. He does what anyone would do when their gay boyfriend was gone, work out so when John came back he'd have abs for him to touch and swoon over. Or at least that was the plan. 

                 He leaves for the gym. It was heaven's luck that he didn't drive, because if he did, he would of ran over twenty peter parker's uncles by just thinking of John. 

                 He gets to the gym. Makes a bee line for the weights. Picks a 30 lbs up. Almost drops it when John snuggles in Dave's oversized sweater in his head. He blinks John out of his eyes and starts lifting with both arms. Fucking drops one when John slips off red laced panties. It slams against the ground with a loud _thump_ and everyone at the gym turns their heads to look at him. He ignores them, puts the weights away, decides to do something more simple, like sit ups. He uses his red mat in an empty carpeted space and proceeds to try to do 200 sit ups as a warm up. At sit up 90, already tired, he imagines John smiling brightly at him after just waking up. His hair is an unruly and matted dark mess. His cheeks are blotched red with uneven dark skin tones and in the sleepiest and groaniest little voice John could muster, he'd say something like, "Good morning, Dave. I love you." Okay so the I love you part was a bit of an exaggeration. 

                Stopped at mid sit up he whispers, "I love you. I wonder how he'd take that." He continues his sit ups. "200," he gasps for a breath. His arms wrap around John's waist, slowly dancing around the living room. Soft music in the background. Dave whispers in John's ear. John giggles. He kisses him. He kisses back. They whisper. The clock shows the small hand pointing at 2 and the long hand pointing at 6. It was dark outside. They slow dance until their legs are weak. Until John is leaning onto Dave because his feet can't take it. Until Dave takes off his shades and leads John into bed to sleep.

               "Excuse me? Hello?" A buff looking Danny DeVito waves his hand in front of Dave who stands in front of a machine, half getting on, but frozen. "You've been standing like that for five minutes. You gonna use the machine or what?" "Sorry bro, I just have this serious medical condition-" 'Yeah it's called my boyfriend is really amazing' "Oh my god, I'm so sorry." 'No It's okay I made it up.' Dave shakes his head, "It's all good bro." Dave gets on the machine finally. Ten minutes pass and he's doing fine. John's doing fine. Really fine. Specially in those tight briefs that outlined his clear boner for Dave. The romantic music coming from the apartment across from them set the music. His hands gliding up and down John's sides. John reacting to every touch, shivering, biting his lip and panting softly as his cock and Dave's rubbed against each other. No. No. No. Not at the gym. Dave's brows are raised higher than the empire state building and his dick harder than a teenage mutant turtle's shell. He wraps his sweater around his waist and immediately leaves. He continues his work out with his right hand at home.

                By 10pm and no reply texts from John, Dave was pacing the apartment. "I'm so fucking bored." He picks up Disney souvenirs, eats, watches useless tutorials of things he'll never make and stares at the clock. Dave's head rests on his desk. "What the fuck. I couldn't do shit today." He'd never had a day like this. The door handle turns. The door opens and John strides in, tired. Dave is suddenly at the door, arms around John's shoulders, "Why didn't you respond to my texts? Had that much fun?" Dave was just as tired. John shakes his head, "Phone died." John wraps his arms around Dave's waist, "Something the matter?" "I missed you." "I missed you, too." "Let's go to bed." "I have to brush my teeth first Dave." "Fuck that. Come to bed." "Of course babe." John nuzzles Dave's chest, "Cuddles sound nice." 

                  DaveJohn strip off their clothes and get into bed. No pauses or words exchanged. Just John curling up against Dave's chest and Dave holding the love of his life.

                   The next morning, John didn't talk about his day with Karkat. Dave could tell, something was wrong. 


	12. a fucking chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters are going back to being short again not that they were any long to begin with

                "You're not hanging out with him today." It's said as of stating the obvious as Dave passes John a cup of coffee on the couch. John holds the coffee with Dave's sweatshirt sleeves covering his hands. "No. Not today. He's seeing other friends." Dave relaxes into the couch, letting wendy williams run in the background. "But I get to hang out with you today instead!" John smiles radiantly. Dave's chest splits into two and Eros comes flying out of his body, smacking an arrow right into what was left of Dave's chest. There was never a better sight. Not even a crab fighting a lucanus elaphus while seth rogen watched from a distance, jerking off into guy fieri. "Who else better to spend the day with?" Dave gently pulls John close. "My gay boyfriend," John points out. "But I do have to warn you-" "Nooooo. No Dave no. Don't even say it." "I gotta say it. So we can plan how many days I have left to-" "Noooo. Shhhhh." John puts down the coffee and covers Dave's mouth with both hands. "Every time you say you have to warn me about something it just means you'll leave me again!" John climbs onto Dave's lap. Dave calmly stares, his red eyes barely visibly past the shades. "Last time I barely got a few words from you in one month! One month!" John raises his voice, tightening his grip on Dave's mouth without noticing. "I get that film, that it's important work Dave. I get that."

                 Before John can finish, Dave flips them. He's stuck John's wrists to the couch. "I didn't know you were this needy." "I'm not! John blushes. "I just want to salvage a normal relationship out of this." "I'm not used to filling up my free time with something that isn't getting ahead in production, like a really cute guy I want to spend all my time with." John blushes as if someone had touched his dick for the first time. 

                 "Y-yeah well...you should." John tries to move his hands away. Dave leans in and kisses him. John relaxes. "I'll make time for you. Just like today." "What are we doing today?" John sits up after Dave lets him go, but snuggles into Dave, almost sitting on his lap. Dave leans in closer, wanting more of John to touch him, "Couple stuff. Couple spa treatments. Couple clothes. Couple dates. Couple fucks. Couple kisses. Couple bdsm." "What was that last one?" "Couple work out." "No, I'm pretty sure you said bdsm." Dave gasps dramatically, " _John_ , go wash out your mouth with soap." John sticks his tongue out, "I actually wouldn't mind trying it out at least once in my lifetime." "It better be with me." "Fuck yeah it is." Dave kisses him and John climbs back onto his lap, making out passionately. John all up and done in Dave's sweater and the lamest plaid boxers. Dave in sweatpants and an old shirt. The most unsexiest attire being worn as they grind all up on each other, moaning and panting. They weren't even fucking and the sounds they make probably make the pope pray ten fold of what they already pray. John begs to take off the sweater because he was heating up, but Dave finds it a turn on and begs it on. "Just until it's over." "At this rate we'll end up fucking." "I wouldn't mind." "Babe!" "Okay what about we fuck twice. First time, keep it on, I'll keep it quick. Second time, take it off." "Deal." 

                  The twink gods came and blessed John that cold morning as he was butt fucked repeatedly by his boyfriend. The fuck was so good, he forgot to take off his sweater. No, the fuck was so good, he orgasmed three times in two minutes and 6 times in the whole hour that they spent fucking. Snack breaks included. "I'm going to need that sweater back." "Oh uh sorry, I sweat all over it. It must smell like me, haha. Sorry Dave." No you don't understand John. That's what he fucking wants. "No problemo. I don't mind." John takes it off, "I-it's so cold." "Do you want me to-" Author wiggles brows at readers. "N-no! I don't even know if I can walk anymore. No more.." John cuddles up to Dave onto the bed they had moved to. In five minutes, he was fast asleep, but Dave was on his phone, planning the day they would have together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and to those few of you wondering, yes wendy williams played in the background as they had sexy time


	13. another gay chapter what did you expect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tend to update a fuck ton more now, shit im obsessed with these gays

                  John wakes in Dave's arms. Instead of moving from his spot, he snuggles closer to him. He looks up at Dave, checking that he's asleep. Then staring at his freckles before removing Dave's shades. He lifts Dave's eyelid to see his red eye. It'd only been a few times he'd ever saw them. Flashback to Dave having to spirit gum the shades onto his face because his curious boyfriend wouldn't give up on seeing him without them. "Dork," John whispers, letting the eyelid close. He looks back at Dave's freckles, "1...2..3...4,5,6,7,8,9-" "Trying to remember how to count?" Dave's voice startles John who jumps back, "You're awake?" Dave rubs his eyes, "Do I look asleep to you?" John grins, "You're not getting your shades back." "As long as we get to stay home. All of the sudden, I've changed my mind about our date," Dave pats the space John left and John snuggles back into the spot with Dave. "Really? You'll walk around without shades? Our relationship is getting really serious isn't it? I don't know how to handle this Dave!" John was obviously joking. Dave smirks and rubs his sleepy face, "You're really too cute." John blushes, "What?" Dave pulls him into his chest, "Nothin." 

                  "We can't sleep all day," John nudges him. Dave kisses his head, "Says who?" "Says me." John sits up. Dave pulls him back down. John rolls away. Dave's long arm pulls him back. John worms out from underneath Dave's grip. Dave's legs pull him back up. "Daaaaaave!" John groans. His hair was messier than before. Sex hair from the night before that gave him goku hair on the back and cowlicks from trying to wriggle away from Dave as well as tangles where it looked like joffrey baratheon's stuck gum all over John's hair. His sweatshirt looked as if one of cinderella's ugly sisters tried to pull it from one side so it exposed John's shoulder like a cheap hooker.

                  Dave's finally waking up, sleepiness leaving him. He is sitting up and John is upsettingly crossing his arms at him. "You look so fuckable right now," Dave admits, pulling down John's boxers. John pulls them back up, "No. My ass is sore." "No one said I'd be shoving my sausage in your bun babe," Dave pulls them back down. John watches, "We just vigorously fucked a while back and you want more? Is this how you were with all your other boyfriends and girlfriends?" "Only with you." Dave admits, rubbing John's already hardening cock. "Don't you think the readers will think we're fucking too much?" "Now is not the time to break the fourth wall," Dave leans in, kissing his neck, "Fuck what they think. I want you." John's cheeks flush, "Yeah?" "I need you," Dave rubs against him. John moans and arches his back, "Yes..ahh.yes, please need me." Even though Dave said he wasn't gonna shove his clarinet in John's bum hole, that was exactly what he did. John didn't complain. That was until they were gonna fuck once more, but a ring came to the door. 

                 "Shit," John groans and places his hand over his forehead, "And to think I was really horny today." Dave's eyes widen, "Really?" John sits up, "But there's someone at the door-" "We'll do it quick. If it's important they can wait." "But I feel bad leaving them out there." Dave strokes John's cock, "So do I, but think of our hard boners." John moans loudly, but pushes Dave's hand away. "Don't convince me with sex." John gets out of bed and ties a towel around his bottom half, opening the door. He almost drops his towel when he opens the door.   
  
                    "Fucking finally, you sewering pancreas fuck." Karkat walks right in. John can barely react. Dave overhears the angry voice and quickly recognizes it, slamming the bedroom door and changing into his pajamas from earlier. John closes the apartment door, "W-what are you doing here? I thought you were going to see Sollux." "His honey ass ditched last minute like the incompetent piece of swindler pigmy butterfly cock banger his very existence swims in. Okay, so he didn't exactly ditch. He just got the dates all wrong. Which just proves my point of how much of a spine muncher his maxillary double dogs can sink into deep oceans of idiocy. So I'm here, because I have nothing better to do than sit my ass with two losers who do nothing better but make me the third wheel, but I'm here anyway! Because I'm a loser like you guys. Except more so because I don't have anyone to share my fucking life with like you two imbeciles do." 

                   "You can share your life with us. Make it a threesome. We can make it work," Dave appears behind them. Karkat furrows his brows at Dave, "I would rather become a eunuch than share my life with the inconspicuous likes of your blonde shit face." "You're the one in my home. And John likes putting his ass on my face so my face can't be all that bad," He smirks, leaning on the couch. Karkat screams and grabs the nearest pillow. John holds him back, "Dave, that's enough. Karkat, be quite please!" Karkat pushes John away, "I thought you maybe had changed, but you're still the pathetic low life I knew from college." Dave looks a little genuinely surprised. "You've mentioned something like that before," John points out, "You two...went to college together?"  
  
                   "Unfortunately," Karkat grits his teeth, "Dorm mates even. Thank god he dropped out." John looks at Dave, expectantly. Dave shrugs, "I didn't think it was important to tell you." "It sounds important to me," John steps up to Dave and pecks his lips, "I'll go change. Keep Karkat company."

                   "Ooooh, Fan fucking tastic. Leave me with imbecile number one!" Karkat grumbles and sits on the arm chair, curling up into a ball. "So I'm number one?" Dave smugly asks. "Shut up. You're number one on my shit list and it's not a good thing." "How did John  **ever** become friends with the likes of your crabby butt?" Dave sits on the couch, a foot over his knee. "I said shut up." Karkat pulls his turtleneck closer to his chin. "What are you gonna do? Block me out with your turtleneck?" "Maybe!!!" Karkat pulls up his turtleneck past his head, pulling his knees into his shirt.

            John returns to a Karkat in a ball and a Dave laughing his ass off. "What's he doing?" "Being really cute," Dave giggles. John grins, "He is being pretty cute." Karkat blushes underneath his shirt. John walks to the kitchen, "Do you want anything to eat Karkat?" Dave turns on the tv, "John you can't cook." "Neither can you." "Yeah I can." "You've never cooked for me." "You've never asked."  
               Karkat's head pokes out of his sweater hole, "What do you have to offer?" 

                John opens the fridge door, "Cereal. Pancakes. Sausages. Eggs." "I want all of the above," Karkat sits up, wrapping his arms around his legs that remained tucked in his shirt. John's eyes widen for a sec, "Wait, really? That's a lot." "I want to get buff," Karkat claims. Dave snorts, "You? With your flimsy bijou body?" "Yes," Karkat replies, confidently, "I've already started working out. I just need to tweak my diet a bit." "No ounce of extra food or working out will change your adorably miniscule body into a leviathan beast," Dave smirks, eyes still on tv. 

               Karkat growls. John returns to Karkat with a bowl of cereal, "Don't listen to Dave. I'm sure you can change your body. I believe in you." John winks at him playfully and Karkat slightly flushes and nods. John leaves to the kitchen to work on making breakfast. Dave calls out to him, "Do you need me to help? Last time you burned the mac and cheese." John blinks and looks up, "Dave come over here." Dave does so, "Yeah babe?" John whispers passionately, "I only burned it because you were practically fucking me on the countertop!" "But I didn't fuck you. Not technically," Dave whispers calmly with a smug grin, "You didn't complain though." "Bye Dave," John ignores him and returns to cooking. "You called me over here." "To set the matter straight." "Says my gay boyfriend." "If you say I'm right and drop the matter we can do the... **thing**...you've been wanting to do with me." Dave's freezes, "You're one hundred percent right John. You're always right. Forgive me your majesty. I'll drop the matter so fast the wifi in Korea wouldn't be able to keep up." John giggles and nods.

              Dave returns to find Karkat channel surfing and sneaks up behind him, picking him up. He freezes, taken aback, "D-dave what are you-" Dave body slams him back onto the couch, he slaps the couch three times, "Ding ding ding!! Aaaaand the winneeeeer iiiiis-" "Get off me!" Karkat wriggles around, "Get your fat ass off me!" "Daaaaaaave Striiiiiiiideeeer." Dave stands up, walking around with his arms raised singing Randy Orton's entrance music. Karkat suddenly laughs. Like really laughs, He's holding his stomach and he's got this big smile on his face and he looks like he's genuinely enjoying himself. John hears it and walks into the living room. DaveJohn stare at Karkat in disbelief. Karkat was beautiful when he laughed like that. Dave looks at John, "Can we keep him? Please." "Yes. As long as you feed him and take him outside for walks," John grins. Karkat's laugh finally dies down and he wipes his tears of laughter, "You're a dumbass." 

               Karkat's bites his bottom lip and looks away, muttering, "Maybe. Maybe you're not so bad."   
                     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notice how i only post past midnight


	14. pour up pour up

                  "Karkat. Chill with us today," John says with a smile as he and squeeze into the lilliputian couch with Karkat. "Are you an idiot?-" "-I sure hope not-" "-That's what I'm already fucking doing. " Dave eats a bowl of instant one minute rice and John eats yesterday's spring rolls. They feed each other. "He means we're going outside in a bit to do shit and if you're gonna come." "I am," Karkat wolfs down his food. "Do I have to bring a lot of money? I didn't bring a lot today and I'm kinda going broke already." "Nah you're getting the Strider Scholarship which John likes to get full rides on all the time."  John blushes and nudges Dave with his head on Dave's shoulder, "You offer." "I never said it was a bad thing." "You implied." "You assumed." "Shh," John puts a finger up to his lips. Dave stuffs John's mouth with rice, "ผมรักเธอ" John's eyes light up, "You memorized how to say it?" "어" "What does that mean again?" "Yeah."

                   Karkat watches them, unusually calm. "Baby, 사랑해" Dave blushes as he says this. John cocks his head a bit, "What's that mean?" "You forgot already?" John looks away to think, then looks back at Dave after a while with a shy grin on his lips, "항상." "영원히," Dave replies quickly. John blushes and stuffs his mouth with spring roll. Karkat stands, "If I'm going to be around can you speak in a language I actually understand?" He leaves to the kitchen and washes his plates. "Oh Karkat, I forgot you were here," John says in an apologetic tone, "Sorry." Dave softly punches John's arm, "He's kidding." All they heard was a door close. Dave and John look at each other and jump up and off the couch at the same time. Just as John's going to chase after Karkat, Dave puts a hand on John's chest to stop him, "I'll go. You stay." "Why?" "Cause it was something you said." John hesitates, "...Ok. Sounds fair," John still sounds disappointed. He sits back on the couch, arms wrapped around his legs, feeling down.

                   Dave leaves out the door, finding Karkat just about to go downstairs. He grabs Karkat's arm and pulls him back, "떠나지 마." Karkat turns back around and struggles to pull his arm away in one swift movement. "I already said don't speak in a-" "Don't leave. It means don't leave." Karkat stares at him. Stares at his shades. For longer than necessary. Brows scrunched up in confusion. "돌아와. Come back." Dave's grip softens and Karkat pulls away. "Why? John doesn't want me there." "He can be a forgetful asshole sometimes. So what?" "You didn't start talking to him for more than a few puny seconds and he forgot about me faster than social issues in America," He growls.

                 "He worries a lot about you. It hurts him. I see it," Dave flicks Karkat's forehead, "And I know you like him." Karkat blinks and suddenly blushes, "What? N-no!!" He steps back. Dave smirks, "It's alright if you do, but he's with me and we're gonna get married and have a family and-" Karkat grits his teeth and glares. Dave coughs, "I mean, It's obviously hurting your relationship. Mainly, It hurts you-" "You think I don't know that?!" Karkat bursts with anger. He shoves Dave back, "You think I'm not hurting every fucking day because of that naive loser that ticks me off and fucks me up at every corner, driving me wild without even trying?? You think I don't try to move on especially after seeing he's found himself his soulmate?" His initially furious voice weakens into pain. He looks at the floor, "I tried so hard to make myself a reputable man for him and now I can't stop thinking about him just like he won't shut up about you when you're gone."

                  "He loves you. It's not romantic, but hell it means a whole fuck ton," Dave grins softly at Karkat. "It's true," John admits as he closes the apartment door behind him. "You're my friend Karkat. You mean a lot to me." Karkat's eyes widen at the sight of John, "W-when did you get here?" "I may have only gotten here when Dave said that I love you, but I can tell that you don't feel loved enough by me. But I do love you Karkat!" He hugs Karkat. Karkat tenses up. "I'm sorry for earlier," John confesses and hugs tighter, "You really do mean the world to me." Karkat blushes darkly and nuzzles into John's shoulder. Dave smiles from afar. "Me too," He grumbles to John. 

                  Karkat's pocket vibrates. "This is the wrong time to turn on your vibrating dildo," Dave points out. Karkat and John part. Karkat takes out his phone, "Shut up." He stares at it for a while before looking up, "Sollux wants to hang out with me." Dave comes close and wraps an arm around John's shoulder, "Let's make it a double date." 

                  "I'd never go on a date with Sollux," Karkat begins to type. John cocks his head to the side, "Why? You two look cute together." Karkat stops typing, "Double date it is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 사랑해 = i love you  
> ผมรักเธอ = i love you  
> 항상 = always  
> 영원히 = forever


	15. Sollux's sweater.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pour up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in johns bubble butt

              Nothing drove John's heart into a washing machine like a double date. It was the day after Karkat agreed to hang out with the bee movie, the gay and the gayer. Dave's wearing sweatpants and a white shirt, "I'm ready." He mumbles into the pillow in bed. John's dressed in jeans and an ugly dress shirt, poking him, "You're going out dressed like that?" Dave looks up and checks John out, "I could say the same about your ben 10 grandpa shirt." "Touché," John climbs on top of Dave, "I'll change my shirt if you get up." "Sounds like a deal I can't pass out on," Dave admits monotonously. John grins. "But I will pass out on it," Dave finishes. John frowns but quickly grins again, "Rude." "Wake me up with a good sucking," Dave chuckles at his own stupid joke.  John gets off Dave, "You've been up for over an hour! Dave! Stop playing games. Get ready," John raises his voice, annoyed. "Nah." "Then I'll have a threesome with Sollux and Karkat." "You wouldn't." John only smirks at Dave and hops off the bed, grabs his keys and jiggles them around. Dave listens to the sound of keys and the door closing. Oh shit.

                He rips off his shirt and rolls out of his pants into new ones. He grabs his wallet and keys as he puts his shades on while putting on his shoes. Doing anything he possibly could at same time like a porn star taking in and giving out while using both hands to tickle an asshole and a nipple. Their lovely gay abode filled with the usual gay flag, being completely dismembered as Dave threw his body around trying to get ready in a matter of seconds. He's reaching for the door knob before stoping and running to the bathroom to use cologne and deodorant, "I gotta smell good to swoon the hot geek." He mumbles, looking himself in the mirror and clicking his tongue before running for the door once more, turning the knob and falling on top of John who had been waiting at the door the whole time. 

               "Oof!" John hits the floor hard. Dave has the brain to put his hand behind John's head before he hit the floor. "John what the fuck?" John starts giggling. "I knew you'd try to get ready in a hurry." "Fuck you." "When we come home." Dave smirks and shakes his head, standing up and helping John up. John dusts his shirt off, but Dave stops him and pulls his shirt off before John can do anything about it, "W-wait wha-" John hugs his naked chest, "We're not home!" He blushing darkly, looking around to see if there were any bears hunting down geeks. Dave opens the door to home and throws the shirt into their home before closing it again. John stares at Dave in confusion, unable to say anything, but be embarrassed. Dave takes off his hoodie and puts it on John. "Dave, our home is right fucking there. I can just change." "What home?" "I don't need to wear your hoodie." "Yeah you do. We're not home and you're practically naked." "Our door is right behind you." "No it's not." "Do you just want me to wear your hoodie?" "You look cute in it and no it's just a coincidence." "Dave." "John." "You're really gay." "I know I love it." "I love you." "I love you John." 

          "Oh my god, don't tell me you guys are going to be this disgusting at our double date," Karkat appears out of nowhere like a fucking rattata. Dave smirks. John blushes and turns around, "Nope! We'll be normal!" Karkat glares at Dave. Dave turns his head to the side, "I'll keep it innocent." Karkat turns to the stairs, "Sollux is downstairs and he doesn't want to wait for your crummy asses." He starts storming down the stairs. Dave takes John's hand and John grips it tightly as they walk to their 100% homosexual date. 

         

* * *

                 "Karkat, you can't eat that much," Sollux shames him while they sit in their booth. DaveJohn sitting across from them, making small jokes about the food and giggling to themselves and just being a lovely couple in general and holding hands under the table and trying their best not to share small kisses and fucking dick on a toaster strudel are they fucking beautiful. Meanwhile, Karkat is persisting on getting the 2 pound steak with smashed potatoes, side of vegetables the size of Sollux's balls, smoothie with added protein powder and a cup of fruits as dessert. "Fucking watch me." "No I won't becauthe I'm not letting you order it." "You're not my dad-waitress! I'm ready to order my monstrosity of a meal!" "You weigh 50 poundth, you can't take one bite out of that thteak." " I weigh 110 pounds. Yes I can." He grumbles as the waitress comes over. Sollux looks away, slightly annoyed, but mostly bored. 

                 "What do you want sugar?" The waitress asks. Karkat opens his loud mouth to order his titan sized meal. "And you?" The waitress looks to Sollux who just shakes his head, "Just a glath of water." Karkat's brows suddenly rise and disappear into his bangs, "What do you mean you're not gonna eat?" "I never thaid I wathn't." "So you're just going to eat the fucking air?" "Sure KK." DaveJohn ordered for each other. It was cringy honestly. How they knew how each other liked their drinks and with what depending on the other's mood. John rests his head on Dave's shoulder and Dave feels a shiver run up his spine. He loves John. 

                  Karkat looks away. Sollux notices. "Thoooo, Karkat, what made you thuddenly want to get off your ath for once?" Karkat turns to him and crosses his arms, "Well it's about time. I'm always underestimated and if I could just show some muscle maybe people will finally back off and know their place."

         "What people?" "You know,  _people_." "There'th a lot of people in thith world dude. That ithn't thpethific (specific)." "That's because I'm talking about everyone. Just-okay, answer this, do you think I can carry you if I tried?" Dave laughs. Sollux smirks, "Hell no." "See!" Karkat exclaims, "I want to hear you say-Hell  _yes_."

          John isn't paying attention to the conversation. He's looking out the window, still leaned on Dave's shoulder. Dave strokes John's thumb. Dave leans in and whispers. John shakes his head. Dave whispers once more. John covers his face with his hoodie. Sollux pulls himself away from watching DaveJohn and takes Karkat's hand, "Arm wrethle. Leth go." "After the meal, I have to gain muscle." "You're not gonna gain muthle after one meal dude." "Fucking watch me." "Think about it thith way. Uth arm wrethling ith a checkpoint to look back on. Then in a few dayth we can arm wrethle and thee how far you've come." Karkat thinks about it, "Hmm....fine. I'll take you on." He stands moves to the other side of the table, shoving Dave to the side before holding Sollux's hand again. DaveJohn were too busy being gay to care. Alright no, they did care, but one look at each other and they got lost in each others eyes. Someone pull them away before they fuck savagely in public. 

            "One. Two. Three--" Karkat's hand slammed onto the tabletop as if it was made of paper. "N-no I wasn't ready!" Karkat takes Sollux's hand again. "Fine, One...two...three!" Karkat's hand falls more easily onto the table this time, but softer as if Sollux was taking into account how weak Karkat's arm is. "Let me count!" "Last time." "One...two...three!" Karkat's loses. "U-uh n-no I'm not stopping. If you think I'm giving up right here then you don't fucking know me and exuberant persistence to sparkle like an Olympics star. Now get your fucking stick limb on here and limb struggle with me." "Last one. For real." "Fine." They start and Karkat's hand comes down with a crash as the nacho appetizers spill everywhere. 

            "Karkaaaaat!" John groans, "What are you guys doing?" Sollux laughs his ass off, "Wow, Karkat. You just couldn't accept that you lost could you?" "Shut your dog snouted excuse of a face up and stick a bong up it," Karkat stands up and starts picking up nacho pieces. Dave looks to Sollux, "Aren't you gonna help him? This was also your fault." "Nah." Dave shrugs. John pokes Dave, "I wanna help pick it up. Move please." "It's not your job." "So?" Sollux speaks up, "I'll do it. Thorry, I didn't mean to make you do it." He gets off the seat. "I don't need your help," Karkat grumbles. Sollux and him argue under their breaths as they clean up.

              Dave nudges the salsa closer to the edge. John watches silently and right as the salsa tips over, John pokes Dave and they meet eyes. Reading each other. Dave nods and John pushes it over so it falls directly on Karkat's soft tuff of curly dark brown hair. "Holy shit," Sollux quickly pulls the salsa cup off Karkat. "Are." "You." "Fucking." "KIDDING. " "ME." Karkat stands and turns to Dave with a murderous look. Dave shrugs casually, "You kept nudging against the table, not my fault." John nods, "I was there. He didn't do it. You should...go clean up with Sollux in the restroom." Karkat bites his tongue and turns away without a word. He storms off to the restroom and Sollux looks back at DaveJohn suspiciously before following Karkat.

               "Was that a shit way to get them alone together?" Dave asks. John shrugs just as their drinks arrive, "We tried." "Too bad it's not as easy for others to find your special dork who's into shitty movies," Dave leans in and pecks John's lips. "I did. My boyfriend has a terrible taste in movies." "You loved Sausage Party." "I mean other movies." "Just admit I have an amazing taste in everything." "Nah." "What about amazing tastes in boyfriends?" John smirks and nods, "Yes." 

             "Just go a bit lower! The water ithn't even touching you!" Sollux tries to shove Karkat's dirty head under the faucet. "You're being too damn aggressive. It hurts!" "We have to get it wet." "Be gentler," Karkat moves away from him. Sollux sighs, "What a wimp." "Fuck you. Do you want to fucking fight?" Karkat brings up his fists. Sollux rolls his eyes and grabs toilet paper from a stall. He wets it and Karkat watches angrily. "What are you gonna do with that? Throw it at the ceiling?" "I'm not in 7th grade, I'm going to wash you," Sollux cleans Karkat's hair patiently. Eventually Karkat settles down and closes his eyes, almost falling asleep. 

             "All done." Sollux inspects the wet hair. Karkat is trembling, but he doesn't seem to notice. "Already?" "I was standing here for almost ten minutes." "Oh. It felt less." Sollux starts taking off his hoodie from his gaming production company. Karkat eyes him quizzically, "What are-" "You're shaking." "Ooh. Well, don't give me your hoodie. It smells like you. I don't want to smell like honey and gaming consoles." "Oh nooo...honey...who would ever want to smell like a xbox one smothered in  _honey._ The horror. Fine, chicken out," Sollux teases, pulling it back down. "What? Chicken out," Karkat looks partly panicked, "No I'm not chickening out. Give me your damn hoodie." "Romantic." Sollux takes it off and hands it to Karkat who puts in on proudly. He's obviously enjoying how the sweater feels. The sleeves reach past the tips of his fingers and the bottom hem reaches to halfway his thighs. 

              "Auuuugh. They're taking so long." John groans, "I want their fries. I didn't know steak came with  _fries._ " Dave scoops up a handful and drops it on John's plate. John grins at Dave, "My hero." They kiss lovingly, barely able to pull away after starting the kiss. 

               "Gross," Karkat sits down, Sollux following after. John looks from Sollux to Karkat a few times, "Did you--" "No, we didn't." Sollux blushes lightly." After a few bites of steak, Karkat comes to realization that he can't eat more than the size of his hand. Sollux, as if he'd planned this, asks if Karkat could share and Karkat, casually goes "As long as you don't hog it up. I knew you would be enticed since you didn't order anything." Sollux suppresses a knowing grin, "Of course." They share Karkat's plate and finish most of it. When dinner's over, after dropping DaveJohn off (who fuck like ten times after coming home), Karkat falls asleep in Sollux's car. Sollux's looks over with his eyes, as if he would find Karkat's keys with x-ray vision, basically not even trying to get Karkat to his home instead drives to his own home, letting Karkat sleep on the bed while he slept on the couch. 

                Even by morning, Karkat doesn't take off the hoodie. Sollux doesn't point it out. Karkat thinks he's being sneaky, but really Sollux doesn't care. He doesn't ever really get that sweater back. Now, it was all Karkat ever wore. Sollux's sweater.  
 


	16. did i post this yet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gay butt sex

             Dave's hand slides up John's bare chest. John giggles and Dave grins, asking, "What?" "It's ticklish." Dave shakes his head, suppressing a dorky smile. He leans in and kisses him once more. John melts into it, face becoming serious once more, pulling Dave closer by the ass. "Eager?" Dave whispers into his mouth. "Horny as hell," John whispers, backing up into the bed before being pushed into it by Dave. Dave sucks in a breath of amazement as John pulls down his pants to reveal black lace panties. "Where the fuck did those come from?" Dave smirks, pulling off John's pants and pulls and lets go of the hem of the panties. 

           "Well...I heard somewhere that a certain Strider liked panties," John wiggles his brows and giggles, "Sounds like I'm not wrong." "No you are not..." Dave rubs John's cock over the panties. John moans, lifting his hips off the bed. Dave moves his body closer to rub against John's entrance with his cock before John suddenly stops Dave, "I want something-before you continue." "What else would you want besides my cock?" John playfully punches Dave, "Oh Shut up. Let me top tonight." "Yeah alright," Dave leans in to lay down. John freezes, "Wait really?" Dave stares at him, "I don't see a problem." "I-I just, I thought people stayed in their roles for sex or...uh," He fumbles with trying to find a comfortable position in front of Dave's legs. 

           Dave places a hand over his face, chuckling, "You're talking about roles while wearing panties meant to fulfill women gender roles." Dave sits up, holding John's hands, "It's us making love, we can do whatever we want." John blushes, "I didn't know you could be so romantic Dave." "Oh shut up." "I mean it." "사랑해" (I love you) "ผมรักคุณ," (I love you) John responds, "Dave, Can I ask you something?" "I thought we were gonna fuck, the audience is waiting for it."

"Yeah, but this is some important character development for you."

"I'd rather fuck than talk about feelings."

"I bet the readers want to see some vulnerable Dave that's every fanfic with you in it."

"You're about to fuck me in the ass how can I get any more vulnerable?" "You know what I mean." 

"Look who cares what the readers want." "I want your character development." 

"We talk more than we fuck that's a problem." "I think it's the other way around."

"This is getting out of hand, I can see the reader clicking away now."

"Then we can weed them out. See who'll stay long enough to see us fuck." 

"How are we ever gonna fuck when the writer is listening to some hardcore Agust D mixtape?" 

"I'll wait." John glares at the writer to change the choice of music. This is getting out of hand. The characters shouldn't be bossing me around. I'm the faggot in control here. There, I changed the music of choice. And because I wanted to. Not because John glared at me. Definitely not.

             Dave pulls John in, "So am I gonna get fucked or not?" John smiles softly and kisses him. He pulls down Dave's boxers, his own panties and rubs against him as they roughly bite and kiss each others lips, groaning endlessly. Their sex is per usual. Things break, fall over, the bed breaks because they fuck like rabbits, the lube is spilled, they change rooms, slam into walls, scream and still no one comes over to tell them to shut the fuck up. Seriously does anyone live in that floor? "D-Dave you feel so g-good. Is this how it's like when you're in me?" "I-I don't care. Just fuck me," Dave whispers in John's ear, biting his earlobe. John fucks Dave into oblivion. "Y-you know," John mutters through a heavy breath, "I've never fucked anyone before. You're my first." Dave blushes, keeping his face past John's shoulders, smiling. "I know dude." "Does nothing I say ever instill any emotions from you?" John mumbles upset that his confession wasn't taken like he wanted. Dave smirks, "I'm being fucked, I don't have the energy t-to-." He moans, feeling another strong thrust. John nods. 

             I think they fucked for hours, it's almost morning and the writer is dramatically looking out at the 2am sky. The gays are asleep, cuddling no shit. Waking up around 5pm and lazying around in bed, kissing each other, whispering I love yous in any language but English. Eventually, both clothed in sweatpants and a couples sweater they got a while back, each saying "My faggot" with an arrow pointing at each other, they walked the park at night, holding hands and enjoying their last night without work together. 

            John points a bench to sit down and Dave joins him. John rests his head on Dave's shoulder, "Is your butt okay?" He whispers. "Feels fine." "Wow, with my first time with you it didn't stop hurting for a good while." "I'm rougher." "...I have to tell you something?" "Is that a question." "N-no." 

            Dave looks at John and squeezes his hand. John hates that when they're outside Dave's wearing his shades again. John looks out at the lake, "I quit my job." "Do you expect me to pay for everything?" "No. Course not. I get payed for my stand up. I want to focus on that." "Alright." John blinks, "I thought you would take this harder." "The only thing I'll take harder is-" "Please don't finish that sentence." "Okay." "Good." "YOUR DICK." John walks off. "No! John! I'm kidding! Baby come back~!" John eventually does, cuddling back against him. "I'm serious. You don't mind that you're basically doing everything for me? I feel pretty guilty." "If it's for you," Dave shrugs, "Then I don't mind." "Thank you, I mean it. Because of you I can...follow my dream." John blushes, looking down at his hands. Dave stares at him. "John?" "Yes?" "Are you okay?" "Yeah why?"

           "I hope I don't sound like I'm making acorns out of assholes-" "-That's not the metaphor-" "-, but you seem kinda...," Dave looks away, trying to think. "Like...you freak out insanely some times. So hard it worries me. Like right before your performances. Or you'll lock the door when you're home and I won't hear anything except weird breathing like if you've got a shit that won't get out. Or when we're going to meet someone you ask repeated questions about things that don't matter like "Do you remember if out flag isn't crooked?" "Can you check my shirt for strings for the 15th time?" "Are you sure you did this or did that before leaving." but about dumb things and over and over. I'm not saying you're annoying. I just feel like you avoid some topics cause they make you nervous or something. We don't watch scary movies because of your last panic attack. I feel like I'm missing something here. Or are you just a little worry wart bunny?" He nuzzles John's nose.

            John blushes and hides in his chest, "I am a worry wart bunny." "You sure? You're not hiding something?" John shakes his head. "I'm really happy with you Dave." Dave frowns and pulls out a bottle of pills from his sweater and shakes it. John looks up, terrorized. "You're my other half right? You gotta tell me about yourself my love," Dave hands the bottle to John. "Dave, going through my medicine is rude," John sits upright. "I was looking for cough drops and found it," Dave shrugs. "Still, I don't force you to talk about something you don't feel open about." Dave looks offended, "What? Dude, t-that's not what this is about." John stands up, "Then?" "I just want us to be open about each other." "Well, my anxiety is under control so I don't need to tell you about it." Dave doesn't say anything. He looks down at the icy grass. John awkwardly stands there, "Let's go home." "I'll stay here." "Are you mad?" "No, I just wanna chill outside." John hesitantly walks back home. Dave stays on the bench. He frowns at the grass blades. He rubs his face, "What the fuuuuuck. I'm his  _boyfriend_." He sighs, cracking his knuckles. "Still don't see what I did wrong. I hope he's not burdening his anxiety and acting like it's a walk in the park." Dave walks around and picks up some warm food on the way back home. 

                   The lights are off. Dave's singing in a low voice in korean, "아직까지 깨어있니? 오늘 너의 하루는 어땠니? 아무 일도 없긴 뭐가 없어 가끔은 외면하려 해도꽤 쉽지만은 않은 게 있어 I know 다 안다고 내 앞에서 아닌 척 해도" (Are you still awake How was your day today? Nothing happened? What do you mean? Sometimes I look away. But it isn’t easy. I know I know everything. In front of me, you pretend to not.)

                Dave sees light pouring out of the bedroom door. He sneaks in and sees John cuddled up in bed, watching something on his laptop. Dave sneaks into bed. "Are you done being mad?" John turns to him. "I was never mad dude," Dave avoids getting too close. John shrugs. Dave gets out of bed. "W-where are you going?" John suddenly asks. "I think you're the one who won't admit you're mad that I wanted to know something about my boyfriend," Dave confesses and heads for the door. "That's not true!" John exclaims. Dave stops. John breaths heavily, "You're the one who gets all the chicks and boys and stuff. You have this blossoming career and a hot body and a face that can take you anywhere. And then there's me. Some ugly loser waiter who clings to his hotter boyfriend with a failing caree-" "Stop saying that." "But it's true. I mean.  _Look at yourself._ You're amazing. You're sane. You're funny. I love you. But-you got me-" "And that's all I need." Dave's already in bed, moving the laptop away and kissing a surprised John. "You're the hottest guy I've dated and the only one I've ever fucked." "W-what?" John is blushing darkly, "I thought you weren't a virgin?" "I was before you." John blinks, unable to process this. Dave continues to admit more, "You're my first real relationship that isn't some bullshit where Suzy stole my juice box so I broke up with her." John giggles, "What?" "I like boys like you John. Down to earth dorks who deserve the whole world. I love you." John's face flushes the color of Dave's eyes. "T-that's your first I love you in English." He can't meet Dave's eyes. "Look at me." John does. "나만 바라봐 Look only at me." John's eyes fill with love. "나만 바라봐" He repeats after Dave. They slowly lean in and passionately kiss. That slowly turns into sweet love making in bed that turns into soft cuddling and movie watching and whispers of "I love you" in English. Their hearts never stop beating fast. It hurts to be so excited and in love all the time, for others that is. DaveJohn basked in the feeling. Far too comfortable with each other to feel any pressure.

Farting contests? Hell Yeah. Embarrassing confessions? Hell Yeah.

Loving each other?

Forever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i stayed up till 3am writing this yall be thankful


	17. i just want to put my hands on you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dave just wants to put his hands on john

                   "Dave, you're going to be late like always," John turns on his side to wake Dave who's half asleep. "Your alarm has rung five times. I'm tired of it," John takes the phone and shuts off all the future alarms and shakes Dave. He groans in response, "I'm never late." "You only have five minutes to get ready," John turns away, taking all the blanket. Dave curls up in a ball, "Boo hoo." John turns back to Dave, all wrapped up like a burrito. Dave opens his eyes, cloudy red staring at John sleepily. Dave blushes. John's hair is all tousled and his face resembles a hieroglyphics wall with all the marks he got from sleeping on his face in odd ways. He was also pissed so he was biting his bottom lip with his buckteeth.

                   "You know what you look like?" "What?" John asks curiously. "You know America's Top Model?" "Yeah?" "Nothing like that." John can't help but grin even though it was meant as insult. "You smiled," Dave kisses him. John forces himself to look mad, "Go to work." "It's just pre-production, I bet they wouldn't care if I came in a winnie the pooh onesie," Dave's hands naturally glide over John's naked thigh. John shivers, "N-No." He pushes the hand away. "Morning wood baby," Dave climbs on top of John. "Your reward will be a good fuck when you come back from work," John slides downwards to escape. Dave rolls off the bed, slamming against the floor. "Fine pussy fart. I didn't need your lovin anyway." Dave stands and lazily makes his way to get ready.

                  John returns to his previous position and quickly falls asleep. Soft dark skin glowing. Gentle black tousled hair. Pretty almond shaped eyes. Dave could masturbate to that. 

                 "I can't feel my dick when I'm with you," Dave sings as he pisses. "But I love it, But I love it." He walks around the house singing and getting ready, "You used to call me on my-" He kicks over a chair, "Chairphone." Finally he leaves to his meeting. John left alone to sleep till noon.

               John finds a text from Dave in the morning.

               Dave: "hey baby send me nuuuudes"

               John: "why do you sound like a fuckboy?"

              Dave, though talking with close friends about the script, texts back.

              Dave: "because im ready to fuck you boy"

              John facepalms, "look in the mirror and ask yourself why you're like this"

              Dave: "here pussy pussy : * "

              John: "oh my god" 

             Dave stops texting, suddenly slamming his fist on the table they were sitting. Suddenly the red head slams her fist down too, "Yeah!-Wait why are we slamming the table?" "Isn't it obvious TZ, I'm hyping up this production." Terezi cackles, "You're not even going to be part of production." "I'm hyping you up. When I get in the editing room I better see some The Room level masterpiece. I want to make something that'll make Tommy fucking Wiseau cry. Make Steven Spielberg cum in his jeans-" "Dave, this movie is about social issues." "-M Night shyamalan will beg to co-direct-" Terezi giggles, "You like those people? I mean besides Spielberg." "Irony." "Of course."

           Someone comes in with a tray of coffee and sighs, "This is why you guys shouldn't work together." "Why's that?" Terezi cocks her head to the side. "You'll never get anything done." Terezi smirks, "Yes we do. Look at this storyboard I started-" "No, Terezi don't show him." "Why not?" "Because it's shitty." "That's rude." "Seriously your art sucks." "And you can do better?"

              "Barely, but don't show him your nausea inducing nipple twisting poison you call art," Dave leans back in his chair, relaxed and cool. "My art  _does not_ twist nipples. My art  _pulls_ on them." "Shit, I mean sure. Whatever floats your pussy TZ. But just keep it to yourself." Terezi turns to his assistant, "We actually already finished everything except budgeting blah blah blah. Tom and Dean have other shit to do so they're gone." "So you're just going to sit here and talk about genitalia and insult each other?" The assistant asks. "Basically," Dave shrugs. "Yup," TZ nods. 

              The assistant sighs out of the room like the disappointed parent of every SJW. Terezi suddenly slams on the table with her fist, "Hell yeah!" Dave follows suit. "HYPE HYPE HYPE." Why are they like this? They chant "HYPE HYPE HYPE" until it slowly turns into "TEREZI TEREZI TEREZI." A little inside joke they both shared. Every time they chant no matter where or what they change it to Terezi. Terezi slams down the budge planning paper and they painfully push themselves to do  _math_.

            These last few paragraphs have been too straight. 

            Dave came home with folders in his mouth, a bag with Korean food in one hand and keys in the other. He puts it all down and walks around, "John?" He can't seem to find him. "John?" The closet door in the bedroom suddenly opens and Dave shrieks like a five year old. "Why were you in the closet?" "I ask my past self the same thing." Dave remained expressionless. "How long did you wait to tell that joke?" "All day." Dave pushes John back into the closet. "Dave! No-" The door closed. John feels Dave's breath against his lips. "Dave?" Dave gently kisses him, "I should be patient...but I can hardly wait." John melts into the kiss, "If you like this...its yours." Dave runs his hand over John's nicely rounded Thai ass. John blushes. He's still not used this kind of stuff. "Do what you want..it's yours," John whispers, blushing more darkly as Dave teases John's neck with little bites. Dave pulls away, opening the closet door. It was too damn fucking stuffy. Dave pulls John out of the closet and leads him backwards into bed. John climbs onto Dave's lap. "I've been waiting to put my hands on you all day,"Dave whispers. John wraps his arms around him, "Me too. I love you." Dave blushes furiously, "사랑해." "Noooo, I want to hear it in English," John mumbles. "Why does it matter?" Dave looks up at him. "I feel like you're avoiding telling me that you love me when you don't say it in English." "But you know what I'm saying." "That's not the point Dave." John stares at him and pulls off Dave's shades. Dave allows it.

            "Do you love me?" "That's a stupid question. A goldfish can answer that." "But can you?" "Ooooh shit dawg. You're so deep, fuck, stop yourself right now and write the next Fault in our Gays right now." John giggles, and nuzzles him, "Do you love me?" "Fuck yeah. I love you to the moon and back. Why are you doubting me?" "I'm not anymore." "Do you sometimes doubt me?" John remains quite for a bit.

              "Sorry, my anxiety makes me doubt it sometimes...but I know you do!" John smiles bright for Dave. Dave falls in love with him all over again. John is so beautiful he wants to cry. I want to cry. John is so cute. Dave kisses him. John hugs him tighter. 

              "I brought food," Dave spoils John's neck with small kisses. John blushes once more. He's so damn prone to Dave's affection tonight. "Fuck yeah. I love food. Almost as much as you. Who knows, I might love it more some day," John jokes. Dave lays down and rolls around bed with John, "That'll happen when America gets its shit together." John spreads his limbs out to stop the rolling. Dave rolls over John's body anyway. "Let's eat," John sits up. Dave looks at him. They stare at each other then lean in for a passionate kiss. They're all over each other for five minutes before John warns Dave that they're going to starve to death if they keep staring at each other like they want to fuck each other. 

             Finally they chill on the sofa, eating and watching The Office. John talks about how he went job hunting and accidentally landed himself a comedy gig near a pet store. Dave listens because he genuinely wants to hear about John's day. Dave explains his meeting and John listens because he finds anything Dave says intriguing. Many times they have to rewind The Office because they were just staring at each other instead of watching. There could be a fire and they would just stare at each other and die in it.

            After their food went down, John steals the controller and changes the tv to play music. Dave raises a brow. John stands and extends a hand to Dave. The music is upbeat yet slow and gentle. Dave hesitantly takes it and John leads him to the emptier space of the living room. John starts dancing. Dave freezes. "You may not believe this, but as awesome as I am, I can't dance." "Yes you can," John holds his hands and tries to make him move. Dave does it, "Only cause it's you alright?" "You looks like a baby deer who's learning how to stand." Dave chuckles, "Shut the fuck up." "Make me." Dave looks at John's lips. John nods. They kiss. Dave steps back to change the song into something much more softer...something...romantic. 

                Romance was easy. Dave wraps his arms around John's waist and sways with him. He stares at John lovingly. John is lost in Dave's crimson eyes. They stop swaying. Forgetting they're standing to dance. You could put a frame in front of them and call it art. John slowly rests his head on Dave's chest and snuggles into his neck. They continue swaying. 

               "It's midnight," John whispers, hugging Dave tighter. Dave lifts John's chin up to look at him, "Why are you shaking?" John had been trembling ever since they started slow dancing. "Too cold for ya?" Dave tickles him. "aHAHAHA DavE NO," John giggles, trying to push him away. "Fuck off-haahahah" John couldn't stop Dave. Dave was too strong. All those pinky curl ups must of paid off. All those jerk offs and fingering sessions must of made his arms Nokia phone level strong.

               Dave had led John to bed. Pulled him into his arms. Covered them in ten layers of fluff blankets. Whispered endlessly how much he loved him. John groans, but grins. Dave doesn't stop spoiling John with love until John finally stops shaking. Until John's heartbeats calmed down. Until John stops hurting. "John." "Yeah dork?" "I want to marry you one day." "Dave!! It's only been like...a year or something...the writer forgot how long we've been dating for." "Ha...yeah sorry." "But I want to marry you too." "Yeah?" Dave wiggles his brows. John can't look at Dave, Dave was making the most ridiculous faces, running his tongue between two v shaped fingers. "Ay bb. Here pussy pussy. ayo GG." "Babe oh my god," He laughs and covers his face, "I can't with you." "Marry me bb." Dave bites his bottom lip in the most ironically ugly way he could muster. "Dave stop!" John laughs.

               "John are you wearing my boxers?" Dave finally notices the alien boxers on John's smaller body. "Maybe." "You look good, but that shit definitely fits like a finger in the Grand Canyon. It's so big on you, you can squeeze in another Egbert and make it Johncest. It's so big, I'm surprised Google Maps hasn't noticed." "I get it," John mumbles, sleepy. Dave grins softly, pulling John closer. They remain quite. John falls asleep first, mumbling, "You're the love of my life. I want to spend eternity with you." Dave almost vomits out the powerpuff girls with how cute that sounded coming from John's soft plump pink lips in a sleepy and rough voice. Dave remains awake. It's 3am and he's still in bed, too afraid to move because John was cuddled against him. He almost laughs at how late he's up. Dave rubs his face, "I'm too damn happy. Fuck, I can't even sleep, Your fault Egbert." He says to his sleeping boyfriend. "Future Mr. Egbert Strider." 

              In the morning, Dave doesn't need John to wake him. He's left a little rap about how lame John is. John adores it. 

             Dave can't breath. When he thinks about John, his chest tightens and he wants to cry. He loves him so much it's starting to hurt. It hurts more everyday. He does all in his power to make his job done and over with as fast as he can so he can spend some time with John every day. If he doesn't it kills him. On those days, Terezi knows to give Dave a break to talk to John on the phone. 

             "When are you coming home?" -John

             "After 4pm, it's a miracle. You?"   
             "Same time!" - John

             "Hah. Loser."  _I love you._

"Hehe." 

             "Can't wait to see your orc looking ugly face when I get home."  _you're so beautiful it makes me want to cry_

"Yeah okay,  _Gollum._ "

             "You're such a piece of shit."  _i've never fallen in love before. You mean the world to me._

"But I'm a lovely piece of shit right?"

             "The type that comes out of Caliborn."  _of course you're a lovely piece of shit._

"Ruuuude." 

             "I'm starting to think the wind keeps me better company when I play Rocket League."  _There's no one else I want but your dork ass._

 "My dildos keep my ass better company than your dick."

              Dave laughs at that one, "I love you."   _I love you_

          "I love you! Now get back to work you film nerd." _I love you_

Dave hung up. Terezi checks on Dave. "Are you okay?" 

             "Yehet. Why?"

             "You're crying." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont want to do my homework so here i am

                John fumbles in the dressing room in the Late Night Comedy Club with his dress shirt. His crazy black hair ruffled in a mess Dave would love to run his hands through. His eyes were darting around at sonic maurice hedgehog speed and his hands patted his clothes, "Shit, where are my notes?" John rummages through every corner of the room, getting on his knees under the mirror cabinet shit. His nice ass poking out, perfect target for some spanking. Which is what John suddenly felt on his ass before turning and kicking the crotch of whoever had just layed a dirty hand on his precious ass. The culprit, young, handsome, and blonde, collapses. David had slay Goliath and Goliath was David's really gay boyfriend.

                "Oh my god. _Dave_!!!" John freaks out, his hands fidgeting with Dave's clothes, not knowing what to do. Dave was shaking his head slowly, holding his crotch tight, "I-It's..al...alright." John can't think of anything, but of massaging Dave's crotch. "I'm sorry baby," John holds Dave's cheek, "But you can't just spank my ass when I don't know who it is." "I called your name a few times," Dave removes John's hand, "And you're going to give me a boner if you do that." John nods and kisses him, "I'm sorry I didn't hear you." Dave pulls John closer, "You're nervous huh." He adjusts John's incorrectly buttoned shirt. John bites his bottom lip, "Nah." "That's my brave comedian," Dave kisses him passionately. John moans softly, leaning in closer. Then they part. 

                Dave helps John get up. John asks, "You're here..about that, I thought you'd be busier. With going to work and stuff." "I'm a writer, I'm just going back to my roots in pre-production." "So you won't be doing the actual filming?" "Nah." John sighs in relief, "So we spend more time together." John looks away, blushing happily. "Yup," Dave blushes a soft pink. They stand there, awkward, but happy. The door opens. John's up next. Dave kisses him one last time for good luck. John does great. 

              

* * *

                Per tradition, Dave throws a fuck ton of bouquets at John. When it's over and people are clapping. The 3rd bouquet of red roses Dave throws hits John in the face. Everyone laughs hard. Dave face palms, embarrassed with himself.

                When they're going home John asks, "Was it you who hit me in the face?" "No." "Hm...I wonder who did it, John looks out the cab window. Dave looks out the other window, guilty. 

                Once home, Dave wants to cuddle John, hugging him and kissing his neck. "Can I at least brush my teeth?" John mumbles. "Yeah with my tongue." John groans, "You've been so clingy lately." Dave lets go, "Go brush your teeth then, but you can't ask for my loving afterwards." "What?" John watches Dave walk into the bedroom, "W-what does that mean?" Dave crawls into bed to sleep. He sets his alarm for 5am. It was currently almost 2am. When John returns, he sees Dave in what appears to be a deep sleep. He crawls into bed and hugs Dave from behind. Dave moves John's arms away, "Aren't I too clingy?" "Oh my god." John pokes Dave's back, "Baby?" Dave shrugs. John tries to hug Dave, "I'm sorry. I like clingy." "Hey, hold on, do you smell that?" Dave sits up, sniffing the air. John starts sniffing, "What?" Dave farts, "That's how I feel about what you just said." John frowns, "I tried to apologize." "I can always find someone who likes my clingy," Dave lays back down. "No!!!!!" John climbs on top of Dave and kisses him all over, "I like your clingy!!! I was just tired. I swear I like your clingy-no!! I love it!!" Dave blushes, "What's all this fuss windsock?" He kisses John. "Don't worry, there's no one I want but you," Dave pulls him against his chest and lays on his side. John cuddles into his chest, their legs crossing over one another. "Then don't say stuff like that," John complains. "미안해," (I'm sorry) Dave kisses John's head. John looks up. "What?" Dave looks back. John runs his hand up Dave's cheek and Dave lets him, watching. "When am I going to meet your parents?" 

               Dave blinks. He can't tell what expression John is wearing. "It's 2am, we should sleep." "ไม่ใช่" (No.) John mumbles sleepily. It's really cute. John looks down, "I've never met one of your family members." "I have to wake up at 5, 제발 (please) .....my love, let's sleep," Dave closes his eyes. "Answer in the morning," John snuggles once more. Dave nods and holds him closer. Dave's sleep is practically a nap. He wakes up a split second after the alarm goes off and turns it off to avoid waking John up. He pecks John's forehead and slowly pulls away. A hand pulls him back. John sits up like a sloth, cute and way too damn slow. Dave could do his taxes as John sat up. "Good luck today," He pecks Dave's cheek, " I love you." Dave smiles then awkwardly tries to force himself to look serious. "Go to sleep," Dave fixes the blankets on John and pecks his lips, "I love you...I wish I could stay." At the end of that sentence, John was asleep. 

* * *

 

             John. What's he up to now. Playing video games? Done. Calling for gigs? None want him or are too booked. Porn? Nah, waiting till Dave came home to fuck him was better. Looking for a better side job? ... "Maybe tomorrow," John sighs, clicking on the next youtube video. He looks up at the ceiling, not paying attention to the video. The videos autoplay until somehow John starts hearing moans and grunts. He looks down at the video, it had gone into a weird part of youtube. He clicks out, but the sound of moans remind him of that time he fucked Dave. Glorious. "Shit no," John smothers his face with a couch pillow, "Don't think about Dave touching you. Don't. He's at work. Yeah. Working really hard. He's gonna come home..and...totally not touch your gay ass." John can't take it. He leaves outside, using GPS to find a pet store. He definitely didn't have the permission to own a pet from Dave. But fuck Dave's permission. 

            "Why am I getting a pet again..." He enters the adoption center and sees a puppy following its owner, fiercely wagging its tail. John smiles, teeth and all, "That's why." He's introduced to a batch of dogs, ranging in age and breeds. You had your usually horny dog that had to stop every five seconds to try to hump a dog. The energetic fucker who's so excited he runs into walls. The cute puppy who no one thinks is the asshole who steals the others dog's foods. The bigger dogs were outside and when John went out there, he could of sworn the spirit of a scary mom had just knocked his ass backwards onto the floor. A nasty thick breath panted over his face. It was a Golden Retriever, barking and trying to lick John. A voice shouted, "Boomerang! Get back here!" The dog barked and jumped off. Someone came over. "Sorry about that," They help John up, who's still recovering from whatever the fuck just happened.

"Boomerang's his name? That's a stupid name."

"What?"

"That's a cupid name."

"What's that?"

"A cute name." John was so damn influenced by his boyfriends lying instincts. He could tell this person how he'd come back to life after leaving the underworld and sound like it was 100% true. He could twist his own nipples, slap his ass, and do the macarena in front of them and lie that he wasn't and be believed. 

"Are you here to adopt?"

John got a proper look at the person. They were gorgeous. If he didn't draw like a five year old on drugs he could draw her like one of Jack's french girls. 

"Maybe," John shrugs, "My boyfriend might not approve." 

"Oh? Why not?" The person swept back their hair as they removed a stick from one of the dog's mouth.

"I quit my job, so there's less money to raise one," John reveals. He sees the name tag on the person, "Jade."

This person. This Jade. Has jade eyes. A jade colored apron. The little rubber band shits on her fingers. 

"That sucks. But, you're lucky. Because the main thing you need to raise a dog is--love!"

"And money." "And money." Jade nods. John's phone buzzes in his back pocket. He has sudden dildo vibrator flashbacks. 

            He picks up, "Dave?" "Where you at babe?" "Adoption center on Concord and Highland." "Are you gonna adopt a child? Did you get that bored?" 

           John giggles and turns away from Jade, "Maybe. Why don't you come and find out?" "Don't adopt a child until I'm there." "Maybe~" Dave hangs up. 

           When John turns around, Jade's gone. 

* * *

 

            Dave is there. Holding John's hand to let everyone know that John was his boyfriend. His love. His everything. John is leading Dave around the dogs and Dave follows, staring at John lovingly behind his shades. There was only one worker in there and they were on the other side of the room. Dave saw the chance and kissed John, suddenly pulling away, "Dude, you fucking reek." Dave wipes his mouth. "A dog made out with me earlier," John shrugs casually. "Gross," Dave pretends to cough up a hairball. John slaps his back, "Stop oh my god."

             "These dogs are hella. Look at that one." "Dave he's fighting another dog." "I know, I like him." "I want a non violent dog." "That's discrimination." "I don't care," John lets go of his hand. Dave frowns, staring at John's hand before seeing what John was leaning down to pick up. "Look at this one," John carries a Pitbull puppy the size of what everyone thinks is the mayor's size but isn't. The puppy only has three legs and his left eye looks a little different, but his tail wags so hard it could give Dave a black eye just by looking at it.

          "Can we take it for a walk?" John begs. The pitbull was wriggling excitedly, almost falling. John found it hard to control the little guy. "Hell yeah," Dave says softly. They go outside and using one of the leashes from the wall walk the little puppy. He does a little limp walk, but he keeps looking back at Dave and John. "Dude that puppy's so happy he's gonna shit himself," Dave points out. "It acts as if no one ever picks him," John sadly whispers, looking at Dave. "What?" Dave looks at him, confused, then relaxing his face, "You want him don't you?" "He's chill and cute and I bet no one's ever going to choose him," John leans down and the puppy runs up to him and jumps up, smacking it's excited little head against John's chin, "OH MY GOD. BABY." John massages the puppy's head. Dave laughs really hard, "Did he just smack into you? I heard that. It was so loud." John picks up the puppy who tries to reach Dave and lick him. John helps the puppy out. "Alright, let's adopt him," Dave giggles as the puppy licks his face. "Really duckie?" "Yes duckie." God they're so cringy. 

         As it turns out, this puppy was expensive. He still needed some surgery done and he had lots of meds to take everyday. Dave looks to John hesitantly, but damn John really wants this dog. John pleads with his eyes. Doing his usual puppy dog face that he fucking knows will win Dave over. "I don't know John.., I don't make that much and neither do you." John pulls Dave into a secluded hallway, "I'll make a budget plan that'll work. I'll do all the dirty tasks for the puppy! I really want this puppy." Dave stares back without much change in expression. John leans in and kisses him passionately, "I'll let you do whatever you want to my body." Dave snorts, "I can already do that." John blushes, "Shut up, I really want the puppy." Dave shrugs, "Oh what the hell. Let's take it." And they do. And just as Dave said, the puppy did get so excited it shit itself on the way home. 

          The puppy was also actually a female who had no chill. It destroyed about ten panties John had hidden that he was going to use to seduce Dave. Dave was heartbroken by this revelation. His goal to see John in as many dirty panties as possible was slowly falling to pieces. John was sitting on the floor trying to pull white laced panties away from its mouth. Dave stared with nothing, but a arrow in his arrow. The sorrow. The pain. The anguish. Would he ever see John in those panties now? John looks up at Dave, "Don't worry, I know where to buy them again...but it was supposed to be a secret..." Dave shakes his head, "As long as I can see you in them soon, It's fine," Dave lifts up his shades and winks. John finally pulls the panties out. The puppy then starts gnawing at John's fingers. "No take backs," Dave says, cleaning up their place by shoving everything into the closet. 

          John stands and walks over to help. The puppy follows behind. "She's following you." John looks down and then walks over to the kitchen. She follows. "Oh my god that's cute," John picks her up and kisses her all over. "What do we name her?" "xhotsweatyx69" Dave answers. "I'm serious." "Elizabeth 3rd." "Duckie, I'm serious." The puppy jumps onto the couch and watches them talk. "Dude I don't know, names are hard and we haven't puppy proofed the house or done anything we need to. Adulting is fucking boring holy shit." Dave picks John up by the waist suddenly and kisses him lovingly. John melts into the kiss, wrapping his arms around him, "I'll do all the puppy stuff. You focus on your work," John mumbles against his lips. "That's why I love you duckie," Dave pecks his lips. "I love you too, Duckie." They make out until the puppy starts barking for attention. 

          That's when Dave realizes. This dog was going to be the biggest cockblock of his life.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you havent noticed, dave is korean and john is thai, they teach each other small phrases. john has a bit of a thai accent and dave adores it.
> 
> any suggestions for cute dog names im stumped
> 
> i think i might delete this chapter i dont like it


	19. this chapter is bullshit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A serious chapter that I will delete really fucking soon.

A hand slides up John's side. Rough, but delicate fingers take off John's shirt. "M-more," John gasps, blushing darkly, shutting his eyes. Dave is on top of him, biting his neck harshly. He doesn't care that he draws blood. He wants to mark up all of John's body. John hasn't complained. He scratches at Dave's back. "M-more," He begs again. John's hands pull off Dave's shirt. He didn't have a six pack. He wasn't very muscular. But John didn't care. It was Dave's body and he saw it as beautiful. "Beautiful," John whispers and sits up, softly kissing his chest. Dave bites his bottom lip, John's lips on his body turned him on. John's bottom lip drags upwards softly to Dave's nipples, licking and biting. "W-woah, John-" Dave tries to not pull away. John giggles, "Not used to it?" "Yeah it feels fucking weird." "Do I stop?" "Nah, you look hot doing it." John blushes and playfully punches his chest before moving to the other nipple. Dave makes small sounds in the back of his throat. "Okay my turn," Dave says impatiently and pushes John back on the bed and pulls off his pants. They furiously make out. John pulling Dave's pants down, grinding his hips against him. Both hearts beating hard enough to hear. They passionately play with their tongues, almost eating their faces off. Dave's hands move around, unsure of where to stay, where to touch. They rub John's inner thigh, then to John's chest, then run through his hair and tug without mercy. John moans desperately. They pull off their boxer briefs at the same time, John strokes their cocks together. They moan and pant into each others mouths. After a while, Dave moves down and removes John's hand from their cocks. John covers his face with his arm, trusting Dave in whatever he was about to do. He feels fingers pushing into his ass-no, is that...yeah that's...Dave's tongue. He blushes darkly and subconsciously spreads his legs. He moans louder the deeper he feels Dave's tongue go in. His toes curl and he's smiling behind his arm. Dave spreads John's cheeks furthermore and shoves his tongue as deep as it can go, licking him inside. He doesn't stop. Like a debit card that fails to process. Over and over until John's shakes and quivers. Until he cums and keeps cumming, because Dave makes him feels so good. Dave loves it. He wants to make John cum about infinity times. He wants to love him infinity more times. He want to make him happy that many times. Finally Dave pulls out, John's hand directly goes to his ass to finger himself-Dave can tell. It's a bad habit of his. Dave stops him, whispers to wait a second. John bites his bottom lip. Dave had left him insanely horny. Those seconds in between, waiting for Dave to lube up and ease in...they were the worst feeling in the world. His cock ached. He couldn't touch himself. Dave wouldn't let him. It hurt. His dick hurt.   
Like a curse being broke, he feels the relief when Dave roughly shoves himself into John. John whimpers, his legs being pushed back. That kid could be a professional gymnast with how far back his legs went. "D-Dave," John pulls him close. "Do you feel good?" Dave whispers softly into his ear. The low roughness of Dave's voice relaxes John. John grins from ear to ear, "Always." Dave kisses him and John moans into the loving kiss. "I love you," They say at the same time. Surprised at their unison. Dave roughly fucks him, over and over. There was no point in keeping track of how many times they both came, or for how long they went. When Dave stared at John's eyes, it warmed John's heart. He stared back, he was never the first to pull away from a stare. From the moment he saw Dave at the restaurant, he knew there was something about him...something he wanted. Their first kiss...forcing Dave to Disney after secretly being fired to heal himself. Dave was there, even if he didn't know John was hurting. Dave touched John when he wanted it. Dave whispered I love you's when John was doubting it without having to tell Dave. Dave was also entranced with John. He let his body fuck John however it wanted so his head could think about how badly he adored and wanted to protect John. Although, John was the one who did most of the protecting. Dave would never admit that though he takes John in his arms like this...kisses him like this...spoils every one of John's wants and needs when he shouldn't give him everything he wants...John is the one who protects him. When Dave is being scolded by executives, John yells back when Dave can't. When some guy harasses Dave, Dave will shrug it off, but John will punch him. John is the strong boyfriend and Dave, though as he is right now, whispering I love you to John. Promising how he'll always besides John and never leave him. Though this is happening, he will never say these things after their nap that they take after fucking. So John does want to fuck a lot. But not because he's horny, but because when they fuck, Dave is excruciatingly vulnerable and honest and admits things he wouldn't unless he was drunk. John whimpers at a strong thrust, holding Dave tighter, "I'm...I can't...fuck me...one last..." Dave understands. He speeds it up, watching John's beautiful lewd expressions until he cums. A tear drips from John's eye down his cheek, it worries the hell out of Dave. "Did that hurt?" He asks, so obviously anxious. "No, duckie, it felt really awesome." Only John would say awesome. Dave gently pulls out and holds him close. "I don't want to shower." "Augh me neither. Too lazy." They cuddle against each other. John frowns for a split second. Soon...they would wake up. Soon...Dave would stop saying so many sweet words and go back to lame flirt lines and it wasn't that John didn't adore those..but the honest ones...those were the ones that made him fall in love all over again. John smiles looking up at Dave. But that's okay. It just made it more special. "What?" Dave whispers, running his hand through John's hair.   
John pecks his lips, "Just thinking about you." "Nerd," Dave presses their foreheads together.   
"Dork."  
"Loser."   
"Butt face."  
"Four eyes."   
"I love you." "I love you, too."


	20. dave sings in the shower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ill keep the last two chapters i wrote its not a big deal

                "Yeaaaahh!" Dave's voice had changed to a rough, rocker in the 80s type voice as took off his clothes in the bathroom by himself, "You blonde kid-yeah you in the shades, the one in the dark dark shaaaaaade-eehh eehhs~" He points at himself in the mirror, fingers as pistol guns, "You need to fuuuuckiiiing put down those Doritooos!" He plays air guitar. "You need to fucking-put down those DORITOS!" He bangs his head in the air, dancing around the bathroom in his boxers. "How are you supposed to get a hot boooooody-if all you ever eat are Doooriiitos!" He jumps at every word. "You need fucking put down that aaajjjj-you need to fucking-put down that aaaajjjj." He pulls off his boxers and sets aside his shades. "If all you ever do is shove Doritos and aj- down your motherfuuuuucking throaaaaat~" He steps into the warm shower, "You'll never impress that eeeegbeeeeert!" He takes in a deep breath, "YOU NEED FUCKING PUT DOWN THOSE DOORITOOOS IF YOU WANNA-IF YOU WANNA-" He shakes his wet hair around. "IF YOU WANNA IMPRESS THAT EGBEEEEEERT!" He snaps his fingers and starts a blues hum. "Doom doom durum, dooooom doom dudum," He starts washing his hair, still singing, "He's a fine hot maaaan." He repeats it, his voice growing stronger as he taps his foot to the beat. "And I love hiiiiiim and I love hiiiim and I-" He takes a deep breath, "motherfucking loOOOve hiiiiiim !" His voice is now more Elvis and his neighbors will probably build a fireman's pole to personally shut him up.

                 "You do huh?" John appears in the doorway, hand on his hip. Dave clears his throat and scrubs his hair casually, "How long have you been there." "You said something about wanting to impress me with your hot body." Dave blushes darkly, "Did I? I don't remember." "Hehehe. I love you too Dork." John steps into the bathroom, "May I join?" Dave pulls aside the curtains, "Holy shit, is this real life?" His hair is wet and moppy and John is already half naked, taking off the rest of his clothes, "Mhm." John steps into the shower with Dave, kissing him softly. Dave passionately pulls him close. They make out away from the shower head before pulling away. "What made you want to join?" "Our puppy. She's stressing me out." Dave pecks his cheek, "No take backs." He rinses his hair. "I know..pass me the shampoo." He does. "She keeps pulling the stuffing out of the pillows." "Just leave out the stuffing so she's not tempted," Dave shrugs. "That's...that's actually a good idea." "What do you mean actually? I'm a fucking genius." "Yeah you are, my duckie." "Love you too duckie." I'm vomiting. That's so cringe. Duckie. Who says that? They do. 

                  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot the real lyrics that i was singing in the shower but heres a cheap remake


	21. her name is queen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they gay

                Queen's paws patter over to John, excitedly wagging her tail. John picks her up and puts her inside Dave's hoodie that he's wearing. Queen chills in his hoodie, head poking out at the top. "Daaaaave, the game loaded." John reaches for some popcorn on his side. Dave returns to the living room and sits on the couch next to John, "Are you just gonna watch for this round?" John rests his head on Dave's shoulder and kisses Queen's puppy head, "I'm not a fan of horror games. They're just..not my type, like I'm not scared...it's just." "Uhuh," Dave responds, starting his game up. "But," John continues, "If I so happened to be scared, I will leave the room. Right my Queen-y?" He looks down at Queen who licks his neck. He giggles and scratches her head. Dave looks down at John, "You both are going to stretch out my hoodie like I stretch out your asshole." "At least it'll smell like me." "And dog," Dave half focuses on his game. 

              "Do you want me to ejaculate into it so it'll leave a better scent?" "You could." 

                It remains quite as they both focus on the game until Dave speaks, "Good job dude, keep it going." He says to a murder hacking up the main characters body.  "Oh my god, that was fucking gruesome," John looks at Dave, shocked. "It's alright, all he did was tear off my cock and feed it to the lambs while his mom made a brisket out of my head. It's honestly the lightest murder I've seen," Dave calmly runs his character away from the murderer, occasionally stopping when the murderer is about to get them to give John a scare. "DAVE! FUCKING GO!" John grips Dave's shirt, "He's right behind you!!!!!!!!!" "Where?" Dave turns his character around to face the dangerously close murderer. John slaps Dave's arm and looks away. Dave runs his character away in time and John stands, holding his stomach that held his new puppy and walked out, "DAVE. OH MY GOD." He returns moments later to a smirking Dave, " _Why would you_   _do that to me?"_

 _"_ I thought it was funny," Dave is still running from the murderer and John is not okay with it. "Don't do that," John sits next to him, the puppy was wriggling to get out the hoodie. "Okay, okay," Dave nods, still smirking. John takes Queen out and she walks away to her favorite stuffed toy, a dick plush Dave gave John as a gift before they started dating. Dave's character walks into a haunted farm with scarecrows that looked like a whale fucked them in the face and tried to fix it with as many supplies as he could carry from the dollar store. "Nice party we're having here I see." "Shouldn't you be running?" "Nah I think we can chill right here." "But what if the murderer comes?" John's panic in his voice rising. "Then he can join the party." He responds just as the murderer reaches Dave, "I'm glad you're here for the party. Welcome." John curls up in a little ball. Dave's character is brutally murdered, "That was kind of fucking rude. You invite a dude to a party and he tears off your limbs. God damn classic." "I think you deserved it," John shrugs. "Wow John. You're siding with him?" "He promised to give me sum good suck."

            Dave scoffs sarcastically, "Wooooow." His character finally gets indoors, but the murderer enters and he's running for his fucking life to hide in the closet, "Shit, I left my tampons at home, sorry buddy but save your murdering for a few seconds because I'll be bleeding in more ways than one anyways if you know what I'm saying." John is on edge, trying not to hide in ball. "Go-go go," The character opens the closet and John sighs of relief, before the murdered pulls him right out and John screams. Dave calmly gazes at the screen, "Well shit how am I going to recover my tampons now." John covers his face with the hoodie. "Oh no," Dave mumbles in a low monotone voice as he's murdered. "You okay buddy?" Dave asks, continuing to play from the checkpoint. He hears heavy breathing and glances at John, "Babe?" John is still hidden under his hoodie, silent except for uneven breathing. "Duckie?" Dave pauses the game and lifts John's hoodie. "This game is too much," John gasps out between weak breaths. Dave holds his face in his warm hands, "Then lets change it, what do you wanna play?" Dave kisses his forehead. "Garry's mod!" John raises his arms in the air. "Hell yeah," Dave kisses him. John leans in closer, with Dave's arms wrapping around him, he climbs on top of him and soon they're cuddling. "Feel better?" Dave asks softly. "If I'm with you, then yeah, I always do," John giggles and pecks Dave's lips. Dave blushes darkly, "Damn you're like really cute Egbert." John blushes just the same, "Yeah." Dave laughs, "Did you just say yeah?" "I-It just came out." "Like I'll be tonight." "Yeah?" John winks. Dave's massages John's hips, "Yeah." John sits up, "Gmod Dave. I want to play hide and seek." Dave pats the space between his legs, "Cuddle?" John sits there and snuggles up against Dave, looking back at him so they can kiss again. Dave's hand slides up John's chest and John pushes it away, blushing, "No distractions you horny dork." 

             "That's really a shame. Was really looking forward to making art out of those hard nipples," Dave hands John the second controller. "Haha make art?" "Your body is a canvas and I'm the artist." "I think that's the first romantic thing you've said or done to me." "No, the most romantic thing I've done is drive to Taco bell at 3 in the morning because you had a 'craving'," Dave plays with John's ear as he set the game up."Mmm, true," John enjoys the ear playing, biting his own lip, "What about me?" Dave thinks, the game loading, "You do romantic stuff without knowing all the time, I can't really choose bro." "I bought you flowers once," John points out, changing into a computer mouse when the game began and hiding behind a file cabinet. "But did you cover yourself in them whilst naked on the bed while waiting for me to come home like a 50s gal?" "Do you want to see me naked with flowers all over me?" "Who doesn't?" John laughs, "No one but you wants to see me naked." "And I'll be the only one to see you naked," Dave whispers, a tad protectively. Shivers run up John's spine. "Damn, daddy." "Did you just call me daddy?" "Yeah, daddy," He laughs, not serious at all. 

            "Turn around," Dave says, referring to the video game. John turns around, he'd been moving his mouse around and Dave's spotted him. "No Dave, think about this, I'm your boyfriend." "Remember when you drank the last aj bottle? Cause I do." "You don't know what you're doing," John runs away and Dave chases him. "That's an aj bottle I'm never getting back," Dave's character shoots at John's mouse, missing. "If you kill me you aren't getting dick," John threatens. "Then I ain't gonna eat you out," Dave retorts. "Shit." "Damn right," Dave kills John's mouse. "I'm so mad at you right now Dave," John watches Dave play the rest of the round till it's over. "Yet you're still wearing my hoodie and snuggled into me?" "Well I still love you, that doesn't change." Dave stops playing and looks at John, "Why do you have to do this?" "Do what?" John looks back, confused. "Now I feel bad for murdering your ass." "It's my charm." 

            "You've really swooned me," He replies sarcastically and presses their lips together. John turns his body around to face Dave and kisses back lovingly. "Fuck video games," John whispers. Dave pulls him down and they kiss softly, whispering to each other and keeping close. Dave teases, "You're so lame, It's midnight and we're making shitty jokes that wouldn't make even the politest laugher smile." "You're lame too," John nuzzles his chest. Queen returns from destroying their bedroom and jumps on top of them both, snuggling and settling down. Dave sighs, "Why'd we get a dog again?" "I was being brainless." "Aw. I used that term like over a year ago and you're still referencing it?" "No matter how long time passes, what you say is still important to me," John shrugs casually, speaking very matter-of-factly, "Not just because you're my boyfriend, because whe-" Dave kisses him to shut him up. John gladly returns the kiss. "Just marry me already," Dave blurts. "Hehe," John bites Dave's lip, "We practically already are." John points at Queen, "Our first child." "Let's make more," Dave says as John takes off Dave's shades. "What do you mean?" John asks. "Let's fuck a lot to make lots of babies," Dave wiggles his brows. "I have a penis. You've seen it. Many times." "If you believe in something hard enough it becomes true. I heard that somewhere from a gay dude. So it has to be true that If we fuck a lot you'll become pregnant," Dave refuses to give up. He will get his million fucks inside John's asshole. John thinks for a bit, "Do you actually think it's possible?" "Yeah, I heard that two dicks can make babies now." "Then, I guess I can trust you on this. Let's fuck," John pulls him close. "Already?" Dave is taken aback, "I'm not opposed to it or anything." "I'm not getting any younger Dave. Let's make these babies." "I'm like 25." "Prime time for baby making." 

             Dave climbs on top of John, "Is it just me or you're real horny tonight?" "You can't just play with a boy's body expect him to not get hard for his boyfriend. It's common sense," John boops Dave's nose. "Boop." "Lazy days like this...doing nothing productive with my faggot, those are the best for a Strider to recharge his coolness levels," Dave continues to ramble on. John massages Dave's cock and Dave suddenly shuts up. They had a sexy night followed (Next Chapter) by Taco Bell. It would of been gayer, but a certain cock block cried if it didn't get attention and destroyed the house with its puppy teeth.

 

 


	22. Cock block

                 "You're so weird," John picks up Queen when she starts crying because DaveJohn are making out. "Queen's the biggest cock block since a straight girl in a yaoi," Dave sighs, upset that he's being cock blocked yet again. "She just needs some extra love," He kisses all around her face. Queen licks his face to return her love. Dave cringes. Queen probably licks her pussy with that tongue, now how was Dave suppose to kiss John's dog vagina ridden face. John starts to hug Queen, but she jumps off and runs off. "What? You came here for what exactly?" Dave calls after the dog. "I've never felt so rejected in my life," John looks offended.

                   "John can you clean your mouth maybe," Dave shrugs. "She didn't shove her tongue down my throat you know." "It went inside your mouth." "So?" "It's gross dude." "I think you're being a clean freak." "I think I won't continue taking off your clothes." John thinks for a moment, "Fine, I'll chill with Queen." He stands and calls out for his dog. Dave looks stunned, "Wait." John walks around the apartment, "Queeeny~" "Wait, John," Dave stands and follows, "You really won't clean your mouth which will take less time than it takes for a presidential candidate to shut up when they're asked to by the moderator?" John shrugs, "I don't think it's a big deal." "Right so it's not a big deal that you wash it, so it's easy. Do it." "You can't tell me what to do," John pats his thighs when Queen comes over to him happily limping. "Jump Queen-y, Jump!" She does and he catches her. "아니 에이~ 왜그래, 그러지마." (No, don't be like that.) Dave speaks up. John glances at Dave with a facial expression Dave hadn't seen before. He was frowning and almost...glaring? "เอาแต่ใจตนเอง" (Self-centered.) John walks away to the bedroom.

                   Dave is stunned. "뭐라구? (What did you say?) Duckie? I don't know that word," Dave finally moves and opens the door. John looks up at Dave as he plays with Queen on the bed, "What's my favorite place to go out?" "I don't know. Do you want to go out?" John shakes his head, "What did I do before stand up comedy?" "College maybe...ah or high school?" John shakes his head, "When did I first come to America?" "When you were a little meter high dork," Dave sits at the edge of the bed. "I was born here." "Yeah..it's a joke," Dave tries to fake laugh it off.

                 John returns his attention to Queen, "How come you don't ask me about myself? It's like we're still those strangers in the restaurant." Dave shrugs, "I don't need to know your life story. It's not a big deal. Is this why you're being whiney?" "That's rude," John lays his head on Dave's lap. "เอาแต่ใจตนเอง. (Self- centered) You don't mind talking about yourself and your successes, but you don't care about mine?" "I do, who the fuck says I don't? Was it Karkat? Is he texting you those anti-Dave texts again?" Dave asks. John raises his brows, "You look through my texts?" "I thought we were cool on that." "How much do you read?" "Enough to know Karkat still has a big fat crush on you." John blushes and pushes Dave a little, "No one would ever have a crush on me." "I do," Dave leans in to kiss him. John leans in, but before they kiss Dave pulls away, "Never mind, I forgot you have dog breath." "You suck," John crosses his arms, "Ask me about myself Dave." 

                  Dave finds himself a comfortable spot laying down with John on his chest, "Why are you so gay?" "That's not a real question silly," John pokes him, "Poke." "Fine...why are you so cute?" "Dave! I'm so mad at your attitude right now!" John "glares." It was the cutest. "Oh yeah, I can feel your anger, I can feel it burning in my asshole. So fire, it's almost as lit as my mixtape. You could bake a pizza with your anger. Truly, no one can compare," Dave caresses John's hair. "Dave..." John sighs, "Please.." "Okay I'm sorry," Dave pulls him closer, "Tell me about yourself." 

                   Queen lays in the small space between them by their hips. Dave kisses John's head, "I want to know more about you." John gives in, "Hold on." "What?" John leaves momentarily, coming back rather quickly, "I washed my mouth and face for you." Dave blushes, "Nice," He mumbles. Damn that was so sweet. Probably wasn't a big deal for anyone else, but to Dave, little things meant everything. John returns to his spot and Dave kisses him softly, "So about yourself, tell me." "You grabbing my ass really hard ruins the romance you're trying to create here." "I love your ass," Dave replies softly. John sighs happily, "I love your butt, too. Anyway, I did go to college, but it kinda sucked. I had a dumb crush on the football quarterback who was straighter than my splits." "It sucked because a guy didn't like you back?" "No, it sucking and me liking a guy are two different things." "Well I don't want to hear about you liking another guy," Dave mumbles, "I only want to hear about how much you like my cool butt." John giggles, "Are you jealous?" "Nah." "So I can keep talking about the cute quarterback?" "No." "Jealous." "아니." (No.) John kisses Dave's neck and holds his hand, "You know I only want you duckie." Cringe. Dave blushes, "Yeah?" He replies in the most casual way possible still trying to pull off his im totally not swooned every day and night by my faggoty ass boyfriend. "Mhm." John nods. Dave pulls him on top of him, kissing him. "Mmmm," John moans, not purposely rubbing his ass against Dave's crotch rather because of Dave's hip moving. "D-dave!!!!!" John pulls away, "You're turning everything into sex again." "It was getting awkward for me." "Then how did you stop yourself before we started dating?" "That's a secret." "Selfish. I don't want to fuck all the time." "I-I know that." "No you don't," John gets off of Dave. Wait what the fuck. What the fuck's going on. Is this a real argument. The fuck's this. "I do," Dave sits up, "And I do want to know more about you. About your college experience. The funny stories you tell me in passing about growing up with your dad. Wasn't your grandpa like a comedian or something?" Dave was try harding trying to fix this. John isn't budging. Literally, he isn't moving when Dave tries to pull him to face him.

                    "I'm more than just a pretty face right?" John asks randomly. Well your dicks pretty solid. "No shit, why'd you ask that?" "Every time I went on a date, they only tried to fuck me." "Well that's not me." John turns to face Dave, "I really like you." Dave blushes, already leaning to kiss him. John stops him, "No sex alright? Can't you be vulnerable without sex?" Hahahahaha. "What do you mean?" Dave raises a brow. "Your cool guy facade. You never fail to keep it up," John snuggles him, "I'm not a dumb pretty face. I know there's more to you." "Have you been watching too many anime cartoons?" Dave looks down, awkwardly hugging back. John snorts in Dave's chest, giggling, "Daaaave. Tell me about yourself too. I didn't even know you dropped out of college!" "It's not really something you'd tell your boyfriend in hopes that he thinks your cool," Dave and John part from snuggles a bit so John can look up at him. "What about your parents?" "Never met them." "Oh I'm sorry." "It's chill duckie," Dave holds his hand. "Can I ask what happened to them?" "I think that's already enough info for now." 

                 "Who raised you?" "My bro." My sushi is more alive than this conversation. "Can I meet your bro some time?" "Not really." "Why? You don't think he'll like me?" John giggles. Oh boy. Maybe if he was alive he'd be able to. "That's enough about me. What's it like being my boyfriend?" Dave changes topics. "The fucking worst," John jokes, "I get sooo many cuddles and I love you's and feel needed and loved." Dave rolls away, "This conversation is too emotional for me." "Don't be a tumblr user and make a joke about having no emotions because you're dead inside." Dave rolls back to him and in the most ridiculous voice says, "i cant even like im dead inside, like i hide behind this smile every day like i hate myself sooo much hashtag self-deprecating joke." John laughs and joins in, "I'm trash. I'm so emo about this." Dave and John laugh. The old man's joy of making fun of the younger generation. 

                 John sees Queen is asleep and picks her up. She flops around like a flaccid cock. "Oh my god, is she okay?" Dave laughs hard. "She's so sleepyyyy," John holds the small puppy and takes her to her puppy bed. John returns, stomach grumbling. "I want tacos again." "You are so lucky I'm not involved in filming or I would not stay up with you for late night Taco Bell." John climbs into bed and boops his nose, "Please?" "It's like 1am, but alright. Let's go," Dave leans in to kiss him, "But complain less about how much we fuck." "It's not that that upsets me. I love being fucked." That made Dave want to fuck John right then and there. "It's complicated," John shrugs. Dave gives up, "C'mon Taco Bell is waiting for us."                

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to pull out my phone to see what tumblr people say for that dumb joke i feel like an old man shitting on teenagers


	23. I'm not a hero. John's a hero.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> karkat again

                 "YOOOOOOO," Dave yells out loud walking over to a John who's in the bedroom, getting ready for duet afternoon performance with a new comedian friend. "YOOOOO," John yells in return, running conditioner into his hair by the closet mirror. "My ass is booked for the next month with being an assistant editor with the same guy I've done editing work with twice. Do you understand how fucking badass that is? He looks at me, meeting eyes like two lost lovers, longingly asking me to join him once more," Though as excited as he is, he keeps his voice monotone and calm. John glances at him, "It's that big of a deal?" "It's like if Gabriel Iglesias' comedian friend asked you to duet with him for the third time," He wraps his arms around John's waist and presses soft kisses on his neck. "That is pretty cool," John puts on his glasses, "But that means less time with me right? And more food for me to abuse my body with?" "As long as you bring me lunch," Dave and John lock eyes. "Why do I have to bring it for you?" "Cause...," Dave pulls at John's jean waist, "It gives me an excuse to play with you." John blushes, "That was so lame." "Yeah," Dave admits, "But it gets you moist in the panties." "Maybe."

               Queen comes limping over from the kitchen, watching them. "How'd the surgery go?" John asks, "Since I wasn't here and you didn't tell me yet." "For Queen? Pretty awesome and I taught her some cool tricks," Dave turns to his puppy and pats the bed, "Queeny jump." She hesitantly jumps onto the bed and Dave waves his hands at himself, "Queeny Jump!" Queen wriggles excitedly unsure of when to go, then suddenly jumps for Dave's arms and he catches her. "Aww." John watches Queen lick Dave's chin out of excitement before she's put down. "How much time before your show?" "30 minutes," John answers casually, grabbing Dave's matching red varsity jacket. He sees the gay look in Dave's eyes. "No, no getting it on before the show." "It'll be the last time." "That's what you said last time." "It always calms your nerves." "That-," John bites his lip trying to think of something to stop Dave from shoving his hands down John's pants to make him moan and relax like a little bitch. "I won't do it," Dave admits, kissing John's forehead, "I respect your decision." "Woah, where'd that come from?" John zips up the jacket. "You look really cute in my jacket," Dave shrugs and walks out. That's right Dave's a weak little bitch when it comes to John wearing Dave's clothes. John could tell Dave to throw his hard drives off the top of their apartment while wearing Dave's boxers and shirt and Dave would do it, probably. John didn't get it though. A miracle maybe? He thought. No no John. Your gay boyfriend is at the palm of your hand as long as you wear his clothes. 

               "Oh and Karkat wants to hang out again," John calls out to Dave. "Have fun," Dave is in the kitchen, making his own buffalo wings sauce. "He wants you there." "Wait really?" "Yeah." "Doesn't he hate me?" "No, he just seems that way to everyone." John comes out with Queen following with her plush penis in her mouth. "So he enjoys my company? Of course he does. Who doesn't enjoy the Strider company," He says rhetorically. "Me when you run out of aj. You get grumpy." "I do not." "Dave, you tried to scold me on why I hadn't put our rainbow flag back up." "Well I still don't see it back up." John playfully pushes Dave's chest, "Later. I'm going." Dave leans in for a kiss and John lovingly gives it to him. They stand there, arms around each other, kissing passionately for a long gay 5 minutes before pulling away. "사랑해 (I love you)," Dave whispers. "ผมรักเธอ (I love you)," John stares into the gaze of Dave's red eyes. Dave becomes as red as his own eyes, "하지마 (Stop it) 너 정말 귀엽다 (You're really cute)," Dave looks away. " 그렇게 말하면 내가 무안해지잖아 (You're making me blush)." "What?" John blinks, out of Dave's capturing gaze. "You know I only know how to say Yes, No and flirt lines." Dave turns away, "Nothin, Good luck." "Did you say something cute and embarrassing?" "Nope." "Is my cool boyfriend being cute?" "I only said, "Take a picture it'll last longer." "What a boyfriend," John jokes, saying goodbye to Queen before finally leaving. 

                

* * *

               "Whoooo's my lovely _fucking_ boyfriend?" Dave enters John's dressing room. It'd felt like all he was doing was slamming open dressing room doors, if John got any more popular he'd have to gift John a chastity belt from all the fans thirsty for is asshole. Dave knew personally that a boy like John, who could take anything up the ass, was special and needed to be treated so. John turns to see Dave, a huge smile spreading across his face, "Me!" Dave wraps his arms around John and picks him up suddenly. "WOah-" John holds on and their foreheads press against each other. "You look hot," Dave pecks his lips. "How come you're so sweet before and after my performances? Do you think a sugar daddy will rake me off the stage and take me away?" John questions suspiciously except not real suspicious just playing with Dave's poor gay heart. " **I am** your sugar daddy," Dave presses John against the wall. John glances over Dave's pink lips, they lean in and kiss. Dave tugs on John's bottom lip while John tugs on Dave's shirt. Somehow, with the power of grey skull that John pulled out between his asscheeks, he pulls himself away from Dave's lips, "No fucking. I got in trouble for it last time in that small gig." "I thought we kept it silent," Dave wiggles his brows. John face palms, "I left a cum soaked condom." "We don't use condoms," Dave kisses him. "In the beginning of our relationship we did a few times before you showed me how it felt without and-," John stops himself before he went to describe how he became Dave's one and only slut. A monogamous slut. "Wow, we could not control ourselves a year ago," Dave puts John down gently. John's face already looks like its been dipped into red paint or like someone was using paint sai for the first time and shoved transparency into full drive, "Dave?" John's tone of voice was curious, but soft. Dave knew this voice. Oh god. Run Dave.

               "Was it okay for me to sleep so early on with you? I know you're experienced in this relationship stuff so I trust your answer." Dave looks so guilty. "Did you sleep this early on with others too? Or is that too personal a question?" Dave looks confused then smirks. John stares at his reflection in Dave's shades. "Duckie?" John pokes him. "Did you forget that you're the first person I've fucked?" Dave smirks, hand over his face, trying to hide how his smirk was battling against France to turn into a big grin. John blushes, "I forget stuff sometimes." "I don't know man, sounds like something you should remember," Dave shrugs. John can't meet Dave's shades. "Let's go home," Dave holds John's hand. John looks up and kisses him, "Today we're hanging with Karkat remember." "Is he bringing his bee boyfriend?" "They're not dating," John grabs his jacket (Dave's jacket) and his notepad. They walk out to a waiting cab, hand in hand. "Why not?" "I don't think it's so easy for Karkat to randomly start liking someone else." "I did when I saw you." "Aw. You had a crush on me?" "We're dating." "Still. You had a crush on me. Hehe." Dave was furiously blushing. 

 

* * *

                Karkat didn't look any different. He didn't look like God of War's video game cover or taller or anything that Karkat said he'd become from his new diet. "It's been a few weeks. His pocket sized body is probably still getting used to his new diet," John whispers to Dave after Dave pointed out how he could still use Karkat as a light weight for his workout routine that didn't exist. They stand in front of a three story arcade game, watching Karkat make his way over to them, wearing his now signature look; Sollux's company hoodie and old worn out jeans that made their own holes. "Karkat do you suck for a living? Your pants's knees did like Flo-Jo and ran away." Dave points at Karkat's knees. Karkat frowns and furrows his brows, "Breakfast, lunch and dick. That's what I say." Dave cracks a smirk and looks at John. John blushes at Dave's smirk. Karkat is cringing harder than I am. 

                "So are you ready to get "butt fucked" as you would say, by my gaming skills Strider?" Karkat enters before they do. John looks offended, like someone just washed his dishes without his knowing, "I can beat both of you, you know." "No you can't," Dave and Karkat say in unison. John frowns, "Since when did you two become best friends?" Karkat pats his lips with his finger, "Hmm...Oh yeah since fucking _never_. **I'd rather shove a petri dish with E. Coli up my anal cavity and with my other phalanges reach into my esophagus, let them feel the agonizing, blistering pain of my stomach acid scorching off my flesh as I reach for the petri dish, splitting all my intestines into bite-sized pieces and yanking it out of my mouth before I could ever become "best friends" with a self-proclaimed college drop out who hides behind a pair of lame eyewear."** Dave and John had heard lots of things from Karkat, but not of Karkat's  _clearly_ masochistic habits of wanting to be penetrated by petri dish. Listen masturbate to whatever, but don't spread it around like _fuck_. "He doesn't hide his eyes to me. I see them all the time," John brags, though he doesn't mean to. He's just rectifying Karkat's words. John and Dave follow Karkat to whatever game he wants to try out, Karkat looks back at them, "They're still lame." "They're not lame. I gave them to him. It's what makes him 30% cooler," John chuckles. "Yeah now I'm 130% cooler and my raps are so sick and slick, my shades a perfect fit, symmetrical symbols selfishly stamped my self-command, unbounded by your constitution i rest no retribution on your piteous ass--covetous of my class, fact is--"

           "Fact is your raps suck as much as your shades do and you're not convincing me otherwise," Karkat interrupts him. John joins in, "Your raps do kinda suck, sorry babe." "Listen Dave," Karkat speaks in a imafuckinggodsoyoubetterlistentome voice as he situates himself in a booth like game with a comfy bench inside for all of them to sit in, "I know rap. I listen to rap. Not much, but enough to..blah blah blah blah." That's all Dave heard, he peered back at John, hand opening and closing going "blah blah" and John giggled at that. "Are you listening?" Karkat asks after his long spiel of who knows what the fuck. "Yeah totally, I cleaned out my earwax today just for you. I got them professionally done," Dave leaned back, watching Karkat and John add in coins to play. Dave wasn't playing this round, it was a two player game. Karkat raises a brow, "You can get that professionally done?" "Yeah, cost me a fortune. Half of my tax dollars right there. Really milked my tits for that money. Spread my legs like a whore just to clean my ears for you." John was biting his bottom lip like his life depended on it, trying not to burst into laughter and collapse right then and there. Karkat looks a little taken aback like wow this friend milked his tits for money to pay for something that would make him a better listener, this is truly what real friendship feels like. "You didn't have to do that for me," He speaks up. Dave shrugs, "It's alright, not a big deal." He glances at John who's stuck frozen like a he's got his shoulder glued to his ears as he tries to not laugh. Dave reaches a hand out and rubs his back to calm him down, but...sensually. Soon, John's urge to laugh lowers and his dick rises, probably. John's blushing and that makes Dave blush and they're looking away from each other like a pair of high schoolers. Karkat's whooping ass at the game while John's too distracted by Dave's earlier touch to regain his position. 

            Karkat's off getting drinks now and that was made possible by John pretending to not know where everything was by acting like an idiot and Dave claiming that the earwax cleaning left his head in a wooz that kept him lost without guidance. That left Dave and John together. In the dark of the arcade with the shitty neon lights, they escaped into the booth from before, because it had curtains no shit. "Dave, don't do that again." "What?" "From before...the uh, thing..when I was laughing uh," John looks away, "I'm not mad. I just-not in front of Karkat." "I just meant to stop you from laughing," Dave shrugs, not accepting this. "Turning me on made it worse," John blushes, though you can't see it in the darkness of the booth. "I turned you on?" Why's he asking. Of course he turned John on. John gently punches Dave's shoulder, "Stoooop." Dave grins a little bit and leans in to kiss him, holding his chin. John can't resist and leans in, kissing him passionately. "I love you," Dave whispers. John nuzzles Dave's chest, "I love you." They leave the booth before it gets too suspicious, holding hands tightly. John was wearing Dave's red jacket again. It was slowly turning into John's jacket. 

            Karkat returns, pissed and with no drinks, but soaked to the brim. His brown curly hair in a moppy mess and Sollux's sweater, damn would Karkat not shut up about it. "HIS FUCKING SWEATER IS WET." Karkat growls. "FUCKING ASSHOLE OF THE TITTY LICKING PEACH FUZZ PLANETARIA OF A JOKE CUNT  _SHOVED_ INTO ME WITH NO REGARD TO WHERE HIS HOBBIT SIZED FEET WERE DIRECTING, IF THEY WERE DIRECTED BY ANYONE IT'D BE NIGHT SHYAMALAN AND HIS FRIENDS--MORON AND MORONIC." He's pacing around DaveJohn. "AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID WHAT HE BUMPED INTO ME? FUCKING NOTHING!!!!!!!!! THE BIPEDALIST JERK WAD JUST WITNESSED ME SOAKED LIKE A PANTY AFTER TATSU, GLANCED DOWN, WALKED OFF AND CONTINUED TO LAUGH LIKE THE _HIJO DE PUTO QUE ES Y TODA SU PUTA FAMILIA._ (LIKE THE SON OF A BITCH THAT HE AND HIS WHOLE FAMILY IS)." Karkat was panting furiously. "Where is he?" John asks, calmly. "SECOND FLOOR, SAW THE FUCKER GET ON THE MOTORCYCLE RIDE. I HOPE HE FALLS OFF AND GETS A CONCUSSION  _QUE SE VALLA A VERGA."_ ( I think in English it's something like "he can go fuck himself" ) Dave and John nod at each other and go down to the second floor. Karkat's astonished and follows after like a wet kitten, "What are you doing?" "Fighting them,' Dave responds. "You are not fighting them Dave," John is suddenly glaring, scanning the room, " _I am._ " "Babe, that's fucked. I'm fighting too," Dave nudges Karkat, "Which one is he?" "The loser in the khaki cargo shorts." Dave is about to reach the guy. About to give him a piece of his mind and shove it up his asshole, but his boyfriend beats him to it. Remember when I mentioned John fights all their battles? That's what this was. John, being the hero that he is and giving no shits about getting arrested when it came to being the hero, slammed the guy's head straight into the motorcycle. Dave and Karkat stand in astonishment as the with just that hit, the guys is bleeding profusely like there was no end in sight. Him and his friends were mortified. It was a Thursday, noon, no one was there to witness John whooping some ass. Dave and Karkat too amazed by how the men quickly cowered on their knees in front of this young geek in his 20's and soon cow towed for Karkat and payed for the drinks and dry cleaning for Karkat's clothes. Dave had never been so swooned in his life. John didn't seem to have broken as sweat, he barely touched the other two with the tip of his ballsack; they were John's bitches right then and there. Of course, Dave, John, and Karkat all got the fuck out of there. 

             "What about the cameras?" Dave asks once they're a few blocks away. Karkat sighs, still drenched in his clothes, "I have a friend who can clean it." John has an arm around Karkat's shoulder, not caring that Karkat was soaked. "We gotta get you changed. Let's go--" Dave suddenly steps in front of Karkat, backs up into him and picks him up, piggy back ride, "--home to get you changed." "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. FUCK OFF." Karkat tries to shove Dave away. Dave keeps him close and doesn't give up. John assists with keeping Karkat on Dave's back. "It's been rough already, just let us spoil you," Dave speaks as though he feels indifferent about it. John walks besides them until they get home. It isn't too far. 

              Karkat showers at their place. "Why's there a bag of open Doritos in the shower?" He says after changing into one of John's old shorts that just barely fit him. The gays look up at Karkat, dressed in all of John's clothes since John was smaller than Dave. Dave looks back down at the video he was watching on his phone. "You'll never get those questions answered around here," John stands up, "Is there anything else we had planned?" "I want to watch a movie," Dave doesn't look up from his phone. "Let's do anything but that," Karkat says automatically. "It can be a romcom," John walks over to the bedroom where they had a tv on the wall connected to Netflix. "I see your point," Karkat nods all matter-a-factly. Dave and Karkat follow John. Dave jumps onto the bed, dead tired. Karkat stares at John for a little too long. Dave notices. He calls Karkat to sit with him as John set up the movie. Karkat sits in bed, packing pillows to make a comfy backseat. John joins them. Karkat in the middle, the smallest and cutest of them. Dave keeps glancing at Karkat throughout the movie, almost worried like. Or maybe, it's just my imagination. But then again I'm writing this whole shindig. This whole thing is comprised of my imagination. 

   

                

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS MIDNIGHT YET AGAIN. FUCK.


	24. skin hunger

              DaveJohn must of read each others minds because they put their arms around Karkat at the same time, pulling away instantly. "Go ahead," Dave nods. John shakes his head," You touched him first." Dave scrunches up his brows, "I'll take the waist. You take the shoulders." "Sounds Good." Karkat was steaming with anger in between them, "You can't just fucking decide on what to do with me like a fucking whore. Don't fucking touch me!" He tries to make himself smaller, more far away from both of them. "We saved your life back there. You owe it to us," Dave shrugs casually. John wraps an arm around Karkat's shoulders, "C'mon Karkat! I bet you never get cuddles." Karkat turns to John, "Yes I do. Some times, when Sollux is tired from his job and is watching something with me, he falls asleep on my shoulder and I hold his hand. " "Haha. That's gay," Dave teases. "You're gay!' Karkat snarls. "Hell yeah," Dave blows John a kiss and John catches it. "So do you like Sollux?' John asks. Karkat growls, "Fuck no. Besides, his melodramatic bullshit about his work keeps him  **at** work. So cuddles and building any platonic relationship are barely there." John stares sadly at Karkat, "Damn, That's kinda sad." Dave wraps an arms around Karkat's waist. Dave and John squeeze together to keep Karkat close, John's arm still around Karkat's shoulder. Karkat tries to pull away, "This is getting fucking weird." 

            "C'mon dude, platonic love is in the air. Don't you smell it?" Dave pulls him back. "Smells like bullshit to me," Karkat scrunches his nose angrily at them. John takes Karkat's hand, "Please Karkat? I think you should honestly be cuddled. It's only healthy to feel loved by your friends." Karkat's light olive cheeks blush furiously, his eyes dart away, "Sure, whatever." Dave, monotone as fuck, says  "Fuck yes. Get your cuddle pants on because you're going for the ride of your life. You know what they call me? The cuddle master 3,000 and I'm going to relax your muscles with nothing but sweet friendship. Like in the Japanese animu cartoons." Karkat rolls his eyes, "You really want to pick this guy, John? Everything he says sounds like the excrements of a pig pen." John nods, "I love him," He blurts, "A lot." Dave blushes, "Not in front of the children babe." Karkat growls and shoves Dave, " **Do I look like an infant to you?!?!?! Is it due to my height?!"** He's speaking so fast, Dave can't keep up. " _ **I bet your films are so original just like your god-like insults. That's sarcasm by the way!"**_ He pushes Dave's chest, he's fuming, Dave doesn't even know what's going on, It's happening too fast. " **AND DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME AGAIN. NOT WHEN YOU'RE BEING ALL LOVEY DOVEY WITH JOHN. IT'S SICKENING. I DON'T NEED CUDDLES. NOT FROM ANYONE. AND SPECIALLY NOT FROM A GREASY HAIRED DUMB BLONDE RICH KID WHO CAN'T TELL AN ASS FROM A MOUTH SINCE EVERYTHING HE SAYS COMES FROM BOTH ENDS ANYWAY!"** Karkat scrambles off the bed and storms out the room. Dave looks at an equally surprised John, "Is my hair actually greasy?" John frowns, "That was fucked up Dave." "It was just a little joke. He's the cock-stuffer here," Dave sighs, "I'll go see him." "You might anger him more," John stops Dave, "I'll go." "Stop fighting all my battles," Dave kisses John's forehead, "Trust me." John squeezes Dave's hand before letting go and nods.   
  


               Karkat hasn't left surprisingly. He probably got distracted with Queen, whom he was now cuddling on the couch with. Dave stops before reaching him, staring at Karkat mumbling to the sleepy puppy. It was hella cute. You couldn't hear much of what Karkat was muttering, just little hand signs and over exaggerated whispers. "It's come to my attention that I've hurt your feelings," Dave's voice sounds like it's straining itself to have emotion. But he just sounds awkward instead so he returns to his monotone self. He strides over to Karkat and carefully sits down by Karkat's waist since Karkat's laying down and shit. Karkat turns away, taking the sleepy puppy with him. "I wasn't making fun of your height or anything. It was my way of telling John to pipe the fuck down the lovey dovey stuff, for you. I-" He stares at the motionless Karkat. "...I took John from you. Obviously, didn't mean to. I don't want to cause you harm dude. You're not too lame, (Karkat goes "Tch.") so if you're feeling down about something...I guess...lay it on me?" Dave looks away uncomfortably. "Oh and we don't have to cuddle or be close or anything. Or friends. You can do that with John all you want though." Karkat finally speaks, "You don't think I'll try to steal John away?" "No, not really." "Why?" "I don't know why, but I trust you with John. I also trust John." Karkat stays still. Dave shrugs, "You can join us whenever, or leave." He leaves back to the bedroom.

               John was going through the selections, "What happened?" "Cleared up misunderstandings. If he's pissed I want to work it out and stuff," Dave casually gets back into bed, leaving the door open. John holds Dave's hand, "Thank you. Why isn't he back though?" "He's probably calming down," Dave kisses John's cheek. John kisses his mouth. They cuddle and because stand up, arcade games and running from a crime scene all in one day is energy draining, John falls asleep on Dave's shoulder. Karkat returns around this time, but he doesn't say a word and avoids meeting eyes. The movie playing was a Nicholas Cage one John had chosen. Karkat didn't speak up about it and stayed in the far end of the bed. After five minutes, Dave reaches a hand out to Karkat. Karkat pushes it away, but scoots on over anyway. Dave wraps an arm around his little friend. Karkat seems visibly uncomfortable. He'd probably rather have John's arm around him. I mean who wouldn't, I'd suck Hussie's dick for a chance like that. Eventually Karkat finds himself comfortable. While Dave is in the middle of these two friends, Karkat speaks finally, "Sabes, esta bien si me toques...me vale lo que hagas, ni se siente tal mal y ademas-" "-Karkat I know the gist of what you're saying. I took Spanish in high school and college," Dave stops him. Karkat turns beet red. "It's alright if I touch you, something about...no caring what I do and how it doesn't feel bad..that's what you were saying right?" He's smirking. He enjoys embarrassing Karkat. Karkat stays still, softly speaking in English now, "Just shut up and pretend I never said that." John hasn't woken up from all this. He's still peacefully sleeping on Dave's shoulder like a sexy angel. 

                "I won't ever forget," Dave's smirk widens. "I loath you," Yet Karkat doesn't move away. "So I like being cuddly with friends so what?" Karkat keeps going even after telling Dave to forget the conversation, "Whatever. I'll do what I want." "You go do that," Dave supports, "You don't get it much from Sollux do you?" Just then John begins mumbling quotes from his shitty movies, he's drooling. Dave sets him down, but keeps holding his hand. He grins at his boyfriend. "Goodnight Duckie." Karkat is looking away, "I think I'll go home." "Be safe," Dave looks back at him. Karkat nods and gets off the bed, out the room, out the apartment, down the stairs as he calls a cab. Goes to his own apartment, the one he shares with bee boi and into his own bedroom. Right now, DaveJohn were cuddling in bed, John asleep. Dave slowly falling asleep. They would wake up, kiss, cuddle and whisper and joke. And Karkat? Well, he'd yell at the birds outside for being loud in the morning. Per usual.


	25. sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its short cause writers block and im busy

             Their clothes were littered all over the apartment. Dave's shirt by the hallway to the door. His shades on the floor. John's pants on the couch and right above it, John's glasses teetering on the edge. John's shirt lay right by the bedroom door right next to Dave's boxers. The room was poorly lit except for the bedroom light and soft music that came from inside. "Mmm-," John groans, pushing his bare chest against Dave's as his hands fiercely grips the sheets under him. His panting mingles with loud moans. "D-Daave~ Ahh-," John's moans were short, but high pitched, letting out a soft sound of satisfaction with every thrust of Dave's. "You like that?" Dave whispers teasingly, slapping John's ass. The sound echoes in the room. "M-mhm," John nods, biting his bottom lip. Dave pushes John's legs further back, upwards, shoving his thick cock harder into John's needy ass. John whimpers, drooling. "A-ahhh,...aah," John lewd expression catches Dave's eye. Dave leans in and kisses him. John sloppily returns the kiss, mumbling, "I-I'm sorry." Dave raises a brow, confused, right before John came all over his chest. Dave pulls out, smirking. John can barely keep his eyes open to look at Dave, exhausted, but a sleepy grin pointed at Dave. "Suck me," Dave whispers, kissing his neck. John holds Dave's arms as he tries to sit up. Dave can see John struggling, Dave really gave John the pounding of his life. When John thought back to Dave pounding him, his toes curled. It was that type of fuck. Dave pushes John gently down, "It's alright." He hovers his crotch above John's face. John blushes, not looking directly at Dave's cock. "What? Too big for you?" Dave jokes, running his hand through John's hair. John glares playfully, "Yeah right, Challenge Accepted." John takes Dave's cock into his mouth. "Oh that's fucking godly Eggy," Dave watches John slowly take more and more, visibly excited with every inch closer that John went, sending vibrations with his moans. Dave runs his hand through John's hair, moaning softly, but not very often or loud. John frowns before suddenly bobbing his head like a porn star bubble head. "Shi-" Dave hides his face in his hand, "Where'd this come from all of the sudden?" He's clearly holding in a fuck ton of moans. John can tell. John pulls out, still stroking him, "You never moan for me." "Yeah I do." John stares Dave down with a whythefuckyoulying face before flipping them over and sitting on his cock. "D-Dude," Dave's staring at John, confused. John bounces on his cock, shutting his eyes tightly, pursing his lips.

                       Dave is in awe. John looks so cute riding him. It makes him moan for John, for how ecstatic it makes him feel and how hot John is, dick shoving up his asshole. Dave thrusts inside of John, John's face reddens. "W-we've been fucking for..so long..." "Who cares, You're enjoying yourself right?" Dave grins. He god damn knows how much they'd been fucking and touching each other in these two hours alone. John hides his eyes with his hand and nods, nervous. Dave's strokes John off, feeling himself cum inside of John. With Dave's strokes, John was cumming, too. Dave sits up, sliding out, leaning in right for a kiss that John tiredly gave him, naturally. "N-No more," John faces away, head in the pillow. "That was weird."

               "You riding me?" "Yeah. It was really gay."  "You wreck my ass too often. How am I supposed to stand on stage?" "No more fucking, is that what you want? A week?" "You can't last that long." "Alright three days." John turns to look at him, "Four." Dave nods and holds him, "I know I put your gay ass through so much. I'm sorry that you turn me on so god damn much." John snuggles into him, "I always thought I would be the masculine top, but I feel dumb like this." Dave holds him tighter, "You're a masculine bottom." "I moan like a little bitch." "And it's so damn hot." "Daaave. It's not. It's weird." "Please don't stop." John looks up at him, "Only if you moan also and none of that I don't moan much bullshit. I know you like to moan for me, Strider." John smirks and pokes Dave's nose, "Poke." Dave shrugs," Alright, whatever." They kiss, tired, but happily pressing every surface of their skin together against each other. "I love you Duckie," Dave whispers. John chuckles, "I love you too Duckie." Lame.

And so they didn't fuck for four days.


	26. why dave survived no sex for four days

                  Dave was gone for four days. Left an obvious note for Egbert, "I'll be gone for four or five days." "Shitty note," John throws the damn sticky note out of the bed. Damn right it's a shitty note. "I need to stop looking at that note," John mumbles rolling around. He sits up. It's night. "Dave might come tonight..." He looks around at the mess of the bedroom. Piles of clothes so mountainous it could be compared to Dave's rapping ego. John groans and walks out the bedroom. His dog, Queen, was playing with her favorite toy per usual, a stuffed dildo plush. John sighs at the dishes he knows Dave will be pissed at. It's gotten so bad that he uses napkins as plates because he doesn't want to touch the dishes that precarious lie on top of each other like an orgy gone wrong. Don't get me started on the laundry. John leans over the basket and sniffs, "Oh man, you can smell the cum." Yeah, He's been cumming into Dave's shirts alright. "Augh, I don't want to clean," He whines for the fifth time in five seconds. He plays video games into the night. 

                Dave comes in and you're damn right he inspects the dirty mess of the apartment. He sighs and rubs his eyes. The whites of his eyes as red as his iris. He's left bags of equipment and film shit by the door. He shuts his eyes tightly before opening them again. "John?" He heads for the bedroom. John jumps at the sound, putting on headphones. Dave comes in and stands by John, taking off John's headphones. "Why does the place look like your anus when you don't douche?" John doesn't look at Dave and only shrugs, "I've been...uh...stressed." "No yeah, I can see that. Playing Overwatch must really tire you out huh?" John glances at Dave. Dave's shades are at the top of his head, heavy eye bags showing. John looks away, biting his bottom lip with his overbite. Dave has to look away. He can't scold John when John does that cute overbite nervous thing. "Sorry-I just, I don't know how to take care of the house without you. Like, I have more motivation when you're here. Do you get me?" John is exiting out of the game and turning off his console. Dave turns away, "Tomorrow,  _please_ fucking do it babe. I'm tired. I want to sleep in a clean house." He takes off his shirt. John eyes his body. "I promise." Dave strips off his pants and John watches. Dave feels John's eyes on him, "No sex remember?" "W-what? Who says I want sex?" "House smells like a pornhub fest," Dave climbs into bed. John crawls into bed with him and Dave accepts him into his arms. "Your note was shitty," John mumbles against Dave's lips. Dave blushes and kisses him lovingly, then harder and harder until John whispers, "Baby you should sleep." And Dave stops. But five seconds later they're kissing softly until they fall asleep. 

* * *

            Morning comes, John is up doing all the chores finally. Dave is sleeping in. It's day 5 and John misses being fucked. When the house chores are done, Dave is barely waking up, but won't get out of bed. John douches, waxes, and starves. When Dave steps out of the bedroom, he's grinning softly, "You cleaned. Is it a Christmas miracle?" No, he just wants to get it your pants because he's dick deprived. John giggles. He's wearing briefs that hug his nice ass and no shirt. Dave kisses him and John keeps the kiss going even when Dave tries to end the kiss. Finally Dave presses a finger between their lips and walks over to the kitchen for breakfast. John leans by the counter to watch. "I know you missed me, but I won't be leaving for a long while so you don't have to stare me down," Dave yawns, cooking. "Can we fuck today?" John asks. Dave jumps up a little, "Damn." "Damn?" Dave shrugs. John frowns. "Maybe." John walks away. Dave looks up, guilt on his face like when you finish jacking off and you realize how gross the porn you were watching was. Dave struggles at not looking at John as he eats. John is playing with Queen, but not in the cute, happy way he often does. It's weird and forceful. When Dave's done eating, he chews mint gum and spits it out. "Jooooohn. Let's fuck!" 

             John springs up like an erection and like a dick deprived slut for Dave that he is, he gets fucked by Dave in the bedroom. And it's awesome. and i need to stop writing about them fucking. thats all i do. stop me. 

 


	27. chill/slice of life type of shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hiking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the greatest hike of All Time.

         They rented a car to get to a hiking area. John had suddenly adopted Jake's signature booty shorts and Dave's sweater, but at this point it was John's sweater because Dave didn't remember the last time he wore that sweater. It was Queen's first hike in the mountains and she was ecstatic. She shit twice on the ride there.

            "Your turn to clean the shit," Dave says as he parks. John groans and looks back at his dog, "Queen why'd you have to shit in the car you cutie?" Queen was whimpering, smothering her paw against the shit. "Jesus Christ," Dave has to look away. John gets out and cleans the mess, "You ready to go outside?" Queen barks happily as she's let down onto the ground. Dave opens the door behind the driver's seat and grabs his backpack, then he stares, daydreaming. John was bending down, tying Queen's collar. And Dave's eyes? You already know where they are. John turns around to close the door and Dave shakes his head, he gets out and closes the door.

            Dave throws the backpack on and walks over to John's side, "What's the plan?" John takes Dave's hand and Dave grips back tightly. "Well...we are in the mountains..maybe we should, I don't know..hike?" Dave teases. John nudges Dave in the ribs, "Why do I even ask? I'll lead the way. You'll probably get lost." "No you're right, we should of gotten one of those Toddler Leashes for me, why didn't I think of that?" Dave grins at John. John leans up and kisses him, "Next time, which one do you want? The monkey?" 

             "That's too generic."

             "Oh my bad, I forgot my boyfriend is a hipster."

             "Yeah, get me one that looks like our dog." 

             They looked down at Queen who was laying down, tired before they even got started.

             "He looks done with us," John looks at Dave.

             "I thought she'd want some fresh air, but we all know she'd rather have fresh vagina after-" 

             "dAVE you faggot, she's our child don't talk like that!" John is walking away with Queen. Dave is following, taking John's hand again. "Dude, You're literally dragging her. She hates this."

             John looks back at their old doggo. She couldn't stay still, nervously pacing and nuzzling John's ankles. "She's gonna shit herself again." "Uhh, maybe she just needs some treats or a ball!" "I want your balls." "Duckie!" John glares at Dave. Dave shrugs and bends down, petting Queen. He pulls out a bone from his backpack and hands it to the dog.  She calmed down. "Dave! There's a map over there, I'll be right back." "Yeah, Okay." Dave didn't even look up, making sure their old pup was calmer and not going to shit everywhere. 

           John is observing the map, "Hmm. I know what trail I wanna take. Let's take the one on the right." "Yeah, I'll be right there," Dave isn't listening. He's trying to get Queen to walk. I mean sure she's calm now, but she doesn't even want to walk. Her bone is more important. Dave takes the bone away and picks Queen up, "Listen, it's fine if you don't want to walk. John is the same after I fuck against the wall. I understand." He looks up, wondering why he wasn't smacked yet because of his joke. "John?" He looks around. Empty. They were deep in the trail already. "John!!!!" He yells. He walks around while remaining in the same area. "Oh fuck." He pulls out his phone. No signal. "JOHN EGBERT!!!!" Dave stays where he is. Then looks at his dog. "Today. Today you turn into a bloodhound buddy." Dave puts Queen down, pulls out a thinner sweater from his backpack and makes Queen smell it. She does and then sits down. Dave stares, "C'mon girl. Go find Eggy." Queeny whimpers. Dave forces her to smell it again and starts walking, "Let's go girl. Lead the way." Queen walks and Dave follows, "Now we're talkin." 

          John had looked behind him ten minutes ago, walked back to this area and looked around confused. He looks at a map, "Did I look at that one before? Or...Is this the wrong one..?" He walks around, takes a different trail. 

         Queen-y leads Dave to a tree, she lifts her leg up and Dave realizes his dog was no bloodhound. "Shit. Shit. Did I really lose him?" After two hours more of searching, his legs are giving in. "I'm..I write movies....I can't... _exercise._ " He's dragging his legs, walking back to their car. He sees a woman in a uniform. His legs all of the sudden are blessed by the gods and he makes his way to her, "Hi, I think I lost my boyfriend." Yup that's how you start a conversation. "Um, what?" She doesn't sound genuinely interested that Dave's boyfriend could be eaten by coyotes right now. "Yeah, he went off without me and I've been searching for hours and I'm...getting nervous." "What's his name?" "John Egbert." Dave fucking swore the cunt almost laughed. "How does he look?" "Black messy hair, blue eyes and big square frames, he's about this tall, clearly gay, but we haven't had the talk." He keeps his hand low. 

       "Hey, that sounds like me!" Dave turns the fuck around and sees his boyfriend smiling brightly at him. He jumps at him and John slams into the ground. "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN YOU FAGGOT?!" Dave had never yelled in his life. "Owww, You're squishing me!" John groans. "You scared the fuck out of me. You deserve this pain." "In bed sure," John giggles. "Really? You're making the dirty jokes now?" "I knew I would find you anyway." John hugs him. Dave sits up, still holding him. "How?" "Because...we have this thing you know? Like this connection...we can never be apart. We'll find each other eventually, no matter what. It's only logical," John grins. Dave's tenses up, "That's the gayest thing I've ever heard and you've called me daddy." "You're gay." "I am." Dave holds John's face and pulls him in for a kiss, John deepens the kiss and Dave stands, holding John still. Queeny stood, confused, but followed her gay ass owners to the car as they made out. 

     When they part, Dave is smacking John's ass as John gets into the car. Dave goes around after putting Queen inside on the back and gets into the driver's side. "What do you want to do?" John looks out the window, "Go Home." Dave nods, driving them home. 

     John is still looking out the window when he asks Dave, "Why'd you leave suddenly? That was weird." "I got a call from a friend whose director got sick, and he owed me a favor so he managed to shove me into co-directing an episode from a show on abc." "Woah!" John turns to Dave, impressed, "Did you meet anyone famous?" "Yeah, but that's not the point. Besides, the other co-director took the reigns of this episode. It was like I wasn't even there." "I'm pretty sure you're pulling the old strider there and you don't want to admit how hard you worked on it." Dave didn't respond.  
  
            "We should celebrate. What do you want to eat?" "Your ass." "That's your dessert, I'm talking about your full course meal." "Your cock." "Dave." "John." "Something that doesn't have to do with me," John kisses Dave's cheek. Dave smirks, "You're broke and also we agreed on not celebrating after everything I work on a year ago." "Then just cuddles?" "As long as I get to touch your bum." "Sure, as long as I get to touch the Strider butt." "Deal." Dave drives the rental car back and they take a cab home. When they get home, Queen dashes for her bed to rest and Dave wraps his arms around a short John, kissing the back of his neck. John shivers and pulls away, "Hehe, that tickles." "I believe someone promised me some cuddles? haha gay." "Yeah," John takes his hand. Dave pulls him close and kisses him. Lips pressed gently against each other, biting, pulling...groaning and licking. Their feet followed the way to the bedroom. Dave's hands running through John's hair, "I like your hair. It's kinda soft. lol gay." John playfully hits Dave's chest and they make out till they reach the bedroom. They cuddle under the sheets, holding each other. John, tiredly, places his head on Dave's chest. "Gay." Dave points out. "Thanks for the obvious statement," John looks up at him. Dave kisses his forehead. John looks back down again, "Has Karkat texted you?" "Yeah why?" "He hasn't texted me in two weeks." "Well we don't talk often if that's what you mean." "I think he's mad at me," John mumbles. "Why do you think that?" Dave asks. John snuggles into Dave's neck, "I left mid-game when we were playing league of legends." "So?" "I left him to die mid-mission. I had to go!" Dave kisses John's forehead and runs his hand through John's hair. "Did you apologize?" "Yeah, a bajillion times." "Karkat's probably still salty." John groans. Dave kisses him to stop the groaning. It does stop. Then John pulls away to groan like Tina from Bob's Burgers. Dave sighs and grabs his phone. John stares, hesitantly, "What are you doing?"

           "Calling him," Dave puts the phone on speaker, after a few seconds he looks at John, "He answered." Weird sounds came from the phone. Like sheets being put on a bed, a slinky being pressed against a person's chest and suddenly Karkat's famous "Shut the fuck up!" followed with a moan and both of Dave's and John's eyes widened. They leaned into the phone, hearing a weird clunk before Karkat's voice clearly fucking said, "Be gentle alright??!!! O te doy un coico!!" (Basically; I'll fuck you up.)along with more soft moans. DaveJohn stare at each other, then at the phone, then hang up. They remain quiet. 

            "Who do you think it was?" Dave asks. John looks at him then cuddles into his chest, "I don't want to know." "It was kinda traumatizing. I think I'll have to sue Karkat." "Me too....."

             They try to forget about it.

            "I love you."

            "I love you, Duckie." 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> davejohn has ruined me and my grades


	28. ill try to not make them fuck like always pray for me

               Karkat is washing dirty plate's when John enters the kitchen. "Karkat? What are you doing?" John stops to stare. "It's called washing the dishes. Something you obviously don't do." Karkat is all decked out in a pink apron and gloves that makes him look like a cute maid as he washes the stack of utensils and kitchenware that had accumulated as tall as DaveJohn's height difference. "You don't have to do that, they're my dishes to...but..I mean...if you  _want_ to continue to wash them...then go ahead," John smiles, slowly sneaking out of the kitchen. John slowly walks backwards out of the kitchen and bumps into Dave. Dave wraps his arms around John's waist and whispers in his ear, "What are you doing dork?" John blushes darkly and turns around, grinning, "Avoiding chores." "Naughty," Dave whispers, gripping John's ass. "That's gay," John wraps his arms around Dave's neck. 

               "I CAN HEAR YOU BOTH!!" Karkat yells from the kitchen. "It's fucking gross!" DaveJohn separate instantly, but not without Dave slapping John's ass once more. "Sorry Karkat!" John calls, moving to the living room, embarrassed. Dave strays behind so he's able to watch that ass. 

                When Karkat returns from the kitchen, looking straight out of a thrift shop with his loose sweatshirt that 100% showed love bites by his shoulder on one side and some ripped denim jeans that used to belong to an edgy teen. Dave smirks, "Karkat, Do you have a 남자친구 ?" (Boyfriend) "A what?" Karkat steals away Queen and sits on the couch chair opposite of DaveJohn. John's eyes widen and he glances at Dave. "남자친구 A boyfriend." Dave watches Karkat's facial expression diverge into a fucking panic party. "Why the fuck is that any of your business!?" "Well it's not like you're trying to hide it with that sweatshirt you're wearing," Dave smirks all coy and shit, cocky bastard. Karkat pulls out his phone to check himself and suddenly raises his shirt up to cover his neck. "Is this why you wear turtlenecks all the time?" John leans in, curious. "No that's just because he admires Steve Jobs," Dave interrupts. Once Karkat's sweatshirt was raised, bites by his sides and stomach exposed. "You got a little something something over there bro," Dave leans back in the couch casually. "Um, Karkat Do you want to borrow a shirt of mine?" John asks as Karkat pulls up his knees to hide his stomach, "That'd be more helpful than Dave being a childish rat waste bowl as he finds nothing but happiness but soiling the room with the shit that comes out of his tongue," Karkat stands to follow John away. "Babe! You have a nice butt!" Dave calls to John, "Not you Karkat, I'm talking to John." "I fucking know!!!" Karkat angrily turns back to glare at him, teeth snarled. 

                Karkat returns in one of John's shirts, blushing. It's a lame collar shirt with three buttons and it makes Karkat look like a private prep boy. Dave laughs the instant he sees Karkat and Karkat rushes back into the bedroom, "I'm not fucking wearing this John!!!" "Why? Dave will laugh at anything! Don't listen to that wannabe cool guy!" Dave follows them into the bedroom just as Karkat is taking off his shirt. "Get the fuck out!" Karkat brings his arm back like hes gonna pull a babe ruth and fucking slams the shirt at Dave's face. "I'm just tryna help." The shirt slides down to Dave's arms, "For one, good luck ever wearing any of John's clothes and looking good in them-" "-Hey!" John exclaims. "-Because on he can pull off those dorky clothes and look so fuckable in them." "Aw," John looks to Dave all romantic like as Dave smacks John's ass and grips it. Dave receives a sock to the face. "Get the fuck out or act hetero," Karkat sinks into the closet. Much like I did when I was young and shoved things into my asshole. Dave smugly pulls John into his arms and John shyly tries to pull away, "Uh...Karkat said not to.." "And you're gonna listen to him John? You're gonna let him do you like that?" "Dave, the only one who does me is you." Instant boner. Dave rests his head against the wall, struggling to regain himself, "Ah! My 남자친구 (boyfriend) is so aegyo when he talks dirty!!" ( aegyo= overly cute ) John stares confused at Dave, "Daijou fucking bu?" Karkat comes out of the closet, (as John did when he felt a dildo up his ass for the first time) with a huge sweater that covered him up real nice, "I fucking won." "Won what?" Dave looks up. "I found something that I can pull off that belongs to John," Karkat twirls around, smug as hell. Yeah he looked good. "Well no shit you look good in that, it's mine. John steals my clothes," Dave places a hand on his hip. Karkat's world crumbles, like mine did on election day.

                Karkat struggles to pull off the sweater angrily. John giggles and stops him, "He's just messing with you. That's my sweater." Karkat is fuming and John holds him back from beating Dave up. "Dave's a jerk. Just let him be." "What? I'm not a jerk," Dave gasps. "I think you look good and it hides your marks. Ignore him! He's the dork," John grins. It warms Karkat's balls and balls are sensitive. Karkat blushes and turns away, "B-baka! It's not like I like you or anything!!" No I'm kidding that's not what he said. What he really says is, "Whatever." John smiles softly and turns around, striding over to Dave, "No more joking." "You can't stop me. Tonight I'm gonna have myself a good time. I feel alive. And the world I'll turn it inside out..." He stares at John and John finally gets it, "I'm floating around-" "In ecstacy!" They sing at the same time, "So don't stop me now! Don't stop me cause I'm having a good time! Having a good time!" Karkat sighs and passes by them, " Bye. This was a mistake." John grabs Karkat by the shoulder, "Sing with us!" "Go fuck yourself." "I'll let Dav-" John stops himself, blushing, "Oh my god, I've been so much time with my perverted boyfriend. Karkat, save me." Karkat extends a hand and John takes it. "Wait, you're gonna desert me here?" Dave grabs their hands, "Let's make it a threesome." Karkat pulls away, "Kinky sex isn't my thing." "I doubt the person you fucked yesterday agrees." Karkat stops, "Excuse me?" "You know, the person you were all "be gentle" with." "...," Karkat's face reddens to the fucking brim, "I don't know what you're talking about." "Yeah and I'm straight," Dave smirks. John watches, shocked that Dave would put Karkat on blast like this. 

                 "He was just a one time thing," Karkat grumbles, "Also none of your business." "Yet you let him leave marks?" "No that was someone else." "Oh my god, Karkat you slut, hell yeah!" "I'm not a slut." "Nothing wrong with being one." "Like you?" "Woah I'm not a slut." "You were in college." "Well...That depends." John then interrupts, "Wait, how come you haven't told me about that?" Dave shrugs tragically, "It was a dark past." "Dark my ass!" Karkat furrows his brows, "The only thing dark about it was the condom wrappers you littered around our dorm." John slightly frowns. Karkat notices, "I mean it wasn't often. Maybe once a month." "No way, it was way more than that," Dave casually argues. Karkat stomps on Dave's foot, "Your ego is crediting you with a nonexisting sex life." John steps past them, "I'm gonna go get a drink." Dave glances at Karkat and Karkat glares back, "You did this." "Me?" "It's like you're more naive than Egbert or something." "What are you talking about? I would never hurt my scrambled Eggy."

"Well, you did." 

 

 

 


	29. i cant hold back the fucking

            Going to the theater was awkward. Karkat sat in the middle of DaveJohn. "Popcorn?" Dave leans over across Karkat to John. John shakes his head. "Soda?" "No I'm okay," John whispers. "Candy?-" "Shut the fuck up!" Karkat whispers, shoving Dave's face out of the way, "Stop harassing him." "He's not harassing me." "Just shut up," Karkat mumbles, crossing his arms. After the movie that had Karkat by the balls, Dave takes John's hand and John holds back, Dave looks away as he grins. John leans his body against Dave's arm, with his head resting on Dave's shoulder. Pretty gay.

           "Hey, do you guys wanna go to the sweet shop near by?" Dave asks. They both shrug. "I'm paying," Dave offers. "Okay, let's go." "Alright."   
  


           In the Sweet shop, Dave practically offers to buy John the whole store. "Haha...Dave, really I don't need this much," He can barely hold on to the heavy bag. "Is it the money? Because you don't have to worry about that, just get whatever," He shrugs casually. "Even for me, this is too much," John returns some candy to their shelves. "Now you know how I feel around you." "What do you mean?" "You're too sweet." "Oh my god," John blushes. Dave leans in to peck his cheek. John closes his eyes. 

         "HEY! ARE YOU DONE?" Karkat calls and jogs to them, "I've got my handful." Dave sighs and pulls away, "Yeah." They buy their shit. Karkat goes home and DaveJohn is cuddling as they watch Game of Thrones. 

         Dave can barely cuddle the dork. John is so tense as he watches the show, eyes glued to the screen. Dave's sweet kisses go unnoticed. Once the show is over, John is cumming himself over how great the episode was. Dave listens to every word before pulling him in for a passionate kiss, "You're so cute when you talk about your show." John presses his hand against Dave's face, embarrassed, "Stoooop." Dave chuckles, his hands running down to John's ass. John pulls away. Dave's eyes widen. "I can't touch your butt?" Dave asks softly. John faces Dave and nuzzles his chest. The bed squeaks. "Not now." "This is a first." John shrugs.

        "Are you mad at me?" Dave asks. "You told me I was your first time," John whispers, gripping Dave's shirt. Dave is taken aback. "W-what? O-Oh, Oh okay. I see," He stutters. "You didn't have to lie to make me feel better about being a virgin," John grips Dave's shirt tighter. Dave's heart begins to race. He knows John can feel it. "Let me explain." "Okay." "I never fucked anyone." "You didn't?"

       Dave sighs, "Just, don't laugh at me okay?" "I won't," John looks up at him. Dave is already red, closing his eyes, "I faked it. You know how there's this pressure to have sex? I just faked that I had an active sex life. The used condoms i left in Karkat's and my dorm was just me jerking off in them. If people asked me about my sex life I just pulled shit out of my ass and fed it to them. And they all fucking ate it up." John is shaking. "John?" John looks up, giggling, face in tears, "Hahaha. Oh my god Dave." Dave rolls away and groans, "You said you weren't gonna laugh." John rolls over to Dave and hugs him, "I didn't know it'd be this funny. Hehehe. But it's kinda cute...and sad...at the same time." Dave groans. John climbs on top of Dave and kisses him. Dave kisses back unenthusiastically. 

       "I'll reward you for your honesty," John rubs his crotch against Dave's, pulling up his own shirt and playing with his nipple. "Oh my god," Dave's face reddens like a slapped ass. Dave fucking loved when John played with himself. Fucking adored it. John moaning softly and making himself feel good. Fuck. Shit. Boner. Dave unzips his pants and pulls them off, sitting up as he does so, kissing John's neck and biting it gently. "Mmm~" John runs his hands up Dave's sides. Dave whispers into John's ear, "I love you." John's body shivers. Two years of loving each other , but it felt like their first kiss. Their first gay I love you. John pulls off the rest of Dave's clothes, vice versa. John giggles. "What?" Dave asks. "Just admiring my boyfriend's body." Dave smirks and kisses him softly, pulling him down as he lays on the bed. They kiss under the covers, giggling and whispering, "I'm going to ram into you so hard we'll wake the neighbors again." "Is that a bet?" John pins Dave down and bites Dave without a moment's hesitation, his wet tongue finding a spot next to an earlier bite. Dave would be a walking advertisement for 101 Dalmatians. Dave moans in a heavy breath, John was a harsh biter while stroking Dave off. "I think you should top tonight," Dave whispers. "Hehe. Should I?" "It'd be hot." "Okay, but I want you to eat my ass." "Done." Dave flips them over, rubbing his hand over John's cock, "Have you named your cock yet?" John laughs and smacks Dave, "Why do you do this?" Dave admires John's smile, "Just wanted to see you laugh." John blushes and looks away. Dave runs a finger across John's rim, John shivers in delight, "Fuck me Dave--I mean, no, not really because I'm going to fuck you but--I..you..you know what I mean." John subconsciously closes his legs. Dave forces him to spread them, smirking, "Nervous?" "N-no." Dave lifts John's ass and lower back. John's legs wrap around Dave's shoulders. 

         John closes his eyes, gripping the sheets. Dave runs his tongue against John's rim. John's jumps and his knee smacks Dave's head by accident. "Dude!!" "I'm sorry!!" John covers his face. Dave breathes and calmly takes in John's cute way of hiding behind his hands.  Dave licks John's ass repeatedly like a debit card failed to process. John grips the sheets harder, toes curling. "Just shove it in!" John finally exclaims. Dave gently presses his tongue inside, then suddenly pulls it out. "Oh fuck you Strider." "You will in due time." John groans, done with Dave's bullshit. John rubs his base and balls, biting his lower lip with his stupidly cute buckteeth, "Nnnnng." John knows what turns Dave on. Dave watches John play with himself. "Fuck," Dave mutters, shoving is tongue inside John and licking his walls. "aahh...ha....haaa..aaah..dave..." John tries to thrust his hips with Dave. Dave pulls out, spits and uses his fingers to widen John's ass, "Chill babe, you're kinda tight." John nods, breathing deeper. Dave shoves his tongue back in, along with his lips to get into deeper. "HNNN!!" John's back arches and his hips roll, "FUCK ME!" Dave pulls out, "I thought you wanted to fuck me." John looks away, "I know..." Dave leans in and pecks his nose, "Suck me off and I'll fuck you." John grins and sits up, kissing Dave. Dave lays down and John gets into position like he's done it a million times before. Which, for the record, he totally has. He spoils the tip, sucking and licking erotically while Dave tries to control himself and not shove John's mouth into his whole cock. Which, for the record, he totally has done. John takes his time. Dave agonizes, raising his hips, but John pulls away. Dave learns to let John take his precious time. "Don't you want to get fucked?" John pulls out Dave's cock, "I like seeing you squirm for me." Damn was Dave rubbing off on John. John takes most of Dave's cock, sucking for a good ten minutes. Dave finally stops John, tells him to lay down and John listen, legs spread like a whore.

       Dave leans in and kisses John, rubbing his cock against John's entrance. "Mmmm!" John moans into the kiss. Dave softly slaps his cock against the rim. "Just fuck me," John mumbles into Dave's mouth. Dave suddenly shoves the tip in. John pulls away, "Dave! That hurt!" "I know, you're dry, but you've been so impatient I had to teach you a lesson." John pouts. Fuck is that cute. Dave reaches for the lube in the drawer and pours some into his hand, shoving his fingers inside John, then as he's about to do it to his cock, John stops him and does for him...sexually...staring Dave in the eyes. What a whore. Dave loves it. He slides into John slowly, getting into the rhythm. John moaning with every trust, whimpering when it feels to good for him to understand. Dave didn't stop, even when John's legs quivered or John came. "MMM-DAVE! AHH! HAA....AAAH....AAAH...MMM-" His dick hurt, it was so hard, he strokes it. Dave enjoys John's horny dorkiness. The holy shit my roommate came home. Fucking hide the gay fanfiction. 

       Continuing. Dave pounds into John for several cumming cycles, making more noise and vibrations than a laundromat. "D-Dave w-wait..do you hear it?" "H-Hear what?" "T-the bed..ah...it's.." BOOM. BITCH. Three springs from the mattress come up and all four legs give in. All four hardwood legs. Just as Dave is coming inside of John for the fifth time. John can't climax after that, he's clinging to Dave after that scare. Dave nuzzles him, "Why does a bed need legs anyway? It's not going anywhere." John sighs happily and pecks Dave's lips, "You always manage to make things positive." Dave's smirk dissolves into a soft grin and he kisses John, "It's easy because I'm with you and you make me so damn happy." John's heart hurts by the cute. "I love you." "I love you." They kiss and it turns into a lengthy make out and devolves into gentle cuddling. Maybe God decided to give these faggots a break, but they didn't receive a noise complaint and the floor didn't scathe because of the broken bed. I'm surprised it didn't fall through the whole floor. 


	30. progressive solkat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gay is in the air

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been gone for the following reasons  
> i dont sleep im tired every second of the day  
> dick deprived  
> starving   
> i.need.dick  
> where is my pay raise

                    "Cause it's you, It's always you," To anyone, John sounds pissed, but to Dave, he sounds sad. Dave looks horrified, it was bright enough to see the outline of his widening eyes. He steps close and attempts to hug John, but is pushed away. "John, Please, Let me make it up to you," Dave steps close again. John shakes his head and turns away, "I can't believe you." He storms off into the guest room. Dave sighs as Karkat enters the picture from the front door, "I brought the gelato. They were out of the strawberry cheesecake flavor though."

                   Dave shakes his head, "John's not joining tonight. He found out." Karkat drops his forearms, "Are you fucking kidding me?  _ **They're just shitty black cylinders**_." "Lenses. Expensive ones," Dave walks to the couch and picks up the black box with two gold wedding bands, "Also, I can't buy any more hard drives for editing my own films." 

                   Karkat angry shoves himself besides Dave, opening up the gelato bucket and eating it with the plastic spoon it came with, "So you go broke to buy you and your boyfriend engagement rings after he warns you constantly to never sacrifice your career for him. You know what I call that?" Dave takes the second plastic spoon, "Being in love." "No, being a fucking moron." "Being a moron is part of the deal," Dave smirks and eats gelato with Karkat as he stares at the rings, each engraved with "Ducky" in it, their cute nickname for each other. "But I know what I'm doing, I'm still in preproduction anyway. John's panties are getting to a knotty mess in his asshole for no reason." "He's caring about you and you're being a moron. I can't believe he's stayed with you this whole time. Maybe it's out of pity," Karkat pulls the gelato closer to him.

"I'm only friends with you for the nipple vibrators." 

"And I'm only friends with you for the dick vibrators."

"Those are just called vibrators."

" _How should I know?_ " Karkat replies, angrier. 

"At least you're pretty," Dave smirks, is about to scoop up some more gelato when Karkat smacks his hand, "Fuck you." "I can't I'm engaged." "He hasn't even said yes, yet." "Oh yeah?" Dave stands, "I bet could go right into the guest bedroom right now and talk John up into marriage." "Be my fucking guest," Karkat turns on the tv, "Like I fucking care. I'll be right here. Worryless and single without romantic repercussions."  

               Dave leaves to the guest room door, knocking, "Ducky~" No answer. "Baby? Can we talk?" No answer. From inside John's rewatching The Wicker Man and if you haven't seen that movie then you should because Nicholas Cage punches a woman while wearing a bear suit and it's awesome. Dave knocks harder, "Ducky!" John hears him, but looks back to the tv. Dave tries to open the door anyway. It's fucking open, "Oh, You left it unlocked," Dave enters and closes the door. John glances at him and mumbles, he didn't know he forgot to lock it, "Shit." Dave crawls into bed with him. John ignores him and scoots away. Dave stops moving closer, "I love you."

             "If you loved me you wouldn't have done what you did," John crosses his arms. "I know my limit, I can still continue my work without derailing myself. My dick and brain are intact. Nothing's lost." "I think you're using the wrong head." Dave extends a hand out to John, "I already told you I'm not as broke as you think." "You promised me you wouldn't buy me any more expensive shit. I've seen your debit card balance and it's lower than my shoe size."

"But this is a different occasion." "Like the time you got me gucci lingerie just because?" "My man deserves the best of lingerie," Dave takes John's hand. John pulls away, "You're interrupting my really rad movie Dave." "Oh yeah, the one you've seen more times than we've had sex." "That's not possible." Dave smirks and John blushes, he couldn't believe he'd just said that to Dave.

"I can't believe you're trying so hard to pretend to be mad at me." "I just don't want to take advantage of you!!" John finally looks at him, "Stop buying me stuff! I love you for who you are." "That's why I'm buying you this last gift," Dave pulls out a ring from his pocket. John freezes, "Wait, is..no...that's-" Dave's already blushing darkly, his hand holding the ring is shaking.

"I'm guessing you never actually find out what I bought you and assumed it was more bullshit," Dave takes John's hand once more. John is still frozen, blushing, eyes glancing from the ring to Dave.

 "So uh, do you wanna do the thing?" Dave asks lamely. John blushes darkly, eyes watering, "Y-yes. I wanna do the thing." Dave takes a breath and tries to not shake as he places the ring onto John's ring finger, "Are you still fake mad?" John pulls his hand close against his own heart, looking away, "No, but I'll try." Dave chuckles and kisses him. John can't help but smile into the kiss. Dave takes out a second ring, "Do you mind?" John shakes his head and places the ring on Dave's finger. They kiss again. And again. And again until it turns into quiet sex because they know Karkat is not fond of hearing DaveJohn fuck, but Karkat is too devoted to the tv right now, gelato smothering his mouth and lips, mouth gaped open at a new romcom on netflix, engrossed in a romance between other people rather than himself. Much like the readers of this story. Karkat pushes away his empty gelato bucket and lays on the couch in awe, ignoring the texts he was getting from Sollux. 

DaveJohn came out of the bedroom, rings reflecting the sun. It caught Karkat's eye, he rolls his eyes. "Your phone's ringing," John points out, walking to the kitchen for food. Dave picks up Karkat's phone.

"It's just Sollux," Karkat tries to kick Dave to get out of the away of the tv. Dave answers the phone call, "Yo. Yeah it's Dave. What's he doing? He's touching himself, moaning your na-" Karkat smacks the phone right off Dave's hand, "FUCK YOU. STOP THAT STRIDER." Karkat grabs his phone, but realizes Dave never actually answered the phone. Dave snickers and joins John in the kitchen for a snack. 

Suddenly, someone was slamming at the door, "KARKAT! I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE." 

"Holy shit, is that your sugar daddy?" Dave jokes, "Did he forget to pack your lunch?" Karkat almost punches him, but instead walks over to the door and opens it. Sollux stands, sweating and panting, in front of Karkat. "WHAT?" Karkat, annoyed, asks. Sollux grabs Karkat by the shoulders, "You didn't anther (answer) my methages (messages) you fuck, I had to come all the way here becauthe I knew you'd be here." "I can fucking tell. I'm not a moron. I'm asking why the fuck do you need me." "I was getting to that," Sollux glances up and sees DaveJohn watching them, "But not here. We need to go." "Woah woah, where are you taking our tiny child?" John steps in. Dave giggles. Tiny child. Haha. What the fuck. Sollux steps into the apartment, "Don't worry, he'll be safe with me-" John giggles, "I'm kidding, He's your friend right? Take him away!" Dave stares at John and how damn cute that was.

      Sollux nods, "Yeah..." He looks back at an angry boy with gelato lips and a bed head who's trying to hide his blush. "Are we going or not? Why are you still standing there like a fucking statue for? Get your lazy ass to move your stupid hobbit feet. _Pendejo. Gastando mi puto tiempo. (_ Dumbass, wasting my fucking time.)" "Of course princess, why would I keep my princess waiting?" Sollux jokes, it ticks Karkat off even more. "I'm going to punch your face." "Wouldn't be the first time-see you newlyweds," He calls out to DaveJohn as Sollux leaves with Karkat. 

        In the car, Sollux takes Karkat's hand as he drives. Karkat grumbles under his breath, "You should be driving with two hands." "I've got as much talent with one hand than Richard Petty has in both, stop worrying Kk." "Well I'm _not_ sorry about caring whether I live or die," Yet Karkat doesn't pull his hand away, staring out the window with a harsh blush. Things were much easier in romcoms, he thought. 

        "I'm not gonna lie, I only came to get you to destress," Sollux strokes Karkat's hand. "What?' Karkat looks at him. "I can't go a stressful day without you. I hate to admit, but I need you right now. More than anyone." Karkat looks away and mumbles, "Okay." "Also, you have something pink all over your face." 

Karkat looks in the mirror and almost screams, he pulls his hand away from Sollux and pulls down the other mirror tucked in the sun blocker, violently rubbing off the nasty and attempting to fix his tangled dark brown curls. Sollux laughs. "Shut the fuck up, How come nobody told me??!" "Probably because you look cute that way." "Shut up, not everyone likes me like you do." "Really now?" Sollux glances at Karkat with a raised brow. "Wait- no, that's, t-that's not what I meant," Karkat growls and slams the sun blocker closed. 

      "I wish it was what you meant, " He's already parking in their garage. It takes a few moments before Karkat asks, "Why?" Sollux doesn't answer until they're inside their home, "It should be obvious." Oh Karkat knew. And Sollux could tell Karkat knew from the color of his cheeks. But there were other ways Karkat knew that day. Like the cuddling that involved angry but zealous kisses or when Karkat was being completely pounded by Sollux and Karkat refused to let Sollux leave the room afterwards unless he carried Karkat around. No shit Sollux didn't mind that. Karkat weighed as much as a paper clip, and love makes everything feel weightless. 

 

 


	31. not funny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not a funny chapter

          There was bullshit all over the house again now that Dave was in editing mode. He sat in sweatpants and a lame "ho ho homo" shirt as he replayed two takes of the same scene, taking forever to decide which was better. John drags his sleepy feet through the pile of empty chip bags and clothes around the room until it stops at Dave's feet. John's arms wrap around Dave and he crawls onto Dave's lap, "Happy Birthday Baby." John nuzzles Dave and Dave blushes the fuck out. John was hella cute. Too cute. He kisses John lovingly, "Morning Ducky." "Did you change your mind? Can we go out for your birthday?" John takes Dave's left hand and shyly strokes it. Dave smiles at the gesture, "You know I'd rather stay inside and shove myself inside you." John explodes in a fury of red and hides his face in Dave's shoulder, "Duuuckyyy! We do that every year, it's pretty hecked up that we don't do anything special!" "I do something special on every birthday of mine," Dave responds defensively. "Yeah?!" John asks excitedly. Dave nods, "You." John's eyebrows scrunch up, "I don't get-" He groans, "Dave no stop!" He giggles.  
         Dave hugs him and kisses John's cheek, "I love you Ducky." "I love you," John looks at his ring and grins. John pulls away slightly to face Dave and at the same time they lean in and kiss each other. Dave pulling John close to fill in the gap between them. John groans against him, widening his mouth to let Dave enter his tongue, playing with his. Dave's hands instinctively went straight to John's ass, rubbing and gripping hard. John moans and continues to kiss and bite Dave's lips. Dave can feel himself hardening and John can feel the twitch in Dave's sweatpants before moving away, "Do you want to?" John asks, trailing kisses down Dave's neck. Dave groans, "I do, but, I don't want this day to turn into a sex day." Sex Day. Noun. In which DaveJohn do nothing but have intercourse all day with limited water and snack breaks because they're so damn horny for each other.  
          John nods and pecks Dave's lips, "Love you." Dave kisses him softly, "I change my mind." "On what?" "We'll do something." "Why? Did I change your mind?" "Something like that," Dave runs his hand through John's black hair, "I'll stop editing-" "-And eating Doritos for today, your breath is so cheesy." Dave feels his cheeks heat up, "But you kissed me anyway." "Because I love you," He nuzzles Dave. Dave returns the nuzzle, "Gay." John pulls Dave close, "Cuddles on the bed with chipotle and Game of Thrones?" Dave pats John's back, "You're paying for the chipotle. It's your turn." John agrees, "Here I go!" Dave watches the dork excitedly leave the room then continues to work until later when John pulls Dave away from the computer and into the living room. 

            Queen, their wobbly three legged cutie pie, jumps up at Dave and he picks her up, taking her to the couch to love. "You're so needy Queen," Dave tries is best to coddle her, but she gets out of fucking control boi, jumping and hopping around, biting Dave's fingers. John giggles, "This happens because you're never around. She misses you." "I wish I didn't let her get used to biting my fingers. That's all she wants to do now-" He looks at Queen and in a high pitch baby voice goes "Naughty Naughty. My fingers are not for you.  _Not for you baby girl, not for you._ " Queen barks happily and jumps on John, sniffing his crotch. "Wooooah no," Dave pulls her away, "That's daddy's cock and it belongs to me." "My dick doesn't belong to you," John takes Queen away from Dave. "That's not you said last night." "Well! That's a bit unfair. I'm under a lot of hornyness and say weird stuff." "So you never mean anything you say when we make love?" Dave teases. John frowns, "No! I mean, no I don't not mean it. I mean it! But the erotic stuff-" "So you're not my dirty slut?" 

             John blushes, "I am." "Then?" Dave leans in for a kiss. John glances at Dave's lips, "I guess in a way, my dick is also kinda...your dick? I don't know Dave, it sounds weird." "But you agree you are my dirty slut," Dave leans in closer, lips close to touching. "Yes...I'm.." John begins to close his eyes, "Your dirty..sl-" ding fucking dong the postmates guy is here. John stands the fuck up, shooting up like a fucking erection and walks his sexy ass to the door to get the food while Dave internally dies at the disruption of a sexy moment. John returns with the chipotle and Dave is setting up blankets and the tv for cuddling and watching game of thrones. 

              "I want you to get into it," John snuggles into Dave's chest. "By watching it from the beginning? I've probably half seen these shows already with them playing when I'm around you. It's a waste of time baby." "Oh yeah? What happens in this episode?" "Incest and murder." "Well..." John looks away. Dave kisses his forehead, "Kidding. Only know that cause that's every episode." John looks up and kisses him, "Dave, I have something to tell you." "I swear if you're horny right n-" "I'm pregnant." "What?" "I'm not actually. I just wanted you to shut up," John looks down at Dave's stomach and runs a finger around the area, "My dad wants to meet you." "Oh, y-yeah?" Dave's heart beats faster and John can feel it,"When?" "Christmas, he wants us to visit and he's actually pretty supportive so you don't have to worry," John snuggles into Dave and pulls him close. "Right," Dave replies, "I'm not nervous." His heart isn't slowing down that's for sure. John pecks Dave's cheek, "There's nothing to be nervous about baby." "I'm not." "Uh-okay." John doesn't mention Dave's beating heart or lack of eye contact. 

              They watch the series until John's hand starts rubbing against Dave's crotch and Dave is taking off his clothes and John is naked and they're both under the blanket, warm and sweaty against each other. Dave's favorite type of christmas present. Afterwards, John let's Dave shop for dirty toys and clothes to use on John and for John to wear for future dick action. Dave is excited to try it all. Specially the red rope.

 

 

 

 


	32. john's dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dadbert has a thick thai accent

                Dave's hands were sticky and wet and not because they were rammed inside John's wide asshole. John tries to grab Dave's hand and Dave pulls away casually, rubbing the back of his neck. John waits for Dave's hand to come down, but when it does, it goes straight to Dave's pocket. John was wearing a dorky polo shirt and skinny denims (that Dave gave him because they hugged John's ass real nice) to see his dad. They walked the cobblestone road to the house (what the fuck is this london), John linking arms with Dave's. "You shouldn't have worn this dress shirt," John points out. "What? What do you mean? Does your dad hate guys who wear dress shirts? Should I go change, okay babe, stay right here I'm sure google maps cans how me the way to the nearest-" John giggles, "No! I mean, you look so good in a dress shirt, I might not be able to keep my hands off you," John pulls Dave closer. "No yeah, I knew that, it was a joke," Dave stops at the front door, god damn beautiful dark wood door, he gulps before knocking on the door. "Don't be nervous," John smiles at Dave. Dave blushes, John couldn't be cuter. "I'm not." "Oookay Dave-" "Seriously I'm-"

             The door opens. "Dave Strider is it?" Dave looks to Dadbert, "And you're the awesome guy who made my boyfriend with your penis." An awkward silence settles in. "Well, thank you, I think," Dadbert opens the door wider, "Come in." On their way in, John nudges Dave and gives him a what the fuck was that look. Dave's cheeks redden and he looks to Dadbert, "I brought something for you." Dave hands Mr.Egbert the wine, "It's from 1963." Dave can feel John's elbow ram into his side. Dave sucks it in. "Oh wow. This must of been expensive," Mr.Egbert takes the bottle and takes a good look at it, sitting down on the living room couch, DaveJohn doing so on the couch across it. John looks at Dave, annoyed " _Too_ expensive probably. Haha. I wonder how my  _lovely_ boyfriend could afford that when he's having money troubles." "Money troubles?" Mr.Egbert looks up with a handsome stern look, trimmed beard with a hat as handsome as his soul. "No, no no, me? I am amazing at money actually. I've got a savings account, a deposit account, the best credit cards with unbelievable money back benefits, a uh-I've got stocks and I've already got a college fund for the child John and I haven't even had yet." 

           "You two are gonna have kids?" Mr.Egbert grins, his blue eyes twinkling, reflecting the pure love for the prospect of grandchildren, it reminded Dave of the way John's eyes sparkled when he was being fucked, but that's a different story, for a sexier time. "Iiiiii think we should change the subject!" Wow smooth John, like sandpaper. "You don't want kids? You don't want your old man to see his grandchildren?" Mr.Egbert stands. Dave chimes in, "Of course he does, He's always awwing at babies-" "No I'm not," John crosses his arms. "But still, you want kids right?" "Not really." Mr.Egbert's brows raise, "Wow, So I'm _not_ getting grandchildren?" He wipes his bottom lip with his thumb rather angrily, but tbh it's daddy af. "Wow, Okay." Mr.Egbert nods and walks to the kitchen, "Enough talking, Let's eat. Maybe it'll change our thoughts about having kids."

        Once DaveJohn are left alone in the living room they argue. "What do you mean you don't want kids?" Dave whispers, "A little Johnny running around being cute as hell while making your dad happy?" "You don't want kids Dave. You're only saying that to kiss ass." "I'm not kissing ass, I do want kids! Not now. Not any time soon, but the sound of it is rad. I've got the best boyfriend in the world and you've got the coolest boyfriend in the world, put that together and we'd be the lit-est parents in the world." "Lit-est isn't a word." "Who cares? I've got a point." "You don't change my mind one bit," John shrugs casually. Oh fuck no. Stubborn John has been god damn activated. 

       "What are you two waiting for? Let's have a feast," Mr.Egbert enters the room, pink ruffled apron wrapped around his front, strings wrapped around his waist, just above his plump butt, John definitely got is dad's genes and yall just read about dadbert's ass. Blessed.

      Once they're sitting, Dave is trying to be affectionate and hold John's hand, but John pulls his away and occupies both hands with utensils. Oh how the turntables. Dadbert is smiling at his son, "So tell me, how's the life in the city? The New York. I bet you live in a tiny apartment that costs as much as this house." Dave's foot presses against John's foot. "Actually, Dave and I live in a huge loft with a guest room," John criss crosses his legs so Dave can't touch him, "And a dog with three legs." "You know a dog is a lot like taking care of a kid," Mr.Egbert segways the conversation as he takes a bite out of his steak. "Well babies don't bark or poop on the floor," John shrugs. Dave's hand massages John's thigh. John doesn't move. Mr.Egbert puts down his fork and in a commanding tone goes, "I don't get you. Why don't you want kids? I love you, but I'd really like to see some grandkids one day before I die. Did I parent you wrong and now you don't want kids?" Dave speaks, "I don't think you did anything wrong. Everyone has their preferences, even if John's preferences are wrong we have to respect that." "Excuse me?" John pushes Dave's hand away from his thigh, "My choice is not wrong just cause it's not your choice." Mr.Egbert raises his voice to grab their attention, "Of course not! Dave just phrased it wrong. What he meant to say was that right now your choice may be a little  _off_ but in a few years you'll want kids and make the right choice and raise kids with Dave." Oh god. Dave eyes widen behind his shades and he turns to his love, "T-that's, not-" "Oh my god!" John stands, "Stop trying to control me. I'm a grown man with his own place and his own dog and his own job and and...and I will  _never have kids._ " John storms out of the house. The remaining two stay in their seats, quietly. "I'm going after him," Dave stands and follows in the way John went, out the house. Dave looks around the house, down a few blocks, the garage and about any place he can until he finds a ladder, going straight to the roof. So he climbs.

         John is laying down, arms spread out and eyes closed when Dave approaches. He sits down next to John and looks at his boyfriend's beautiful lashes, his soft kissable skin, his cold pink ears...and plump lips. Dave leans in, hair blowing between them before John's eyes open suddenly, "I don't want to kiss you." Dave backs away, "I didn't want to kiss you either, you just had steak sauce is all." "With your eyes close?" "I didn't want to get something in my eye it's windy up here." John's frown breaks into a smile and he shakes his head. Dave faces John, "I'm sorry." "No," John interrupts, "I am." "You're what?" "I'm sorry," John, now sitting up, pulls his legs in and wraps his arms around them, "I want to make you and dad happy, but I don't think I can be like everyone else and want kids and if I did, I'd just fuck it up because I'd forget to pick them up from school or leave our baby on the hood of the car and only remember once I've started driving or forget their birthday! I know I'll be bad at it and I'm okay with dying without anyone to continue us because I'm going to be dead so who cares? I'll be buried with the love of my life and it'll be fine." Dave softly smiles at the end of that, pulling John close and wrapping his arms around John, kissing his cheek, "I love you and i was gonna say before you interrupted me that, I don't care if we have kids or not. Ducky all I want in life is you, life is bitter without you, I know because I lived 21 bitter years without you." John grins cutely, blushing. "And I'm sure your dad will come around about the whole thing. He fucking loves you. I can tell. I'm sorry about being a douche earlier." John kisses him, "You're forgiven." "Also, John," Dave pulls him in between his legs, "I don't think you'd be a bad parent." 

        "I don't either," says a deeper, gruff voice from behind them. They turn. Dadbert approaches and sits down next to John, Dave lets go of John and backs away before Dadbert shakes his head and hand at Dave, "No no, I need you here." Dave returns. 

        "John, when I first had you, I was terrible at being a dad. The number of times I accidentally left you in a public place is dangerous. Which is coincidentally why I kept you indoors, also, a bad idea." "Wow, inspiring, I'm not at all terrified of raising a kid now with that information at my disposal," Dave jokes. Mr.Egbert chuckles, "What I'm trying to say is, I'm not the best father, but my son turned out better that I expected. He's independent, has a successful job (John gulps), he's going to get married and _I_ get to walk him down the aisle. Being a father is a lot of responsibility, but every time I held you when you were a baby, I knew It'd all turn out okay. And I was right." He hugs his son close. John grins, "Thanks dad. I love you." "I love you too." Dave stares awkwardly at the sky and Mr.Egbert takes notice, "Get over here mr cool guy, it's called a family hug and it can't be that without my son-in-law." Dave blushes. Holy shit. He just called him son-in-law. Fuck me up for that _shit._ Dave joins in the hug, "So uh, how much of our conversation did you hear?"  "Everything," John's dad admits, "Also, I've got dessert waiting for us downstairs." "Is it cake?" John sighs as they all part from the hug. "Yes, of course. My cakes tastes amazing." Dave nudges John, "Will you eat it if I feed it to you?" John blushes, "Yes." Dave takes John's hand and they intertwine fingers. 


	33. new years

           theyre practically old men, davejohn were invited to a party, told the host at 10pm "something came up," went home, and no nothing "came up" not even their cocks that night they just want to go home and cuddle and fall asleep before it hit midnight. they wake up before noon, whispering to each other "happy new year" and kissing. "thank you for putting up with me for a whole year" john nuzzles dave's chest. dave, eyes closed and pulling john close, smirks, "ill keep putting up with you even when your ass is wrinkly and saggy" john giggles, "youre going to get just as saggy" "not if eat healthy." john looks up, "dave all you eat is food from the liquor store" "thats all i need for a healthy lifestyle" "when was the last time you ate a banana?" "last night" "i dont remember that." "yeah, it was morning and i sucked you off" "DAVE." johns gasps, "my dick doesnt count as a banana!" "i even get an extra pump of protein from your banana's white cream," dave plays with johns hair. john shakes his head, "i cant believe youre my boyfriend." "aw" "not like that, i mean youre ridiculous" "i know" dave kisses johns forehead. john grins and looks up at his boyfriend, leans in and they kiss hard, he pulls john in closer. "also babe i have to call you out on something," dave strokes john's cheek softly. "what?" john scrunches his brows, confused. "youre lacking on your part of the house bargain and coincidentally enough, it started happening when you "quit" your job as a waiter." "aaaah..ummm.." john rolls away from his problems, falls off the bed, past the door and into the next dimension.

                 "jooooohn! im not mad, come back egdork!" dave sighs when john doesnt come back. he leaves the bedroom and finds john playing with their dog. dave slaps john's ass and john jumps, "dave!" "cmon baby, whyd you run away? you can tell me anything." john remains quiet for a few seconds before admitting, "I got fired." "Then lets help you find another job," Dave wraps his arms around John's waist and kisses his head. John turns his his head and pecks Dave's chin, "I don't know what as." He turns his body around to face Dave. "My personal whore," Dave slaps John's ass and grips his buns. John blushes, "Oh my god. No. You're such a perv." "So are you," Dave smirks. John refuses. "Oh yeah? Then why are  _your_ hands on  _my_ ass as well?" Dave's smirk widens, he couldn't look cockier. John blushes and lets go. "You're more of a perv than you let on. In fact you might be the biggest," Dave presses their foreheads together. "Am not. I am be a little bit of a perv, but it's only cause of you. Have you always been such a perv?" Dave laughs at that.

                  John's facial expression becomes more serious, "Can you tell me about you?" "Yeah. Once I tried eating Doritos with melted cheese-don't try it. It tastes like soggy cheese after breath of a burp. Also, I never took Advanced Placement courses because Bro thought that there should be more time for me to practice my sword skills. I could argue against it, but it led to-" John covers Dave's mouth with his hand, "No, I mean, more non miscellaneous events of your life. Important realizations." Dave ruffles his hair, "My coming of age?" "Yes!" "Baby, the only coming of age I'll be giving you-" "No! Don't finish that joke," John covers his face, "It's going to corny and perverted." Dave chuckles, ruffling John's hair one last time before walking off to the kitchen. John watches him go.

                In the afternoon, John brings it up, "Just one event for today. One story," He asks during a round of rocket league. "Okay, in 5th grade, my friend ate shit during the relay race and started crying so I helped her up and led her to the finish line. My whole team hated me. I felt pretty bad about it until my Bro was like that's some good shit." "Okay, another one," John glances at his boyfriend, "Preferably from your high school or college ages?" "Beggars can't be choosers," Dave's vehicle blocks a goal. John does a cute "Hmph!" and gives in, "Okay, say whatever story you like." "Nah that's enough stories for today." "Oh come on that was barely anything," A distressed John groans. "If you score more points than my team then I'll tell you another one. Otherwise It's one story a day. Honestly where are your stories? Equivalent exchange baby cakes." John pauses the game, "Deal." 

       


	34. it's over, isn't it? not even close

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back bitches

          Dave hurries around the apartment, on the phone with someone, "Yeah yeah, okay. I'm already on my way. N-yeah, yeah. Kay-See you." He grabs his keys. John lifts his head up from the tv when he sees Dave passing by the living room, "You're leaving?" 

         "No John, I'm just going to gape at the weather outside and return," He replies sarcastically, grabbing his keys. John raises a brow, "Can't you just look at your phone to know-" Dave stares at John. John's eyes widen, "O-oh, that was sarcasm." "Yeah, I'm going so have fun and stuff. I love you." He closes the door just as John has the chance to say, "I'll miss you."

        John is performing some lines in front of the mirror and laughing to himself as Dave is coming in, at almost midnight. John drops his shit and runs his gay ass towards his boyfriend, kissing Dave's tired lips. John feels Dave smile through the kiss and hugs him tighter. "I'm back dorkster," Dave ruffles John's hair, "You didn't stay up for me did you?" "I couldn't sleep. I can't without you." "Then how did you ever sleep before me?" Dave smirks, taking off his clothes in front of the door. John is already blushing and trying to avoid making eye contact with Dave's body. It's too hard not look. John couldn't tell what was harder, his own dick or Dave's, as Dave had noticed John was staring; actually that was Dave's plan all along you've been fucking bamboozled. And now, Dave is taking John to the bedroom and they are going to have a great time, mostly John, he gets a blowjob and before he can do anything for Dave, Dave is already passed out. It was the first time John had ever seen Dave choose sleep over sex. He couldn't tell if this was a miracle or John wasn't as sexually appealing as he had been before. Which was a joke in his head. Except this one stayed in his head for too long. 

         When he woke up the next morning, in Dave's arms, his first thought came to be, "Have I lost my sex appeal?" So he nudges Dave to wake up,"baby." Dave wakes after ten minutes of John kissing him, rubbing, and shaking him. "Please John, I don't leave till noon, please let me sleep." He sounded so needy for sleep. John held his hand to his chest, Dave was so cute. He was overworked, John nodded. "I'm still sexy," John lays down and cuddles into his boyfriend that holds him tightly. 

        At noon, John wakes up and Dave is gone. No text or note wishing goodbye. John checked and there is no way he's spending another day alone. He calls up Karkat, "Hey, you moved to the city right? With your roommate?"   
"YOU CAME OVER TO HELP ME MOVE IN YOU MORON. OF COURSE I LIVE IN THE CITY YOU FUCK."

"So can I come over?"  
"IS DAVE WORKING?"  
"Maybe, who cares."  
"OH, SO YOU ONLY WANT TO HANG OUT WHEN THE COOL GUY ISN'T GIVING YOU ATTENTION."  
"I guess it does sound like that. But I really do enjoy spending my time with you."

"HMM, I'M STILL CONTEMPLATING WHETHER I SHOULD BELIEVE YOUR BULLSHIT OR WIPE MY ASS WITH IT."  
"Ew. Karkat, stop. I didn't ask for a visual! But seriously, I miss ya."  
"F-FINE. IF YOU MISS ME THEN COME OVER."

So John did. And Karkat had a lot of John in his Snapchat that day. Dave saw it. oh trust me he fucking saw it. what the fuck is that arm around john doing there and are they watching back to the future without me? and why is john smothering karkat with love its not like they have a close friendship or anything what the fuck why isnt john giving me that loving even though he has tried but ive been busy so im just being unreasonable right now except i will refuse to recognize it until we argue later under stressful tension where we break up and karkat finally has a reason to not let go liking john just as he's getting over him just as sollux is preparing to make him and karkat exclusive. BUT. You don't know any of that yet. You don't. Pretend you never heard what I just told you. Actually, I didn't tell you anything. The last paragraph didn't happen. Last paragraph? What last paragraph. Are you accusing me of lying? Get out of my caucasian house!


End file.
